poetry: feminist

I wrote this poem in February of 2025.

a part of my poem “learn patriarchy”

never set out to become a feminist but somehow ended up becoming everything
opposite of what I was taught a woman should be
in my young girl’s mind
a husband and children should have made me happy
even when I observed all of the women around drown in misery
always complaining about their husbands and kids
I thought that maybe with me, it’d be different
and when I found myself in my grown up conditioned woman narrative
I almost tried to die in that reality and knew it was never for me
and for a while I searched for answers in others until I looked within
and understood, i alone am magic
I alone without a man am really enough
and the only one responsible for my happiness and to make my dreams come true
all a man ever did was drag me down and made me feel like the dirt on his shoe
or like an ornament to take out at times for his convenience
and when I realized all of this
that’s when I became an unintentional feminist, unapologetic and unashamed
to be the woman I always wanted to be but had been too afraid to embrace
until my middle age

poetry: looking

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

ready to live this kind of story

I’m looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with
A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy
A heartbeat who doesn’t call me angel or princess
only calls me by my name
a heartbeat who’ll fall in love with the real me
and not the idea they have of me
or the persona I play on social media
A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos
A heartbeat who accepts and understands me
and never tries to change me

poetry: the fairy tale died that day

I wrote this poem in February of 2022.

I’m pregnant, it’s yours, I want to keep it
I start crying
β€œJust get rid of it you tell me
he fairytale died that day

I’m at your apartment drunk
And you;re drunk, we fight, then we kiss
And you take me in-but then you feel guilt
And kick me out I
The fairytale died that day

I’m at your apartment
I want to hold you and kiss you
I yearn for you
You imply I can’t be trusted
The fairytale died that day

poetry: so resilient

I wrote this poem in February of 2025.

Diseased hip evicted, shiny aluminum to replace it
6 inch scar needed to better my life
80 minutes of the Drs doing their magic
Cutting into me and making me whole
a recovery period of 6 weeks or so they say
third time trying to fix my hip
hopefully the third time  is a charm
all of this just for being born broken,
Damaged and different

everyone admires my strength and resilience
and all I dream about is one day not being defined
by everything I’ve had to overcome,
of ne day not being called resilient
and being seen as more than the turmoil
I’ve had to endure and over come

Excitement

Me at 15

Write about your first computer.

Excitement over our new computer
I can’t wait to get into those yahoo and aol chatrooms
I’ll bet I’ll meet someone and maybe even fall in love
maybe I’ll have better luck find a man online
than I have in real life
maybe the man I find will stay and become
my soulmate

poetry: lovely

I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

once upon a time I wrote a lovely poem about us
and called it by starlight
it told the story of our first night
but now you’re gone and all I’m left with
are memories of who we once were
and while I miss you
I know it’s better this way
we both needed a clean slate from our baggage
to start anew with someone else
we both needed to have a brand new start
with someone who fits into the new versions
of who we are now

poetry: he’s praying for me

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Quote about self love
Choosing yourself is self love

My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him
Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore
to an I’m healing and deserve better “Woman
Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman
I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me
but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun”
are long gone
Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection
and most importantly self love
So I put away my sexy vixen persona
And I put on my ” β€œI’m authentic without apologies persona”
I’ve stopped living to please others
and now live to please myself

Poetry: Sanity

I wrote this poem in January of 2018 .

me in 2018 around the time I wrote this poem

I’m disappointed once again -being here with you
You represent everything I thought I wanted
But-
You don’t compare to him
You make my body sing with pleasure
but don’t sweep up the mess that I am
You are there to help me escape
but never to rescue me
SO I choose him
Who chooses to be there for me
When I chase death in a bathtub or a bottle
Because while sex and lust feels good
when it’s happening
It doesn’t compare to the love
and support he’s provided in keeping me alive
So I say goodbye to a life
Full of lust filled fantasies
and accept the one and only who truly
cares for me

poetry: invisible string

I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

this poem has to be one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever written

My past called to me and I made the mistake of answering it
and looked for the former main characters in my life
Stalked them on google and social media
and most of them didn’t want to be found
perhaps they did the right thing in wanting to live their lives
in peace without their ghosts haunting them
but two of the ones who had the great impact on me
both of them are happily married
one of them has a son my youngest son’s age
I’m glad he grew out of his peter pan syndrome
and the other is about to finally become a dad at 43
his lifelong dream come true after waiting for so long
I’m trying to be happy for him
and with all that I’m ready to really close that chapter
On my past because while I was distracted from my grief
And highly entertained by my theatrics and my shitty choices in men
when I was in my twenties
Its time to stop this business of reminiscing of what was
and what could have been
Its time to accept what is and what could be
and focus on making my own lifelong dreams come true
And be open to my invisible string out there somewhere
waiting for me

Poetry: Death

I wrote this in January of 2022 when I was depressed.

honestly

I welcome death to take me away tonight-
death must be better than the anger
that has made an eternal home in me
death must feel better than this emptiness
that lies in my heart
death has to be better than this sorrow
that floods my pillow with tears continuously
death would be better than my emotions
that threaten to consume me

poetry: grief

I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

only through guinness

grief found me on a sunday night in the shower
and cried all of the tears I had been bottling up
since my uncle’s passing
lately it feels like life is running through my hands
and there’s not enough time to do everything I want
there’s not enough time to make an impact, an imprint
on this earth
lately I feel like a footnote
just existing on the edge of life, of love

poetry: American

I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

so American, I walk around with ketchup on my face

el tio Julio always spoke English to us, the kids
didn’t matter who we were with or where we were
I think he was an advocate of assimilation at an early age
I think he wanted all of us to have a fighting chance
in our adopted homeland
perhaps this was an act of kindness on his part
he knew that in order to survive in the USA
we had to leave behind the part that made us seen as a foreigner
and become as American as possible

poetry: even

I wrote this poem in 2021.

Even after she’s destroyed
she goes to work the next day
plasters a fake smile on her face

Even after she’s devastated
she gathers the pieces of her heart
and reluctantly shows up
where she’s needed

Even after she’s knocked down
she gets up cloaked in strength
and continues to move forward
with a brand new determination