I wrote this poem in 2001. I think that this poem was inspired by seeing what one of my family members was going through during their separation.
Walking through this house
so full in every single room
are memories of you
the living room where
you held me
the kitchen where we dined
the bedroom we made love
kind of hard to imagine
all that is left,
are pictures of you
in my mind
but I have to accept that
this house will be
empty and cold
just like my heart
since you left
without saying goodbye
Escribi este poema en el 2002. Habia tronado con otro desgraciado infeliz y estaba bien triste y amarga.
Me quedo inquieta
Al saber que no me querias
Que no más fui para ti
Otra mujer que te dio el sí
Para permitir que hagas
Todo lo que querías con ella
Ojala que algun dia aprenderas
Que nunca ganaras
Con ser tan desgraciado
Con tus feos modos
Y aunque me parte el alma
Tendré que ser capaz
De superar todo esto
Aunque tenga muchos lamentos
tengo que prometerme a mí misma
Nunca verte mas en mi vida
Por que verte denuevo
Me traería los mas tristes recuerdos
I wrote this in January of 2002 after I met my married coworker Lucas to who I became attracted to . I think I had just known him for a week but right away I became infatuated with him.
What am I doing?
Longing and yearning
For something that so obviously
not meant to be
What am I doing?
Hoping and wishing
that you’ll leave her soon
so you’ll be my love king
What am I doing?
Allowing to lose myself
Driving me to confess
That there’s something I feel
Maybe this time it’s for real
I’m not sure which ex I wrote this about but this is the general feeling I have when a relationship is going well. My anxiety goes up and I catastrophized. This was written in 2000.
I am scared
That my heart will tear
I am worried
One day you’ll be sorry
I’m so frightened
It’s just a matter of when
I am just tired
After so many liars
My mind is stuck
Thinking you just want to fuck
I am careful
Trying to not end up a fool
I wrote this in September of 2001, I guess I was frustrated with dating because it sucked getting stuck in relationships I had no business being in. Half the time, I did it to not be lonely but then I found myself miserable.
A Liberal Kind of Love
Holding hands and kisses
on the cheeks is
what we are no longer about
Hot and sweaty bodies
fucking with a goodbye
note in the morning
is now our nature
Respect, honesty, and trust
are long forgotten words
Deception, disillusionments and selfishness
are now our sacred words
I wrote this in 2001 about the great breakup of 2001. This is the last poem I wrote about this relationship. One of the aspects that I was hyper focused on during this breakup was being cheated on. Another reason, I flew into a rage was because “S” ex wife would not stop calling me after the breakup. It got to the point I had to change my phone number. She wasn’t exactly mean, I think she was trying to reach out as a fellow victim of “S” deception and wanted someone to process the pain with but I wanted no part of it. It felt too raw and painful for me at the time for me. And she wasn’t the only that called me about “S” cheating on me, there had been another chick by the name of Mariah. Also, the other part was that me and “S” communicated via email after the breakup for a few days just to fight about everything and place blame on each other. Emotions were really high not just on my part but for everyone involved. Also, this situation brought up triggers from my previous relationship with Paul. There are the reasons I went into a rage and ended up writing more than 40 poems about a 6 week long relationship. Reflecting on this now at 40, I can honestly say that I did process and heal from that breakup when it happened. I mean I did write like more than 40 poems about but maybe it’s what I needed to do at the time. I also don’t hold a grudge about “S” or his ex or anyone involved. Everyone was in their early 20s and we were all trying to do our best at that time and maybe our best looks shitty to other people.
You two were made for each other
Like the sun was made to be hot
To you I was just another toy
To play with,
But once the newness wore off
You decided to go back to
Your old comfortable teddy bear
Unfortunately old habits
are hard to break
This one is actually not salty but rather nostalgic about the great breakup of 2001.I think that one of reasons I had so much anger was that I hated myself for still having feelings for “”S” after the breakup. I felt weak for it and went against the image of strength that I had at the time.
How I wish so much
for another day with your warm touch
How I would like to believe deep down
that you still care about me
How I would like to turn back time
and go back to those days when you were mine
How I would like to say
Please don’t go away
How I still long
to dance another slow song
I hope you know that YOU really shouldn’t think about dating me unless you want me to write loads and loads of sad and angry breakup poetry about you once you leave. Just kidding. Maybe. LMAO Anyways, here is another salty poem about the great breakup of 2001.
I hope you know you made a mistake
The day you decided to go astray
You have just lost the best thing
It’ll get under your skin
And you will one day regret
The day you decided to forget
It was just supposed to be about me and you
And you’ll feel like such a damn fool
For I’ll never let you walk back into my life
Knowing you made love to me with your disgusting lies
I hope you’re miserable with her
and karma comes for you and her
and for me you’ll just be another nightmare
Today marks my 11 year anniversary with my husband and while me and him are no longer in a romantic relationship; I’m still celebrating it. This might seem strange to a lot of people including myself. I honestly didn’t think I would write this blog post for today. I thought I was just going to post a salty ass poem about him and I still will but why not celebrate this man that has been my ride or die for the past 18 years. While yes, I still plan on separating and divorcing this man in the near future; my heart does not hold any resentment and anger towards him like it has in the past. I love him because he is my chosen family that has and will always be there for me no matter what. I’ve told my perspective about our relationship in this blog and while that is my truth; I feel that in some ways I’ve painted him in a very negative light and may have been unfair to him.
A lot of that was anger and resentment that I felt towards him at the time and towards myself for our relationship not working out. Now that he and I are in our third year of being co-parents and friends, I look at him in a different way and really accept him for who he is. It’s been a long journey to get here but I’m glad I’m here.
As I look back and reflect on mine and his journey what strikes me is how loyal he’s been to me throughout my worst of times. He could have abandoned me when my oldest son was diagnosed with autism early in our relationship, when I got unexpectedly pregnant with our first child together, when I use to yell at him and emotionally abuse him, after my suicide attempt in 2016 and after I asked him to open up our marriage. But he didn’t. He stayed and was supportive in his own way and yes sometimes that came off as controlling but I think now that it was his way of being over protective. He’s accommodated to whatever crazy and impulsive choices I’ve made and he’s stood by my side when I’ve had mental health crises. He’s not the type of man to ever run away when things get hard. In fact, he’s the type to stand by you until you get back up and after. Maybe that’s why I was in a romantic relationship with him for 15 years, he stayed no matter what. He also could have given up on me many times before we decided we wouldn’t continue our romantic relationship. He could also have kicked me out even after I flaunted my situationship and new boyfriends in front of his face.
Also, I could have not lucked out more with having the best father for my children. This man is extremely devoted to our three children and loves them more than life. He makes sure that they are always very well taken care of. And co parenting with him has been an easy ride with a few mishaps.
As I write this, I’ve realized how incredibly lucky and fortunate I am to have him in my life. It sucks that our romantic relationship didn’t work out but what doesn’t suck is still having him in my life as my co parent and friend.
Maybe I am the girl version of Joe Goldberg after all. LMAO. Of course, this was written about the great breakup of 2001.
Maybe I am sad
finding out you were such a cad
Maybe I am blue
Knowing you were never true
Maybe I was too blind to see
you weren’t really into me
Maybe I was a fool
To never have seen past your bull
Maybe I am done
With guys like you using me for fun
Maybe just maybe I can get past all this
Knowing one day you’ll have to pay for this
I wrote this in December 2001 after seeing my ex “S” from the “great breakup of 2001”. I saw him at mall while I was shopping. I remember not being able to breathe and having to get out of there.
I was minding my own business
when I came upon your ugly face
I started right away to get restless
Thinking how you had been such a fucking waste
I hope you didn’t notice
How I had forgotten to breathe
How the memory of your kiss
Came back to me
That’s when I had to turn around and leave
I wrote this in January of 2002 about Lucas , my married coworker. We are finally at this chapter of my life; yeah, the one where I fell “in love” with my married coworker. I was 20, almost 21 and he was 31. This was one of the most interesting and tumultuous seasons of my love life due to the crazy circumstances surrounding it but that’s another blog post. Lol.
And so I finally meet
The man of my destiny
But of course
There is a minor oversight
He is bound to another by law
But does his face light up
when she enters the room?
Does he desire me as I desire him?
Does he care for her the way I care for him?
Does he still want her as bad as I want him?
This was the second poem I wrote in December of 2001 inspired after seeing my ex “S” at the mall. I was still feeling all of those raw emotions after this breakup when I wrote this. Looking back on it, I’m glad that at the time, I took my emotions out on paper instead of finding other means of escape with alcohol or someone else.
There you were
In front of me
My love murderer
I wanted to yell and scream
and say
You are the most deceitful, lying, scum king
I wanted to throw at you my fist
with all my might
And punch those lips I had once kissed
I wanted to kill you with a look
that said
You bastard, look at how much you took away from me
Instead, I had to walk away
and take back with me
All I wanted to do or say
I wrote this about the great breakup of 2001. I guess part of the reason why I reacted the way I did was because my ego took a big hit. I mean, I’m already a person that has identity and self esteem issues and each breakup triggers a feeling of worthlessness inside that’s hard to get rid of.
You’ll never know
How much you’ve hurt me so
You’ll never see
The mess you’ve made of me
You’ll never hear
The words “ I love you dear”
You’ll never ever find out
That loving you was what I was about
For I am too damn proud
To admit I was a fool out loud
For I have too much pride
To ever let you see me cry
For I have too much dignity
To ever let you return to me
For I have too much respect
To ever let you turn me into a wreck
I wish I could’ve spent more time picking up a hobby than writing all of this salty poetry about this dude. LMAO. This is of course another poem inspired by the “great breakup of 2001”.
I wish I could
Forget all of you
And take back the time
Spent loving you
I wish I could make you see
All of the misery you caused me
I wish I could make you feel
My pain that is so extremely real
I wish I could see you hurting
It would be something I would take comfort in
I wish I could just not care
But life isn’t always fair
Life on the BPD 