I want to find my way to forgiveness instead I’m covered in hate I want to find my way to kindness instead of being stuck in this cage of anger and rage I want true radical acceptance instead of being a victim to my black and white thinking I want to be full of Zen Instead of being full of insecurity I want a stable sense of identity instead of this constant confusion about who I am I want to write about happiness and joy instead of filling up my pages with petty pouts
We hold onto fragments of who we once were out of comfort, out of habit but in the end we have to learn go to let go of all the fragments in order to really grow and evolve
on hinge, I became unhinged some man child told me I should thank him for expressing his desire to fuck me within 5 minutes of talking to him I wanted to obliterate him completely cuss him out for how disrespectful he was being but instead bowed out gracefully told him, “naw, I’m made for victorian courtship” he thought I was strange for wanting something with more substance than casual sex with a guy from a dating app told me, “good luck with your AI boyfriend” and the interaction leaves me sour once again wondering if I was born in the wrong era if I’m asking for too much in asking to be respected and seen as a real person instead as a temporary toy for men to play with
the more I disconnected from motherhood and compartmentalize my life the more damage I did to myself and others taking accountability and bonding with my children is necessary for healing
I used to find it romantic and endearing how in Hollywood stories the protagonists triumphs over insurmountable obstacles to find their happy endings until I notice there’s always a third party who’s left behind a third party who’s expendable and the cost of the happy ending the protagonist are granted it makes me wretched with empathy and feel grief for them because too often, I’ve known what it’s like to be left for someone prettier, shinier, easier, MORE EXCITING and I wonder if it’s time to write stories about them the third parties left behind who didn’t make the cut in their lover’s love story
Siempre seran lo mas importante para mi-mi prioridad- nunca esperé que mi sueño de tener una familia sería una realidad inesperada pero los tres son el sol, la luna, el universo en mis ojos son mis mas dulces tesoros
Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and it was what my spirit needed to be resuscitated into feeling something Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I couldn’t wait to show mami she dedicated Hombre Pequeñito to Papi and we laugh at his expense for a minute Alfonsina Storni found me on a cold november night and I watched her 1957 bio pic with mami we stood in awe at how progressive it was for its time but at the same time understood how much progress still needed to be made for woman kind
ceo assassin come find me, I bet you’re a crazy communist who can match my bpd and bipolar energy you leave me breathless with an insatiable sexual hunger to make magic between my sheets ceo assassin come find me, let’s run away together from this capitalistic bullshit society and form our own version of utopia one where universal healthcare is a real thing, one where no one has to work 60 hour weeks to make ends meet, one where we are working to live and not living to work ceo assassin come find me, I don’t care that you’re on the most wanted list, I don’t care that they call you a murderous psychopath all I can see in front of me is divine masculinity and bravery who’s fucking tired of the trickle down economics false narrative this consumerist society conditions us to believe and i, more than other people understand you perfectly I can’t recall how many times I, too have found myself in a murderous rage wanting to turn to violence to make my working class anger heard and seen to send a message to the haves and the heathers, karens, chads, and brads of the world fuck you and your vacations, your teslas, and your brand name clothing while the rest of us have to settle for crumbs of the American Dream ceo assassin come find me, between your anger and mine combined, it could be the match that ignites an entire revolution not just against those who deny our insurance claims but also going against the 1 percent who deny us the freedom to just exist without worrying about how to make it in this consumeristic society and parasitic world without going crazy
your boundaries are clear as spring water I heard them between the gaps of silence in our texts you don’t want to encourage any attention from me or send mixed messages so instead, you don’t answer or initiate any conversations and I don’t blame you for this- After all, I am batshit crazy, I wouldn’t date me either so I will no longer bother you I’ll leave you alone respect the professional boundaries and walls you have erected Take this as another sign from the universe I’m still too damaged for another chance at love
within a span of a few minutes, I became my dad and my son became me he rolls his eyes at me as I give him practical advice on buying a car is this place reputable? think of the interest rate how many miles are on it? He loses his patience and accuses me of hovering over him and for the first time I feel empathy and compassion for my dad Understanding that this parenting gig isn’t easy and no matter how grown your kids are It’s hard to let them go and live life according to their own terms
not sure when a new muse will appear I just gave up on my most recent one I can take a hint he’s not interested he’s scared because I’m too crazy and will fuck up his life and maybe he’s right maybe I’m not healed enough, not intelligent enough maybe for him I’m just not enough and this doesn’t make me angry I’m in the acceptance phase I’ll no longer bother him I’ll just let him be I’ll just wait for a new muse to appear out of nowhere from my dreams into my real life my manifestation game is strong though sometimes my aim is off
I still smile at my phone every time I get a text from you and ugh-crush season is here again- even as I constantly say, nope, it’s over we’re better off as friends, I’ll never be enough for him So I avoid you but you appear in my dreams Sometimes we’re a thing, other times you appear in the background and I can’t even make it a week without texting you-and haha- Surprise, surprise I still like you and ew- a crush in my middle age it’s so fucking embarrassing
estaba fregada apenas me sonreíste y aunque trate de mantener mi distancia por mi historia desastrosa de amor esa sonrisa mato la cínica en mi y tenia que conocerte
Sometimes I miss our rollercoaster of toxicity even when you came back to me sober you still managed to emotionally dysregulate me and destroy me and while I’ve tried to find a replacement for you no one holds a candle to you no one brings me the level of excitement you once did everyone feels meh and blah compared to you, everyone is mediocre
Like shipwrecks in a cavern, somehow we came together putting bandaids of lust to sooth and cover our loneliness causing chaos and rejecting each other only to always come back to each other and it was entertaining for a while until we both realized it was a waste of time and energy and fled to different caverns
Life on the BPD 