I wrote this poem in February of 2023.
what is it about poets and writers I find so attractive
maybe it’s how they play with words
that makes me yearn to become their muse
maybe it’s their expression of passion
that makes them the object of my obsession
maybe it’s because their creativity makes
me want to make poetry with their bodies
this poem is inspired by the 2006 “acknowledgement”.
a wolf in sheep’s clothing got to me
he pretended to be my friend
with endless compliments and fake empathy
Until one day I found out who he really was
a liar ,a psychopath
and I called him out and blocked him
from my universe when he said he didn’t do no wrong
when he said, he just liked his “privacy”
and offered no apologies after a decade long lie
which added to my trust issues
but at least it opened my eyes
enough to kick him out of my life
and while I still make poetry out of him
(he gave me too much material to ignore)
I’m grateful he’s out of my life
life is too short for entitled Brads, Chads,and Kens
who think that just because of their privilege
they can get away with ANYTHING
I wrote this poem in February of 2024.
bomb of rage detonated and set off
the angry woman takes over
I watch
as she villainizes, demonizes
She can’t be stopped
She burns bridges and laughs
about it
I hate her, I wish she didn’t exist
she’s my shadow, my anger
who’s built to protect me
to grant me power
when I feel powerless
she’s a part of me
who can’t be suppressed or ignored
I learn to love her, give her attention
she craves
and in due time
introspection and therapy happens
and she’s finally integrated into me
and she becomes my super power
Me and her
we’re a force of nature
not to be fucked with
this poem is inspired by the 2006 poem, “poem for a couple I never knew”
many took bets on how long they’d last
between the age gap, the difference in cultures
they didn’t stand a chance
yet, they kind of made it work for more than a decade
yet, they still raised three fine young men for almost 20 years
and while their incompatibility caught up to them
and they had to end their love story
they rebuilt it on the foundation
of the love they once shared
and in the best interest of their children
and evolved into a healthy story of friendship
where any resentment and anger has been buried
and there are no hard feelings over past grievances
where they support one another
and are finally the parents their children
always deserved
I wrote this poem in February of 2024.
it’s the wild wild west inside my head
it’s where my demons decide to come out to play
they dance with traumatic memories
making my fears and insecurities come out to the surface
it’s the wild wild west inside my head
being insane becomes my personality and aesthetic
scaring away any potential love candidates
it’s been a long time since I held someone’s hand
much less been in someone’s bed
It’s the wild wild went inside my head
And I wonder when will the demons get tired and leave
so maybe one day I’m not so jaded
so maybe one day I give someone the chance
to take me out on a date
aquí esta la version en Ingles:
poetry: my favorite customer
era otra noche aburrida en el trabajo
estaba atrapada en la isla diez
entre alma naciendo productos
y mis pensamientos intrusivos
una canción de los 90s suena de la altavoz
y cuando voy a cantar
escucho pasos detrás de mí
me volteo y él está allí
mi cliente favorito, 5’10, cabello negro y crespo
labios carnosos y rojos, y un cuerpo hecho
por un dios griego
estaba mirando las ollas y sartenes
me volteó al revés para que el no me vea
y mientras amanecía los tupperware
le echaba miradas furtivas
esperaba que él no se daría cuenta
de mi porque estaba hecha toda
un desmadre para coquetear
y mi corazoncito muerto resucitó
y empezó a volar mi imaginación
con fantasías de nuestro primer beso
y justo alli
el se me acercó y pensé, “hay dios mio”
claro que me pregunto por una olla
que no teniamos
le dije que “no” y me disculpe
el me contesto “no paso nada”
con su voz quebrada
y rapido se fue
y me pregunte, “estoy alucinando
pero se me hace que el también esta atraido a mi”
I wrote this poem in February of 2024.
love ties me up and binds with a rope of shame
slowly I fade away until I’m nothing
I don’t recognize who I am
Friends tell me I’ve changed
I tell them they’re crazy
messages appear in dreams
I’m living a fake life
who am i? who am i? who am i?
I wrote this poem in January of 2024.
Open mics, family, karaoke nights, dance parties,
Tarot readings, poems written on sticky notes,
Epiphany after epiphany about how I have always been worthy,
Long conversation about life in coffee shops,
Trips to my dad’s hometown, sharing silly verses with friends
making dumb videos, coffee cups that say main character energy
dancing in car while I drive, taking picture of the moon
and everything else that brings me joy,
and every single experienced Ive lived,
every single person I’ve loved
is what my life’s purpose is about
It’s joy,hate, love, anger, empathy, envy
it all brings purpose to my wretched everyday
existence
this poem is an updated version from the 2006 poem, “she flew”
she’s gone to the other side
leaving us in a state of mourning
no tears, no words soften the emotional blow
can’t take back how we took her for granted
and now anger, regret, and remorse
becomes who we are
until we accept the passage of time
is our biggest ally in healing from her absence
I wrote this poem in January of 2024.
Shadows of past sorrows came to visit me tonight
they were triggered by that Taylor swift song on vinyl
I poured myself some Hennessy to cope
made a toast to what could have beens
as tears fall on my paper trying to understand
the journey is sometimes shitty and full of nails
I had to step to get here
on the other side of madness and chaotic living
Living life intentionally and no longer just for the moment
here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11722
nachos y queso son un poema de amor para mi estómago
satisface mi antojo para algo salado
mi lengua se despierta cuando el queso se derrite en mi boca
y me mareo con júbilo
y me vuelvo una víctima a mi glotonería
mi lengua se vuelve más avaricioso mientras
que mi presión arterial vuela y vuela
hasta que mi corazón amenaza con explotar
I wrote this poem in January of 2024.
In bridging the gaps of my story that have remained unresolved
every story, every poem leads to pieces of healing and closure
I’ve been desperately search for since I can remember
Whatever my child self , my teenage self couldn’t voice back then
My middle age self brings to the surface
and while at times it’s difficult and terrifying
it’s needed in the process of healing and evolving
this is an updated version of the 2006 poem, “nachos and cheese”
nachos and cheese makes my tummy oh so happy
satisfies my craving for something salty
my taste buds are greatly aroused
as the cheese melts in my mouth
and I grow dizzy with glee
becoming a victim to my gluttony
my taste buds grow greedy for more
even my blood pressure soars
Escribí este poema en enero de 2024.
trato de bajar la luz en mis ojos cuando estoy contigo
y no muestro todo lo que siento por ti
no te quiero asustar, no quiero que te vayas de mi vida
Entonces juego mi rol de ser tu amiga
fingiendo inocencia y intenciones puras
cuando conversamos de todo y nada de la vida
here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=11706
llévame a recorrido de tu utopía
del cual tu siempre hablas
el sitio donde no hay trastornos
Mentales
donde todos nos quedamos dormidos
sin la necesidad de tranquilizantes
el cual a todos se le tratan con respeto
y son celebrados por ser diferentes
y no son marginados
o insultados
Life on the BPD 