I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
I summon success and wealth
I summon good energy
I summon letting go of unhealthy patterns
I summon a life without grief and strife
poetry: incantation
poetry: Horace and Betty
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
horace and betty flaunt 77 years of matrimony on the front page of the local newspaper
and I’m both awestruck and jealous at their achievement
because I couldn’t even get past year 11 of my marriage
because now I can’t even get past a talking stage on any of the dating apps
because I can’t imagine the kind of saintly patience, understanding and loyalty
required for that kind of commitment
horace and betty flaunt 77 years of matrimony on the front page of the local newspaper
and I wonder the fuck they did it
what was the magic key to unlock both their doors to a lifetime of shared love,respect
and vulnerability
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poetry: blackout poem
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
I never would change
I find you
I need you
Hey wake up
You can’t be here
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poetry: hinge part 1
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
Downloaded hinge to become unhinged
the fountain of inspiration was waning
and I needed a dose of new character energy
even if some of those characters are icky and shady
even if some of those characters annoy me
I can’t keep writing about the same old repetitive stories
reheating old trauma for the purpose of making art
after a while, it gets exhausting
after a while, it makes no sense since I’ve forgiven them all
and honestly, I can’t do another 4 years of Trump
Celibate and devoid of any romantic energy
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poetry: gateway
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
mami didn’t know the door she opened when she gave me Becquer”s Rhyme XXX
thought I would just take solace in the spanish poets words about heartbreak and move on
mami had no idea how that poem was a gateway to inspiration for me to write my first poem at 15
and keep writing them 30 years later
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Poetry: Faith
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
Faith found me one day
and told me to keep going when I didn’t want to
Faith made me believe in GOD when I wanted to fall
into the abyss of depression
Faith held me as I cried endless tears of my about
my latest life’s catastrophe
Faith loved me when I couldn’t love myself
Faith brought me people who believed in me
When I couldn’t believe in myself
Faith decided to one day bring it’s accomplice
HOPE
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poetry: I blame Mami
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
I blame my ADD, Mami and hypersensitivity for my poetic tendencies
I never had the attention span or time to learn to play an instrument or paint
instead at 15, I learned to write poems out of the shards in my heart left
from a breakup after reading Becquer, and ever since then
It’s been an ongoing love affair with poetry
one that is a refuge from the outside world, one that has been therapeutic
when I felt the sky fall on me many times
and while on most days I still suffer from imposter syndrome
and don’t consider myself a real poet
I don’t and won’t ever let that deter me from processing
the wonderful, terrible, and crazy things in my life through poetry
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Poetry: Hope
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
Hope lies in the next minute,
the next hour, the next day,the next week
Hope makes us believe
there is something to look forward to
even in our darkest hour
Hope gives us the strength
to continue on when we don’t want to
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poetry: tower records
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
tower records at 14, the beginning of my double life
the one where I went strange boys and smoked cigarette with them
the beginning of a mental illness
I wouldn’t get diagnosed with almost 30 years later
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Poetry: Blooming
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
My heart blooms like a flower in the spring
taking in the beauty of everything
I’m no longer so angry
and feel a freedom to just be
I take things in stride
and no longer feel the need to fight
Is this what healing looks like?
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poetry: sweet little princess
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
the nuns and mami started into obedience and I reverted into a world of silence
And everyone praised mami about what a good little girl I was
and no one thought much about this
until my parents demanded answers for the rebellious streak in my teens
couldn’t understand the numerous absences, the subpar performance in school,
why I sulked in my bedroom for hours on ended, the disrespect from my mouth
as I stood up for myself, they wondered where their sweet and quiet princess went
all the while they should have looked back 6 or 7 years ago
when they indoctrinated me to hold it all in or else they wouldn’t love me
should have known one day I’d rebel and explode as I was finding my spirit,
my voice once again after it had been buried under layers of good behavior
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poetry: 94
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
abuela, today is your 94th birthday and I still look for you
in mine and papi’s face
I still wonder how your story would have turned out
if you hadn’t been taken away from us at age 50
I still wonder if your spirit was with me and my son
on that magical day 2 years ago
I still weave parts of your story into mine
since our paths were so alike
and today I wonder if along your goddess cleavage,
I also inherited your fiery spirit and generosity
I wonder if right now you’re looking down on me
confused with the life I lead
or accepting and understanding I was made different
from the women in my family
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poetry: the task of failure
I wrote this poem in April of 2022.
If failure was a task I would be the poster girl for it
I’m a failure at love, I’m a failure at life,
I am a failure at Being Human
but all of these are thoughts of the past me
the new me doesn’t see herself as a failure
or that she has ever failed at life
she sees failure as a stepping stone and learning curve
the new me sees herself as a winner of life
and not the loser of 1
because she never gave up or didn’t give in
or because she’s a resilient queen
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poetry: sister loretto
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
short gray hair, steely blue eyes, red nose, transparent white skin
stern hands with a wooden rules in them
always ready to correct an unruly and wild child
who talked too much, who wiggled in line or at their desk,
who walked a thin line between angel and mortal
her presence intimidated me and scared me to tears
and a Godly fear of disappointing her quickly set in me at age 6
and quickly I learned how to swim
found that the key to never feel her wrath was silence
and unconditional obedience
by blending in with the walls, with my desk, only speak
when spoken to, ask permission for everything
even to breathe, become a good little soldier of the Lord
forget Spanish and leave my immigrant identity at home
it’s how I survived 5 years of religious indoctrination
it’s how I became an american
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poetry: holy spirit
I wrote this poem in April of 2025.
my first lesson in forgetting spanish came at age 6,
that first week in first grade at holy spirit
when Spanish came out of my mouth and sister Loretto screamed at tme
and threatened me with the ruler
I don’t remember what she said bu t I was deeply impacted
learned to be good, to be obedient was to forget who I was
and quickly I made my brain believe English was better,
English was the language for survival in my adopted homeland
and like a sponge, I absorbed it
I didn’t lose heart when I was placed in the lowest reading group,
didn’t cry when I mispronounced a word, and my classmates laugh
I just kept on going
understood that my parents sacrifice in coming here needed to be worth it
there was so much pressure on my shoulders to succeed at age 6
instead of playing make believe and getting lost in disney fantasies
my priority was to learn English and become my parents american dream
Life on the BPD 