Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: an open letter to year 42

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

me on my birthday last year, this heroine spent her birthday working…

I’m at year 42 and I’m only getting started on my heroine’s journey
I’ve learned so much about myself and my toxic patterns in year 41
I understand now how my overreactions, my need to avoid conflict
my need to please were all trauma responses learned from childhood
where my emotions were never validated
I now hold a world of knowledge, confidence, and power within me
and on year 42, I ready to act like the badass Incan Queen
I make myself out to be
Except this year I’ll act out of love and compassion
and not out of revenge and spite
even when I’m pissed, angry at someone or at something
I need to dig in deep and feel that grief
instead of immediately throwing out accusations
and blaming everyone but me
Understand it’s me projecting my insecurities
This year I’ll continue my heroine’s journey in healing and recovery
but I’ll try to do it more with grace, with intent and compassion
for myself and others
I’ll cover myself in love from God, the universe, and my ancestors
with all of that love act out of a pure and intentional energy
that will continue to help grow and evolve

Posted on by pattytacuri · 6 Comments

poetry: emotional eater

I wrote this poem in February of 2020.

me in February of 2020.

Eating away my emotions with junk food and sugar
is healthier than meth and taking pills to sleep forever
Each bite I take and swallow keeps me alive
and further from a sweet death that tempts me
Food becomes the driving force behind my mediocre existence
until I can find a new obsession

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

my combat boots

October of 2021…a couple of months after I bought these boots
Daily writing prompt
Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.
View all responses

my favorite pair of shoes are my black combat boots. I bought them sometime in the summer of 2021 during an impulsive shopping spree. They’re taken me to live shows and they are what I wear every time I go to perform at a new open mic. I also wore them with my Harley Quinn outfit for Halloween of 2021. They’re also one of my most comfortable pair of shoes and they go with a lot of my outfits. I’ve worn them with dresses, jeans, and shorts. It’s a weird thing to say but I feel like these boots help build up my confidence at a time when I was feeling shitty about myself and now they’ve become a very important part of my aesthetic. Every time I wear these boots with my dress beige dress to work, my coworkers know I’m moody AF and tread carefully. I’ve also worn them on my plane trip to Peru last year. So yeah, they’ve taken me to my homeland and back. It was a bitch to take them off for the TSA checkpoint but it was worth it so my fit was right.

2 years later in 2023 at Night of Spite open mic…
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poetry: i’m finally ready

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

I got a blank space….and I’ll write your name

This time I feel like I’ve finally settled most of my soul’s score
by doing so much inner work
I still have toxic and angry moments but they no longer consume me
This year I’m manifesting a new kind of love energy
Someone who can match my wild and creative energy
Someone who values me as a whole person
and doesn’t just fall in lust with my body
Someone brave enough to love me and doesn’t scare easily
when I’m challenging and moody
this year I’m opening myself to love energy
who makes me laugh, who inspires me
I think I’m finally ready

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: repurpose

I wrote this in February of 2019.

I bet Paul Steck had some demons

out of the most depressed minds comes the greatest creativity
I wonder why that is–
Is it because there are no limits in our imagination?
Is it because we live 100 lives in 1 lifetime?
Is it because we are easily inspired by devastation and loss?
It is because pain and sadness flows out of us
more easily than others and we have a necessity
to repurpose it as art?

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

poetry: happy valentine’s day 2023

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

valentine’s day curse finally broke last year…

valentine’s day is around the corner
so we’re bombarded by teddy bears,balloons,
greetings with corny shit like
“for my wife, the love of my life”
and flowers, the fucking flowers
there are even journals for couples to fill out
in hope of getting closer-
I still can’t figure that one out
and stupid heart shaped everything,
from cookie cutters to pillows
and flowers, the fucking flowers
and most of us eat it all up thinking
if our partner doesn’t buy us anything
or doesn’t meet our romantic expectations
on the most materialistic of holidays,
then they must not really love us-
never occurring to us how this business of love
preys on us and our fear of being lonely
it capitalizes and profits from it
sending us messages that we need
to buy this or that (get the flowers,
the fucking flowers) to show our love
it’s a trap that followed us since our school days
maybe it’s time to riot and burn down anything
related to this dreadful holiday
especially the fucking flowers
or maybe I’m just a crazy and jaded bitch
alone on valentine’s day

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poetry: it stops with me

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

one of my reasons for doing all of the inner work

If only I could bypass the trauma lived and experienced
my life would be a lot easier
Perhaps I’d be fulfilled and not on this neverending heroine journey
to acknowledge how trauma happened to me
to understand how it changed me
to tells the stories from it so I can begin to heal from it
to do all of the work so I don’t pass it on to my sons
and their children
because this legacy of intergenerational silence with violence
needs to stop with me
even if it’s sometimes a painful nightmare to deal with

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Nonsense

so this was written about a former muse.lol.

but of course….
Daily writing prompt
Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?
View all responses

I love you like the alcoholic loves alcohol
I can’t live without you
And have a deep never ending desire for you
when the sun rises you’re my first thought
and before I fall asleep, you’re my last thought
I don’t know if you’ll ever reciprocate
but for now I’m content with seeing you almost
Daily-admiring you from afar

8/31/22

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: reassurance

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

exactly

I look to the cards for reassurance things will turn out alright
that I am doing all of the important things to light the flame to a bright future
that my past is now behind me and I will no longer be chained to it
that I’ll fully live in my present

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

poetry: unraveling

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

I’m unravelling…one pose at at time

I’m healing and unraveling at the same time
I’m unraveling the parts of me that no longer fit
in my new narrative
I’m unraveling the ugliness, my vengeful spirit
full of spite and jealousy
talking to it, deconstructing it
cause to live with so much anger and resentment
in my heart is draining
and leaves no room for lovely and hopeful beginnings