I keep my screams and cries inside for the sake of my pride Iβll pretend Iβm happy and fine even as waves of infinite grief wash over me and Iβm drenched in humiliation and shame for allowing myself to become the pawn in a game played by another guy whoβs only looking for a temporary distraction
Iβm more than a temporary destination for men to lay their love in I will no longer lay down and play princess and adjust and accommodate to their egos and needs when they can never make me a priority when they can never acknowledge my humanity from now I wonβt allow anyone near me unless they show themselves worthy of my time and energy
I used to have a tunnel vision of love thought it could only be felt with someone but I was wrong love is in the trees love is in the ocean love is in the earth and love is in myself my higher power taught me this and itβs a lesson Iβll forever cherish
Iβm not the woman of your dreams or the woman youβll worship as a deity or the woman who accommodates and bends according to your needs but Iβm the woman whoβll haunt you with the βwhat ifsβ, Iβm the woman whoβll fuel your creativity, Iβm the woman whoβll make you believe magics exists
you told me Iβm not wife material so you dropped me like I was nothing but not before you took me to your bed a few times but not before filling my head with the illusion that you wanted a future with me- Are you sick in the head? Is this how you always operate? Finding an insecure girl to get your primal needs met and later on dropping them like a bad habit
The emotional scars are starting to fade As Iβm starting a new phase A phase full of love and laughter A phase full of introspection and humility and while Iβm alone as I start this phase Iβm happier and healthier Iβve taken off all of my masks Iβve discarded my need to be loved and accepted This is my era One where I finally allow myself To let others see the real me
I was trapped in a mental cage of misery I didnβt know how to rewrite my story and while poetry helped me it was with grief and therapy I finally felt free I learned to let go of old resentments and grudges and healed old emotional bruises and while I still have minor annoyances my anger and angst no longer control me
Our relationship slowly wilted Too many broken promises Too many sacrifices on my part I gave you my youth and you two children and you couldnβt give me an ounce of affection I tried to melt your icy cold wall and you denied my warmth And I tried over and over again to save us! But how do you save something that continues to die? Date nights, long conversations,accommodating to your needs continuously, and marriage counseling but all of it was useless and completely pointless So I gave up and let our marriage fall into a coffin along with your broken promises to change I even kept the coffin open with a slight hope we could fix us But one day I got tired of waiting, waiting and waiting and I decided to close the coffin and nail it shut- It was time to bury our lackluster love
forgetting him will be your biggest regret one day as you grow older, youβll wonder about what could have been if only you had found your courage if only you hadnβt been so passive and now itβs getting too late for you to be a father to him the seeds of resentment are growing in him the damage of your abandonment is irreparable
You were another mistake made another one Iβm throwing in the land of the forgotten another one who couldnβt appreciate the rare and precious gem that I am another one whoβll inspire poetry about how my heart broke once again by trusting the wrong man
I used to live in a world full of regret, sorrow, and resentment until I no longer wanted to live in misery so I let go of everything and everyone that didnβt serve me and held onto everything and everyone who helped me grow and now Iβve blossomed with love, with purpose and for once Iβm full of happiness, calm, and serenity And I finally feel free to love my life, to love who Iβve become
Morning rain makes me want to lay longer in bed and listen to music and cry cry about everything that could have been but instead I get up and start my day even try to get excited about it because if I give in to my depression for even one day my inner critic wins
I cloak myself in compassion and empathy with family and friends but when it comes to myself- I criticize and judge and tell myself Iβm not worth it But itβs time to turn this narrative around Iβm done, done, done with being a self-loathing clown and using self-deprecating humor doesnβt help me it hinders my creativity and stops me from unlocking the potential within