Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: prison

I wrote this poem in March of 2020.

me in March of 2020

Trapped in this self made prison-
Trapped in what I thought was the American Dream
/but in reality is the immigrant nightmare
Trapped in my mom’s life
Trapped under a heavy blanket of strength
I continue to cloak myself in
Trapped in a suburban hell
of family and responsibilities
Trapped because I wasn’t patient enough,
wasn’t independent enough
to build the life I truly wanted
And instead settled
for a mediocre one
Trapped because of my fear of being lonely
a fear that has chained me to a heavy present
without any hope for the future

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poetry: my anger walks in

I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

watch out when I have this look on my face…lol

my anger walks in and I feel an earthquake within
and I become the saltiest bitch
Writing poetry about anyone who’s wronged me
but then again it is entertaining
Seeing how mean and petty I can be
It’s not like I’m vindictive or seeking out revenge
most of these new angry poems won’t be shared with the world
it will be kept inside the pages of my notebooks and journals
I just need to let it out and scream
Fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, fuck the world, fuck everything
Before I take it out on anybody
before I post something stupid and cringy I’ll regret later
before I allow the world to know how I’m burning

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poetry: solitude

I wrote this poem in March of 2019.

honestly tho

Alone in my solitude
I am again-
trying to get through
My bout of crippling loneliness
When all I want to do is disappear-
and escape from the life I created
The picture perfect life
where everyone and everything
seems to fit in an perfect puzzle
It’s a imperfect perfection
That’s slowly killing me,
breaking parts of my sanity,
Parts of the real me-
where I understand
henrik Ibsen’s protagonists

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poetry: fuck this journey

I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

this journey be hard sometimes

Sometimes I’m like fuck this healing journey
can I just go back to the woman I used to be
the woman who invited and welcome chaos in
the woman who needed a man to make her feel complete
the woman who bought into society’s conditioning about who she should be
can I just be her for a day or two
To get some perspective as to why this journey is so important to me

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poetry: best birthday gift

I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

best birthday gift ever

He came into my life on a cold february night-
He decided to make a dramatic entrance
on my 24th birthday
He didn’t mean to steal my thunder as he tried
to make his entrance-a month beforehand
But fortunately the doctors stopped
his almost too sudden arrival
But that cold February night-
was the right time for him
I wanted to go the natural route
but he had other plans with the horrible pain he caused
EPIDURAL PLEASE-LIKE RIGHT NOW
OR I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GETTING
THIS CHILD OUT
Within minutes he was out and once again
I was in love but this time with the life I created

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: stumble

I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

my and my sensitive soul…sigh

I stumble and fall all the time
but no one knows about it
I’m great at masking my pain
with makeup, pretty dress, and statuses
about how I’m living my best life
when in reality, I fantasize about disappearing
into a black hole
because life feels like a terrible chore
that messes with my sensitive soul

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poetry: mother of three

I wrote this in February of 2019

I’m still asking myself this question

Mother of three
What does that even mean?
Responsibilities, obligations, duties
Alcohol and going out are taboo for me

Songs of sacrifices and martyrdom
Are the tunes I hum
Dinner with friends and late
Night concerts are just WRONG!

Soccer games and play dates
Are my important dates
No time to spend
With my lifetime mates?

Mother of three,
Will I ever be free?

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poetry: I trust myself

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

it’s time to trust my intuition

I fall in love and obsessed over these concepts over who I should be,
over who I should love, over who I should mirror
I read and read books on BPD, mental health, and trauma constantly
I take advice from influencers, poets, and psychologists on social media
Seriously thinking this is how I heal, this is how I become healthy
but that’s a lie-
while everything I do helps me
I need to listen to my intuition more
I need to trust myself more
and acknowledge I’m doing enough
and come to an understanding I am on my heroine’s journey
that’s unique only to me
honor my truth within me, accept it, and that’s how I begin to really heal

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poetry: graduation

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

it’s time to reclaim the corny romantic in me

I’m graduating from writing about revenge and everyone who has harmed me
I’m switched this narrative from woman scorned and full of spite
To a woman reborned opened to love and joy in life
While it’s fun to be petty and mean
It’s better for me to reclaim the corny romantic in me
the one I’ve kept hidden for 18 months
the one who cries at the end of rom coms
the one who’s desperate to fall in love again
to continue this narrative about how I’m in love with my solitude
no longer suits me
when I have a universe of love to give

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poetry: an open letter to year 42

I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

me on my birthday last year, this heroine spent her birthday working…

I’m at year 42 and I’m only getting started on my heroine’s journey
I’ve learned so much about myself and my toxic patterns in year 41
I understand now how my overreactions, my need to avoid conflict
my need to please were all trauma responses learned from childhood
where my emotions were never validated
I now hold a world of knowledge, confidence, and power within me
and on year 42, I ready to act like the badass Incan Queen
I make myself out to be
Except this year I’ll act out of love and compassion
and not out of revenge and spite
even when I’m pissed, angry at someone or at something
I need to dig in deep and feel that grief
instead of immediately throwing out accusations
and blaming everyone but me
Understand it’s me projecting my insecurities
This year I’ll continue my heroine’s journey in healing and recovery
but I’ll try to do it more with grace, with intent and compassion
for myself and others
I’ll cover myself in love from God, the universe, and my ancestors
with all of that love act out of a pure and intentional energy
that will continue to help grow and evolve

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Last day of year 42.🥹🎉

It’s the end of Chapter 42 in my life story. While my life is far from ideal, I’m still grateful and feel incredibly blessed for this past year of growth. I think that two words that describe this year have been: community and bravery. I found community with friends, at open mic, online with other writers, and continue to strengthen my relationships with my sons. I also reconnected even more with my beautiful culture and homeland . I was brave this year in many ways, but I was very intentional about it. It was hard at times to do certain things and continue to find the willpower and determination to do them, but I did it. I’m not sure what chapter 43 has for me. I don’t have any big plans aside from writing my book and continuing to be my moody and creative Pisces self with an occasional ray of sunshine. It’s been a good year. 🥹🎉 #piscesseason #endof42 #birthdayweek https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3qBI13MkRN/?igsh=YWhxaWZjMHgycGJw