I wrote this in 2008 in my creative writing class. I actually hated that class because I didn’t fit in. It’s a long story for a blog post at a later time.
I don’t want to be
a style ,a genre
a multicultural read
with scattered Spanish
in my text
that is interpreted
as Chica or Latina lit
-NO!-
I refuse to be a mere category
Or a trend or a fad
When there is a much bigger message
Than the stereotypes
people want to imply
Para la versión en español de este poema, haga clic en este enlace:
Poesia: La Oscuridad
You left me in an eternal darkness
Without any compassion, without any humanity
You caused me an infinite pain
with your malicious and false ways
You left me in a world of insecurity
How can I trust ever again?
But I promise you thing
you’ll remember me
After our painful parting
You had it all with me
And now there’s no way
To recover my love
With a unique and ardent warmth
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
The sun is shining
Everything is green and bright
And yet winter feels eternal
In my heart
The blackness that is my sadness
Seems to seep and ooze everywhere
Inside of me
Is this what true loneliness feels like?
Will I ever get rid of what feels like
my forever depression?
Or do I just learn to live
with the elephant that
lives on my chest?
That I try desperate not to awake
Writing, exercise, friends, tv-
Everything to keep it calm
But no matter what
The elephant always seems
To wake up
I wrote this in 2017 during my great depression.
I want to write about love
But instead find myself
Writing about depression and loss
Everything feels so vague and fake
I don’t know what or who’s
Real anymore
Is it existential dread
Or a midlife crises
Or a mixture of both?
Living in a world rampant
With comparisons
With the click of a button
Tears at my soul
Thanks to the ridiculous
And never ending standards
Modern society thrusts upon us.
It’s all a constant competition
About who has the best life
Have we all become society’s
Attention whores?
So I had forgotten to post this poem from the great breakup of 2001.
I guess it was fate
For you to cross that thin line
Between love and hate
You were really a waste of time
Now you’ll never know
How good you and me could’ve been
Or how much I really loved you so
But your love was only a smoke screen
I even thought we had forever
because I wanted to believe you were true
but I guess you were another whatever
and I was another one you’d screw
Now there’s nothing left to say
and it’s time to forget everything
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/28/poetry-thank-you/
Gracias por hacerme saber
que estaba con una desgraciado infeliz
Gracias por quitar la venda de mis ojos que yo tenía
pensando que él era solo mio
Gracias por decirme que mi amorcito
me llenaba de mentiras
Y por ultimo gracias por quitarmelo de encima
el nunca mereció alguien tan buena como yo
I wrote this about my oldest son after a very proud mom moment. I thought about everything he went through and processed it through this poem.
I didn’t think this day
Would come so soon
I wasn’t prepared for the
Emotions I would feel
“You were doomed to
Be another “statistic”
They said
And autism on top of that!
Good luck
Becoming a productive
Member of society
They said
“No way, will you succeed
brown autistic boy,
Son of a teenage mom”
They said
Yet here you are –
Proving the naysayers wrong
Here is where you belong
Not yet graduated from
High school but starting
Your first college classes
Tonight
Here is where you belong
Despite the obstacles,
The haters, society
Trying to fuck you over
Here is where you belong
-on the start of a journey to success
And here I am
Beaming with pride
And love for you
My beautiful brown boy
Defying everything and
Everyone that ever
Stood in your way.
I wrote this poem in 2016 when I was reflecting on how different my children were. At the time, my middle son was going through a difficult time and it was hard to deal with.
Living with my three children
Is like living in three different countries
My oldest would be Singapore
With strict rules and laws,
He hates flaws in himself
And others and is unforgiving
It’s challenging to live in
Singapore
My middle child would be a war torn ridden country
Like Syria
That’s currently filled with constant chaos,
He is trying to find himself in a place
He feels unwanted and lost
It is an unpredictable struggle
To reside in Syria
My youngest child would
Be an established and friendly country like Spain
He is vibrant, laid back yet energetic
Occasionally you hear about political protests
That reminds me of his occasional tantrums when
His life feels unjust
It is almost a predictable and easy existence to
Live in Spain
I wrote this poem sometime around 2014 or 2015. I was feeling nostalgic about a former flame I had been obsessed with. This tends to happen a lot with me. Letting go of my past is hard at times.
Shadows of my past
Envelop my future
Everywhere I go
Time has passed
I am older
Harsh experiences
Have made my cynical
And embrace
My mediocrity
But still
Shadows of the past
Envelop my future
Everywhere i go
I’m happy that you found
Your idyllic happiness
With someone else
And living the life
You always wanted
But shadows of our past
Envelop my future
Everywhere I go
I love my children
I love my spouse
But for one more moment
Of us
I would leave them
And everything else behind
Shadows of our past
Envelops my future
Everywhere I go
I wrote this 2013 about my husband.
Silence, awkward silence is what was left after everything they needed to say was said
It was the same fight over and over again.
Old wounds were brought to the surface and reopened.
She blamed him for derailing her ambitions
and he blamed her for derailing the productive and selfish life he once led.
They both couldn’t see that they were both at fault
for not continuing to push each other to flourish
but instead they fell into a complacent spell
And a pattern of a comfortable
and the fruitless routine of suburban life.
And the years went on and they had nothing to show for it
except debt and wrinkles they both inflicted upon themselves.
And the years went on and all that was left
was regret for her for the things that she didn’t get to experien
I wrote this poem in 2006 about my Mother In Law and my second son. We lived with her for a year and she was enamored by him.
Almost frozen in her familiarity
Trapped by her body’s slow betrayal
Boredom and solitude embrace her tightly
Her unheard cries drown her
Forgotten, forgotten she was
Her world had come to an almost silent
Pause
Until
She saw him
With beady eyes as blue as hers
And skin rumpled as lover’s sheets
He was a heinous sight
But to her
He was splendid to her dying eyes
He became her last burst of joy,
Her last adoration
And her last breath of life
She was ending with his fresh scent of purity
And he was starting with her aged scent of experience
I wrote this in 2009 about Brad.
Rejection
Is an interruption
Of the infatuation
I felt towards you
Rejection
Is a profound sadness
With a river of tears
That flows down my cheeks
Rejection
Is a broken promise
You made
That breaks my heart
Along with the rest of me
Rejection
Is the start of learning
Who you are
Behind the facade
Of infatuation
I wrote in December of 2012 when I was amidst a great depression.
Recognizing the triggers of
My depression is one of
The hardest things I have to do
It’s when I’m silent
Wishing all the bad things
Would go away
It’s when I stop listening
To music
It’s when I struggle
To open my eyes
And face another dreadful day
