I wrote this poem in June of 2020.
He reached the depths of her soul
With his hands and his lips
She couldn’t get enough
of this new feeling
of this newfound intimacy
Then
He threw her to the depths
of misery and devastation
when he disposed of her
at his convenience
She never wanted
this hell of darkness
within her that seemed
Neverending
He was the best-
and
He was the worst –
At loving her
He inspired love
He inspired hate
and no matter what
She couldn’t get away
from him
I wrote this poem in March of 2023.
My story is important to share, it’s important to write down
but I don’t want to do it from a place of anger, revenge, or ego
It’s strange to say this because for the past 5 years
Anger has been my major inspiration and motivation
to feed the narrative of how everyone has been a villain
and I’ve been a victim
It gave me a sense of martyrdom that allowed me
to find peace for a while
acting like everyone is a problem
While I just flounder around being wronged
And while I have so much compassion and love for this version of me
It’s not who I want to continue to be
It’s not how I want to be perceived
because I’m more than being angry and vindictive
I’m also kindness, goodness, empathy, and love
And when I share my story-I need to remember these things
The most important invention in your lifetime is…
the world wide web has been an important part of my life story
without it, there wouldn’t have been AOL chat rooms
without AOL chat rooms, I wouldn’t have met the man
who would drastically change my life path at 16
to become a mom at 17
I wrote this poem in January of 2023.
Cry in front of me and show me your vulnerable side
I won’t run away or shame you for sharing your pain
I understand what it’s like to be left alone
when you start to drown in your emotions
and you reach for someone and that person
turns you away
I will never be that callous
when I say you can be safe with me,
I really mean it
I wrote this poem in January of 2023.
if my parents hadn’t chosen america as their new homeland
I wonder who I would’ve been
a woman of priviledge married to a man who loves me for me
or would it have been inevitable for me to turn out as a rebel who’d cause many scandals
would I have take my education more seriously because of the pressure from society and my parents
or would I have still struggled with my ADD and said fuck it
I wonder who Peruvian me would have been if I didn’t have a bilingual and bicultural identity
Glimpse of me (inspired by Joji)
I catch a glimpse of the different versions of me
I’ve been in photographs, old poetry, past journal entries
dresses too big for me, mad women I was obsessed with
and I’m in awe of how I was able to survive despite all of the pain felt-
I’m grateful for all of the love I’ve given and made-
and all of the love given to the different versions of me
I’m glad for all of the versions of myself I’ve been in this lifetime
Who’ve led me to the me I am today
A woman in control of her thoughts, and emotions
A woman ready to let go of her past
A woman excited to embark on new adventures in love and life-
A woman finally living life on her own terms without regrets and lies-
The woman I’m becoming makes me tremble with enthusiasm
of what’s to come now that I’ve let go of everything
that’s been holding me back
11/20/22
I wrote this poem in December of 2022.
I’m going to surrender myself to the source
to find my meaning and purpose in the universe
It doesn’t matter how many times I whine or bitch
about how hard this recovery is-
it’s going to be worth it-
and I’m going to look back on this journey
and will be glad I took my time
and didn’t try to jump any steps to get to where I’m supposed to be
I wrote this poem in December of 2022.
pride and ego keeps us from speaking our truths
we don’t want to be perceived as crazy or as a basket case
and we suppress, suppress, suppress-
only speaking with cordiality and respectability
when we should really cut through the bullshit
and let every unfiltered thought make it to paper
so we don’t drown in anxiety and depression
regretting everything that’s never been said
I wrote this poem in December of 2022.
I grew up too quickly in some areas and remained a child in others –
it’s a truth that I hate to admit
it wasn’t my parents’ fault
they did the best with what they had –
an extra sensitive child with medical issues
it was too much for them to handle
when they were trying their best to keep their own heads above water
there was no extra time for the extra needs and demands I had
and while middle age holds space to have compassion for them
I still need to reparent my inner child
who comes out in the most inoportune of time
and has caused terrible havoc and harmed others
but it’s not her fault or mine
It happens sometimes, and now I’m taking the time
to nurture her so she can finally grow up
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
The scared and anxious little girl and the insecure and clingy woman tug at me-
I try to avoid them and lock them up in a box, but it never happens that way
They refuse to go away when a trigger of trauma visits me
And once again, I am lost in the alter ego I made up to protect myself
the one who shows up in confidence and screams through her poetry
but if I want to reach integration
I need to allow the little girl and the insecure woman space to reside within me
and honor them with powerful words of praise
because they, too, were part of my strength and resilience through the many traumas
It may feel painful at times-but for me to get to become a whole person
and reach emotional maturity – I need to walk hand in hand with the ones
who made me the powerful and confident woman I currently am
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
I thought that for once I had a healthy kind of love but I was wrong-
Healthy doesn’t carry lies, toning myself down, or accommodate in extremes
Healthy is not running from conflict or avoiding hard conversations
Healthy is not hiding the worst parts of myself because I’m too scared to be alone
Even now, I’m not sure what healthy is-but I didn’t have it with you
I wrote this poem in October of 2022 with the help of Quora.
what do most people not understand about borderline personality disorder?
what are borderline psychopaths?
can you trust someone with borderline personality disorder?
can someone who has bpd have empathy and feel bad for what they have done?
does a borderline individual ever had a hard time getting over someone or
can they easily forget?
what is borderline personality rage?
what hurts a person with BPD?
why is borderline personality so contradictory?
do people with BPD act normal to everyone except the person they’re splitting on?
are people with BPD childlike ?
can unconditional love treat borderline disorder?
does a person with bpd make their partners go crazy?
how do borderlines show they love you?
do borderlines ever find happiness, hope or a genuine connection?
what does a bpd episode look like?
should someone with BPD ever disclose that to a potential mate?
when do relationships with PwBpd start to fall apart?
are borderline psychotic?
can borderline disorder be cured?
Life on the BPD 