I’d never say I lost time with any of my love stories- they all taught me something about myself They all inspired me to write poetry and two of them help me create my three kings even if some of my love stories left me decimated and almost destroyed me they were all worthy for the love I felt the growth and progress I had
I’m looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy A heartbeat who doesn’t call me angel or princess only calls me by my name a heartbeat who’ll fall in love with the real me and not the idea they have of me or the persona I play on social media A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos A heartbeat who accepts and understands me and never tries to change me
me and my family have immigration jokes for day on end and some of my friends think that’s sick and awful but its one of the only things that helps me and my family keep our sanity in Trump’s American is making fun of our misery and misfortune
it’s how we’ve survived generations of corrupt governments and wannabe dictators its how we’ve passed resilience and strength to future generations
sure, we may cry at first as the life we’ve worked hard for starts falling apart and our plans for the future are shattered because of a few megarich and corrupt maga idiots who run our government but right after we wipe our tears and break out in jokes and laughter especially now that what’s supposed to be the land of the free gets more and more fascist and we swim closer and closer to nazi waters the only thing we can do is try to find a way to smile, to laugh, to find a bit of joy no matter how fucked up in may seem in this dystopian clusterfuck
Don’t fall in love with me he said to me right after he got off from me he wanted to make sure I didn’t get the wrong idea So he dotted his I’s and T’s of casual fucking And I didn’t go into a love hysteria But it was already too late My intense emotions couldn’t wait “I love him, he’s my love king” I was already thinking the truth is No one can control a borderline’s mind And it’s not his fault of mine that I catch feelings easily even when you use me sexually It won’t matter what you say My mind won’t be swayed
I wrote this in January of 2022 when I was depressed.
honestly
I welcome death to take me away tonight- death must be better than the anger that has made an eternal home in me death must feel better than this emptiness that lies in my heart death has to be better than this sorrow that floods my pillow with tears continuously death would be better than my emotions that threaten to consume me
She’s an American I’m an immigrant She loves Trump I’m a borderline socialist She believes in money and brand names I believe in love and poetry Born from the same womb But living in different worlds She’s upper middle class I’m working class She’s latina when it suits her I’m latina every single day She’s the definition of assimilation I get called out by HR for being too Peruvian She’s the American Dream And I’m the immigrant
so American, I walk around with ketchup on my face
el tio Julio always spoke English to us, the kids didn’t matter who we were with or where we were I think he was an advocate of assimilation at an early age I think he wanted all of us to have a fighting chance in our adopted homeland perhaps this was an act of kindness on his part he knew that in order to survive in the USA we had to leave behind the part that made us seen as a foreigner and become as American as possible
my uncle’s death has awakened something in me and while I think he was mostly good and don’t judge him I’m sad he didn’t live his life authentically I’m sad he couldn’t bring himself to leave his loveless marriage I’m sad he hurt his second wife by cheating on her with the first I’m sad that for more than half a century he was deeply in love with a woman he could never have I wonder what would have happened if my uncle made it to therapy and tamed his demons I wonder if eventually he could’ve found some happiness and love in his life or perhaps I’m wrong and he was content with the mess he was inside
under a tequila sunrise in L.A,he breaks apart once again she committed the ultimate act of treason against him and he couldn’t forgive her again this time he couldn’t put a bandaid of his love to make it all better this time he had a son to think about this time his family would disown him if he stayed with her so he packed up her stuff, put the boxes and suitcases of her belongings outside changed the locks and filed for divorce even as he broke inside, he held all of his emotions in and even though he considered her the grand love of his life he had to cut all ties with her this time she hadn’t just broken law of not just decency and morality with her actions this time her horrid actions made her beyond redemption this time she had gone too far
winter comes with the iciest winds and everything inside me freezes and I fawn is this what they call seasonal depression yet it’s much more than that it’s a “what’s the point” status it’s a “I’m looking forward for this day to be over as soon as I wake up”- my bed becomes my church, my family, my community where I find comfort in not thinking, in ignoring the noise of the world winter comes with the iciest winds and it’s hard to function but yet I do and I feel like a fictional character playing my part in a society fueled by greed and capitalism
They’re typically blond and white and think they’re entitled to every fucking thing they always want to speak to the manager their names sound like Karen and Susan they’ll pretend to have loads of empathy when what they really have is tons of judgment they’ll hide behind a pseudo wokeness when underneath they’re racist as fuck they complain about the unfairness of their lives when their lives are the definition of privilege and luxury they’ll shove their higher education in your face when their ignorance shows in their actions they supposedly live, laugh, and love when they really hate, judge, and shame their names sound like karen and Susan
I wrote this in January of 2022. I was mad about everything. Lol.
Them haters are just projecting their insecurities
Judgment feels like harsh criticism dressed up in “good intentions” “you have a college degree, you should be doing better” or “I’ll respect you when you drive”-thank you for the support sister Ignorance taste like harsh criticism dressed up “in good intentions” “I’m saying this out of love, you should be like other latinos and work and don’t go to college” -thanks for the encouragement coworker Judgment feels like impossible standards I can never measure up to it’s an ocean of emotional abuse dressed up as “good intentions” by calling out my insecurities and pointing out how I’m not enough
when I’m in mourning, I want to do crazy things like dye my hair blonde, cut my bangs, adopt a new identity anything to escape the grief that wants to set in