so this was written about a former muse.lol.
I love you like the alcoholic loves alcohol
I can’t live without you
And have a deep never ending desire for you
when the sun rises you’re my first thought
and before I fall asleep, you’re my last thought
I don’t know if you’ll ever reciprocate
but for now I’m content with seeing you almost
Daily-admiring you from afar
8/31/22
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.
I look to the cards for reassurance things will turn out alright
that I am doing all of the important things to light the flame to a bright future
that my past is now behind me and I will no longer be chained to it
that I’ll fully live in my present
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.
I’m healing and unraveling at the same time
I’m unraveling the parts of me that no longer fit
in my new narrative
I’m unraveling the ugliness, my vengeful spirit
full of spite and jealousy
talking to it, deconstructing it
cause to live with so much anger and resentment
in my heart is draining
and leaves no room for lovely and hopeful beginnings
Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.
1. I got a good night’s sleep and feel recharged
2. Put on music on Alexa and dance my way to the bathroom to get ready
3. Coffee and breakfast include bacon, over easy eggs
4. Writing, writing, writing while listening to my playlist
5. Reading time
6. Fun time with my boys
7. Writing, writing, writing
8. Tacos for lunch , maybe friend time
9. Writing, Writing , writing
10. A mindless show on Netflix
11. Steak dinner with wine
12. Reading time
13. My head hits the pillow, and I fall asleep immediately
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: My Son Throws His Blocks
otro berrinche y casi pierdo la paciencia
le podría amenazar con la chancla
pero le dejo hacer sus desmadres
tengo que entender que todavía está chiquito
y no tiene otra manera de expresarse
es mejor no repetir la misma historia de trauma
y por el bienestar de él
me armo de amor y compasión
y dejo que sacude su ira hasta que se canse
y se quede dormido
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.
I’m so fucking triggered-I can’t see past my tears
when the fuck does this healing journey end
Because this constant confrontation with trauma
leaves me drained and constantly causes chaos
and devastation within me
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
So my time is limited because of my crazy working hours, but something that keeps getting pushed to the back burner are my taxes from last year. I freaked out last year because haha I have to pay back an obscene amount ( welcome to middle class status in America), so I basically ignored them, and now here I am in a new tax year but now filing in a different status cause of my divorce. The good thing is that my oldest just got his A.A in accounting so he’ll do them for me this month or next. I’m good with the turbo tax software, but my situation feels like beyond my comprehension, so I’ll let an expert do it. Something I also need to do is spend more time with my 2 youngest sons. It is hard because my youngest likes to spend more time with his friends, and my other son has particular interests, which include discussing the state of world affairs and watching depressing foreign films. But yeah, I need to work on my relationship with both of them. I even suggested playing fortnight with my youngest, but he told me it was cringe and I’m too old. Lol. I hope this time next month, I’m done with my taxes and find ways to bond my sons.
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Young and Dumb
no saber mi valor me costo-
mi inocencia, mis valores, mi cuerpo
pense que era un precio mínimo
para sentirme amada y bella
fue un cuento falso que yo creí
Por falta de autoestima, por no amarme lo suficiente
y aunque perdonó esa version de mi que era impulsiva
y vivió un vida lleno de peligro
a veces me pregunto
como seria mi vida si hubiese sido diferente
i wrote this poem in February of 2023.
life is smiling on me once again after a rough start to the new year-
I find myself almost open to new love
and everything’s inspiring me
and my King Joe is back on the screen
and now I got more money on the horizon
I’m feeling this state of euphoria by celebrating each blessing
and looking forward to new and exciting things
new creative endeavors, another trip to my homeland
and maybe even a new muse
It’s February and I feel myself glowing and growing
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Despicable
de palabras a hechos tu no sabes como hacerlo
para ti es más cómodo sentarse esperando
que siempre yo tome toda la iniciativa para mejorarnos
estoy cansada, estoy harta de siempre haciendo todo
mientras tu haces nada-
busco maneras para escapar la baraja cruel
que la vida me mandó
al escoger una pareja que está atado
y cómodo con su miseria
Life on the BPD 