I wrote this poem in February of this year inspired by my oldest son.
me and my oldest son in March of this year
the guilt visits me over the mother I should have been I should have been older, wiser, married but instead you ended up with an immature teen mom who read you Stephen King instead of fairy tales who played you Matchbox Twenty instead of lullabies who wore you on my hip like a new fashion accessory who missed the signs early on that you were different because I was too self absorbed looking for love but what’s done can’t be undone- I hope one day you understand I did the best I could with what I had
2012/2023 -Don’t let the world dim your spark kiddo
I wish I could live forever in this bliss a bliss where you’re still innocent a bliss where I keep you sheltered from this savage world but you’re growing up fast and I can’t keep you my little boy forever and the inevitable first heartbreaks and disappointments will happen- and while I’ll always be there to catch you after, and remind you of my mother’s love I also hope and pray to God you’re strong enough, you’re resilient enough, you’re brave enough to face whatever challenge and obstacle comes your way and I hope you’re full of compassion and kindness and don’t allow the cruelty of the world to ever dim your spark
Setting This takes place in a nice and clean kitchen and there is a refrigerator with pictures and Jason’s drawings and also a table.
LACIE enters following MARY into the kitchen door and sits down. LACIE puts her coat on the chair. LACIE is coming home from prison. LACIE walks with a slight limp and sits down.
LACIE: Damn, Mom, the kitchen looks a helluva lot different compared to the last time I was here. MARY: Well, I guess I forgot to mention to you. We renovated the kitchen last summer. LACIE: Well, I gotta tell ya , you really outdid yourself. MARY: Yeah, well with your dad’s new job, we’ve been able to do a lot of things around here we always wanted to do but never had the money to— LACIE: Wait, Dad got a new job? God, he’s been at Phillips Assembly for years, I thought he would stay there forever. MARY: Well, ya know we thought it was time for him to move on to something else…something where he could better our situation. LACIE: Still, Dad and change, you know damn well those are just two things that don’t go together.(Looks at fingernails and bites them.) So, where is he working? MARY: Dacute Enterprises. He’s an overseer for their assembly line.
(LACIE bursts out laughing.)
MARY: Hey, what’s so funny? LACIE: Who in their right mind would give a drunk a supervisory position?
(MARY frowns.)
MARY: Well, maybe things have changed more than ya think. LACIE: Whadda ya mean? MARY: You’ll see. So, how does it feel to finally be back home? LACIE: Pretty good. But damn, I didn’t imagine that so much shit would change ‘round here. MARY: Hey, watch your language around here!
LACIE: It didn’t bother ya before.
MARY: Well, we don’t talk that way no more.
(LACIE gives MARY a dismissive look.)
MARY: Ya know, for Jason’s sake.
LACIE: Okay, then.
MARY: So, ya hungry?
LACIE: Yeah.
MARY: Whadda ya feel like eating?
(MARY goes to the refrigerator and looks for something to cook.)
LACIE: Anything really.
MARY: Okay.
(MARY pulls out something to cooks fridge. LACIE looks at JASON’S artwork on
the side of the fridge.)
LACIE: So, these are Jason’s drawings?
(MARY closes fridge and looks proudly at artwork.)
MARY: Yeah, creative ain’t he?
LACIE: Yeah, I see that. I can’t wait ‘til he gets home. Me and him have lotsof catching up to do.
MARY: Don’t get so excited , we really do need to talk about—
LACIE: Later, I don’t feel up to listening to one of your talks…had to listen to enough of them when you use to visit me.
(MARY lets out a big sigh.)
MARY: Okay.
LACIE: So, when’s he coming home?
MARY: Well your dad shoulda picked him up from voice lessons ten minutes ago so they should be home maybe in 30 minutes.
LACIE: Voice lessons? What the….I mean, when did this happen?
MARY: Six months ago,the reverend at church heard him singing one day and thought he was pretty good and so he suggested voice lessons to fine tune his instrument, whateva that means. Your dad didn’t wanna let him at first, but Jason, as always, found a way to convince him.
LACIE: Church huh? Since, when did y’all start going to church?
MARY: Well…
LACIE: Ya know something; I need a beer about now.
(LACIE gets up and looks in the fridge for a beer.)
LACIE: Where does dad keep the beer nowadays? I can’t find it. MARY: Your dad doesn’t drink anymore.
(LACIE slams the refrigerator door and sits down.)
LACIE: What do you mean dad don’t drink no more? You gotta be joking right? MARY: Now why would I joke about something like that?
LACIE: He don’t drink no more? At all? MARY: Nope. It was one of the conditions the social worker gave us that your dad had to agree to so the state would let us have custody of Jason. I wanted him to tell you himself, but— LACIE: What the hell! I mean I know I’ve been gone for a while, but sheesh I expected at least a few things to stay the same. MARY: I thought you’d be happy your dad stopped drinking. I know it’s something you used to always whine about. LACIE: I know I did, it’s just that… MARY: What is it? LACIE: Never mind. Well, at least I can count on one thing and that’s finally getting to know my kid. I can’t wait to see him. I wonder if he’ll still remember me— MARY: We need to talk. LACIE: I told you, I don’t feel like— MARY: You just don’t know. There are some things that we’ve had to tell—
(DALE enters with JASON running. Jason notices Lacie and hides behind Mary’s chair.)
MARY: I wasn’t expecting y’all so soon. (Gives DALE an accusatory look.)A call sure would’ve been nice. DALE: Well, I didn’t expect J’s lesson to let out so early and since I was— JASON: Who’s that?
(Lacie approaches Jason slowly.)
LACIE: You should know who I am, now come over here and give your –
(Dale immediately gets in between Lacie and Jason and pulls Jason to him, faces him.)
MARY: Sister a big hug. Don’t ya remember we talked last week about a sister that might be coming to live with us? JASON: Oh! Now, I remember! The one living in…in (Jason starts scratching his head) DALE: Europe for the past six years. JASON: That’s right…Hey, I’m Jason
(Extends hand to LACIE, LACIE grabs him and hugs him, JASON is real uncomfortable. LACIE won’t let go of JASON, MARY goes and rescues JASON from LACIE’S grasp and pulls him towards her. LACIE’S eyes tear up.)
MARY: Jason, honey, why don’t you go wash up and go to your room for a little while your dad and I catch up with your sister. JASON: Okay, Mommy.
(JASON leaves, but looks back in kind of a weird way at LACIE.)
(LACIE stands there for a minute and then walks towards where JASON went, MARY stops her by grabbing her by the shoulders. They’re facing each other.)
MARY: Don’t! LACIE: Sister? Europe? What kinda lies have you been telling MY son? DALE: Keep your voice down, the boy will hear you.
(MARY motions for LACIE to sit down but LACIE won’t.)
MARY: Sit down, please, your dad and I need to explain a few things to you.
LACIE: Explain what? That you have basically stolen my son from me… YOU promised me he would know who I was once I got out. No fucking wonder you wouldn’t bring him to come visit me. I ain’t gonna listen to this shit.
(LACIE heads towards the door to get JASON but DALE stands in front of the door.)
LACIE: Get outta my way, you— DALE: Sit down and shut up and LISTEN to what me and your ma have to say if you care about Jason at all. LACIE: Shit! That’s funny coming from you considering all my life the only thing you ever cared about was your fucking Rolling Rock. I wouldn’t be in this fucking mess if you hadn’t been such a sorry-
(DALE slaps LACIE across the cheek, MARY pulls them apart, all three of them just stand there for a moment.)
LACIE: I don’t need this shit! I’m getting my son and leaving this hellhole! MARY: Please, Lacie, don’t be so damn stubborn and hear us out— LACIE: Why the hell should I?
(LACIE walks towards the door again.)
MARY: If you’re not a completely selfish bitch, you will-
(LACIE stops and faces MARY.)
LACIE: Selfish, like you should be one to fucking talk calling ME selfish when you’re the one who wouldn’t stop HIM(pointing to DALE) from beating the shit out of me when he— MARY: Just calm down and let me explain some things to you LACIE: I guess I’ll have to just so you leave me alone. (Crosses her arms with a scowl)
(MARY sits down.)
MARY: Okay, okay. When you had your little incident- LACIE: Damn, you make it sound like I tripped and fell or something. DALE: What your ma means is that when you were arrested, we found out all of a sudden you had a son. MARY: Yeah, you don’t think it took us by surprise? You were gone for two years and we looked everywhere for you— LACIE: And so because you’re pissed off at me, you decided to get back at me by telling MY son that you are his parents. MARY: When are you going to learn the whole world doesn’t revolve around you? What we did was out of love for our grandson. Now just listen…as I was saying we looked for you everywhere. DALE: And then the cops come up to the house one day and tell us you have killed your husband and if we could take our grandson in. MARY: A grandson that needed so much out of us and we had no choice and saw ourselves raising your son. DALE: We started to see things in a new way, ya know. MARY: All we wanted for him was to grow up with a normal family… so yeah for his well being…we told him we were his parents, and you were his sister. LACIE: I can’t believe you did this! DALE: What did you expect us to do? Tell him that his real mom was in jail for killing his father. LACIE: Oh and you think I killed him for fun or something, I had to kill that asshole to save both me and Jason…you don’t fucking understand…that sick bastard had already broken my leg and when I found him trying to mess with Jason…I knew I had to do something to save him from that monster and I didn’t care if I went to jail for it. DALE: What’s done is done, there’s no turning back. You can either stay here and live under these conditions or you can leave. LACIE: I can’t fucking believe this, Mom, I expected you out of all people to understand. Don’t you understand? Everything I did, I did it for him! MARY: I do understand but …you should understand, we were left with no other choice other than to do the right thing for him. LACIE: And that’s all you have to say! DALE: Like I said before, you can either live with this or you can go. LACIE: I guess I’ll just have to—
(A basketball bounces into the kitchen and JASON enters the room skipping looking for his ball.)
JASON: Just came to get my ball…
(Picks up basketball and holds it.)
MARY: What did I tell you about playing ball in the house? JASON: I’m sorry …won’t do it again…sheesh. LACIE: Hi… JASON: You okay? LACIE: Yeah, I’m fine…I’m just a little sad. JASON: Why LACIE: I have to make a choice about something important. JASON: Why? LACIE: Because I just have to. JASON: Um…okay. (gets his ball) I got an idea… maybe if you play some b-ball with me…you might feel better. LACIE: That’s actually not a bad idea.
remorse and guilt eat him up inside thinking of everything that could have been the family he could have had if only he hadn’t allowed his fear and pride control him and make him choose safety over an unknown destiny he still wonders about
ahora recién reconoces tu error y me pides disculpas ahora recién decides enfrentar el dolor que generaste al negar la existencia de nuestro hijo ahora recién quieres desempeñar tu papel de padre después de tu desgraciada ausencia de tres años esperando que te perdone como si nada paso lo siento, pero vete de aquí– el no necesita a un infeliz en su vida que nunca pudo dar la cara por el que prefiero esconderlo y olvidarlo por tres años que quiere usarlo para limpiar su conciencia para sentirse mejor
la culpabilidad que él siente es demasiado por eso él rechaza su propia sangre el no puede enfrentar los años preciosos que el perdió y la bendición que el abandono
I wrote this poem in October of 2022 inspired by my middle son.
me and my middle child in March of 2022
Me and my teenage son fight and I regret it the next day I’ve watched too many people mourn their sons this year I’ve felt the screams of those close to me asking God why he took their babies too young Young men who will never be fathers, Young men who will never see their children grow up into rebellious and sassy teens and while I understand conflicts happens between parent and child I also know we’re both on borrowed time and I don’t want our angry words to be the last exchange between us if its his or my last day today
Happy Mother’s Day! I wrote this poem in April of last year inspired by my sons.
us in May of 2022
finding someone to love used to be a priority until love burned me one too many times besides I’ve always had 3 somebodies to love that always deserved all of my attention with them I’m never alone with them there will always be inspiration with them my love overflows at this point, it would be useless for anyone to compete with this complete kind of love
I met my first king at 17 when the nurse placed an alien like being in my arms She was like “feed him”and I was like “how do I do that?” What should I do with him? Eventually I figured it out
I met my first king at 24 as a birthday present, just like me he had to make a dramatic entrance but it was love at first sight No one could take him from my arms I knew what to do
I met my third king at 30 He was a dream delivered After a dream lost the previous year He was planned, he was awaited, he was loved He was welcome by everyone with him, I felt a completion of love
When darkness comes in and my sadness sets in it covers me and I can’t see the point of it all And then I hear a knock and it’s my son And I remember, today he’s my life’s purpose I need to get up and face another dreadful day My child needs food and shelter I can’t let my depression win I’m a mother first My darkness will have to be martyred Remembering over and over again on days like today my child’s presence makes my bad days worth living
Characters: RON- age 67 CHLOE-age 24 LANDON-age 36
Scene 1
Setting
Ron’s Apartment, there are piles of stuff everywhere, picture frames hanging on the wall. Ron is sitting on the couch chewing beef jerky watching the TV. There is a knock on the door. It is his daughter Chloe . It’s about 3 PM and Ron is still in his pajamas. Ron, disgruntled, gets up to answer the door. Chloe is carrying a bunch of groceries in her hand.
RON:( opens door) Whadda ya want? CHLOE: Oh geesh! Is that any way to greet your loving daughter ? RON: Eh, you were interrupting me doing something important. CHLOE: Sure, sure… now could you help me out wit one of of these bags before one of my arms falls off. RON: (he takes one of the bags) Eh-I don’t know why you need to buy all of this stuff. CHLOE: You mean your medicines, food, basic necessities for you to survive on. A basic ( CHLOE almost trips on a miscellaneous food wrapping) thank you would suffice. I told you to clean up some yesterday-you know the landlord— RON: Landlord, shmanlord, She always threatens the same crap. “I will throw you out if you don’t clean. All bark, no bite. The old biddy shouldn’t care about what I do in the comfort of my own home as long as I pay her rent. CHLOE: (starts to sit down-removing several car magazines) I wouldn’t be so sure of this. You know she has handed management over to her son. Do you really need all of these issues of Car and Ride magazines? RON: Bug off! Will you? Nobody asks you to come over! CHLOE: Dad (CHLOE goes to RON to put her hand on RON’s shoulder) It’s been over six months since mom died, perhaps-
RON shoos CHLOE’s hand away
RON: I don’t want to talk about it. It’s none of your damn business! CHLOE: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…it’s just— RON: Nothing. You are worrying about nothing.
There is an awkward moment of silence as RON has his back to CHLOE. CHLOE is trying to come up with something to say.
CHLOE: I guess I should go (CHLOE starts to get up tentatively) I have another errand to run. RON: Good. I wouldn’t want your old man getting in the way of you doing anything important. CHLOE: God! I just wish you wouldn’t be so… RON: So what? CHLOE: Nothing. I’ll leave you to your “important” tv watching.
CHLOE skips swiftly to the door
CHLOE: Bye dad.
RON goes back to sitting on the couch with a blank look on his face and stares at the TV.
Life on the BPD 