Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: i’m sorry, lo siento

I wrote this poem in January of 2023.

me at 8 in an itchy AF dress, couldn’t hide my RBF

to little me, I’m sorry, lo siento
I’m sorry, lo siento
There are no words that could make sense
or give purpose to what you went through
it was awful that your childhood was tainted by trauma
that wasn’t acknowledged
or that your feelings were invalidated
by those who promised to love and protect you
I’m sorry , lo siento
I’m sorry, lo siento
and while I know my words are insufficient to lessen
the pain and trauma you experienced
I’m here to acknowledge it and make sure you can heal from it

Posted on by pattytacuri

playtime in my middle age

getting ready for playtime
Daily writing prompt
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
View all responses

so as I thought about my response for this prompt, I wondered what does constitute as “playtime” in your middle age? For me, it’s every time I’m creative so that means writing or creating content for my blog and social media. Playtime also means finding moments of joy during the day whenever I can which is tough to do working two jobs. I do this by taking my daily coffee breaks at my day job while blasting my music in my ear buds or turning my car radio all the way up while I drive and having my own concert where I sing and dance in my seat. I’m sure I look crazy to other drivers but I don’t care. Lol. Playtime also means joking around with my coworkers and friends about the silliest or stupidest things that occur to me and either I make them cringe or make them laugh or sometimes both. Play time also means karaoke with my kids or discussing poetry with friends. I guess play time in my middle age means trying to find joy and happiness whenever and wherever I can.

Posted on by pattytacuri

doing the best I can

you are enough
Daily writing prompt
What are your biggest challenges?
View all responses

I never asked to be born, much less to be a mosaic of trauma, insanity, and creativity
I prayed many times to be normal-to be someone else
but the day came when I had to embrace the masterpiece of duality and insanity that I am
to understand not everyone will understand me
to do the best I am with the deck of cards I’ve been handed

12/13/23

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: transparency

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

I want you at the front row at open mic

I want the transparency of your being-
the stuff you won’t show anyone else
the secrets you’re afraid to share
I want your vulnerability in our intimacy
Even if you think it’s messy or cringy
I promise I won’t judge and there will be no need
for sorries
now that I’m falling for you
I want to know every part of you
I won’t do what the others have done to you or me
I’ll stay because love means loyalty and honesty

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: surrender

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

the journey has been worth it thus far…

I’m going to surrender myself to the source
to find my meaning and purpose in the universe
It doesn’t matter how many times I whine or bitch
about how hard this recovery is-
it’s going to be worth it-
and I’m going to look back on this journey
and will be glad I took my time
and didn’t try to jump any steps to get to where I’m supposed to be

Posted on by pattytacuri · 2 Comments

day ten of patty: mixed signals

I wrote this poem in October of 2023.

don’t mess with a poet-you’ll become her muse whether you like it or not

I give you a yard and you give me an inch-
it’s a game of back and forth nonsense
one where I respect your unspoken boundaries
and need for space
until one day the push back from you
pulled back into a dark place I haven’t been in a while
a place where my confidence breaks, a place where I start to question my worth
a place when my sense of self breaks once again
and I know right there and then, it’s better to give up
whatever this was
I’ve outgrown men who send me mixed signals

Posted on by pattytacuri

day nine of patty: june 2014 me

I wrote this in september of 2023.

2014 me is proud of who we are now

The ME from June of 2014 sends me a message and asking, where are you?
I tell her, life didn’t go as planned-you’re divorced and looking for a place for your ex
but your kids are thriving-your oldest son has his driver’s license and is on his last semester
Of accounting at Athens Tech-
Your middle son will graduate from high school this year-
and your baby is now taller than you and becoming his own person
You’re working 2 jobs and you’re a citizen now and you’ve been to therapy
to learn healthier coping mechanisms-
you even drive now-you’re independent as fuck and live life on your own terms
you’ve even been to Peru twice-
You’re learning to follow your intuition and how use discernment in your choices
in how you live your life-
you’ve discovered your values underneath everything society brainwashed into you
and at the end of the day all you want be is a good mom and a good person
that’s the extent of your life’s purpose-
now that we know who we are
our next step is to plan the future we want-
we’ll keep on thriving girl-you were the go getter and determined woman in me
Even among one of my greatest depressions
You still got up and followed your passions-
And you laid the foundation-we’ll be okay-I promise
I’ll make you proud of me-
Love patty

Posted on by pattytacuri

day eight of patty: outline

I wrote this poem in August of 2023.

in my car-the place where my crazy ideas happen

the outline of her body in the middle of the road-
told the most tragic of stories
she wasn’t looking when she crossed the street
she was lost in her thoughts
and the driver speeding didn’t see her
and splat went her body
death came quickly to her
her last thought was mission accomplished
but the world thought
another victim of an unexpected and tragic circumstance

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: war chest

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

always thankful

in my literary war chest lies a lifetime of love failures,
insecurities about motherhood and confusion about my identity
in my literary war chest lies unfiltered thoughts about grief
for everything I never was and potential unfulfilled
in my literary war chest lies the answers to how I survived
Catastrophe after catastrophe-
In my literary war chest lies proof of my strength and resilience
in the worst of times

Posted on by pattytacuri

day seven of patty: marie antoinette

I wrote this poem in July of 2023.

that working class and immigrant rage is no joke

she thinks she should be thanked for flexing her confidence
clothed in privilege and luxury by posting advice to women
about how dining alone in a fancy restaurant is women’s empowerment
and I have an adverse reaction that makes me want to vomit
it feels like a modern day Marie Antoniette moment
perhaps it’s because I’m a working class immigrant woman
who struggles in America
perhaps it’s because the rights of the marginalized and working class
are being ripped away from us
and on my social media feed, this yuppie and elitist bullshit appears
how can I be friends with this bleached blonde Barbie
oh yeah, we worked together briefly
and I almost start to comment with an essay on how she should
check her privilege before handing out tokens of toxic positivity
while people like me are drowning in debt and lack financial stability
but I stop
this barbie isn’t worth my time or energy
it’s time to unfriend and unfollow the marie antoinette wannabe
who only serves to trigger my working class rage
who serves to remind of the injustice and inequality
in this capitalistic and racist American society

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: expansion

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

no hard feelings-just wishing y’all the best

my hearts expands wishing nothing but the best for my exes

I hope that one guy got to recovery and he’s settled with a nice girl
he met at church and they live somewhere in the country

I pray that one dude found someone nice and calm like him
to share a life with

I wish the latest one found someone who’s not crazy
he’s in love someone who brings stability and routine to his life

but most of all, I wish all of them to live their lives authentically and with purpose

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

day five of patty: on the shitty days

I wrote this poem in May of 2023.

on the shitty days, get a baseball bat and take pics

not every day can be filled with peace, calm, joy or excitement
Some days are absolutely shitty and depressing
Some days it’s hard to get up in the morning
without screaming fuck repeatedly on your way to work
Some days are overwhelming to push through
as hormones and emotions fuck you up
Some days are for questions your life choices over
and over again allowing doubt and insecurity
to cloud you its accomplice self invalidation
Some days are for getting up only to look forward to the end of it
when you can sleep with the hope for a better day

Posted on by pattytacuri

day four of patty: mortal

I wrote this poem in April of 2023.

it’s okay to make mistakes-it’s part of being human

I almost drowned in a whirlpool of shame today because I made a mistake
because I’m an imperfect human
but I breathe in deeply self compassion and grace
and accept this is a small blunder in my life
and it shouldn’t take up too much space in my mind
And I needed to be a friend to myself
Understand I won’t always be flawless-
Afterall I’m only mortal

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: the sky

I wrote this poem in December of 2022.

this could be and my lonely chicken nugget but he’s too scared to date me…no idea why..lol

On days when I’m hopeful about love-
my laugh is lighter, my smile is brighter,
my thoughts are the color of the sky
thinking of the endless possibilities
of how I’ll be loved and the many places
me and my future somebody will go-
while my cringy playlists play on the car radio
and the many discussions or fights that might happen
because one of us said the wrong thing
or one of us won’t admit we got lost
I”m still hopeful though
keeping in mind that conflict is also part of how we’ll evolve

Posted on by pattytacuri

day two of patty: graduation

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

me in feb of 2023…trying to reclaim the softness in me

I’m graduating from writing about revenge and everyone who has harmed me
I’m switched this narrative from woman scorned and full of spite
To a woman reborned opened to love and joy in life
While it’s fun to be petty and mean
It’s better for me to reclaim the corny romantic in me
the one I’ve kept hidden for 18 months
the one who cries at the end of rom coms
the one who’s desperate to fall in love again
to continue this narrative about how I’m in love with my solitude
no longer suits me
when I have a universe of love to give