This was my response to prompt #25:A thing your life has in excess
I lie to myself about my lack of love
The truth is that love is everywhere to be found
My mom who calls to check in on me
My tia who sends me Buenos Días videos
My coworkers who put up with my many moods
My kids who tell me “I got you ma” when I can’t
figure out the latest household gadget
My friends who listen to me without judgment
Love is everywhere I am and it’s time for me
to radically accept it
Here is the English Version of this poem:
Poetry: How I Wish
Si los deseos si cumplierian
Hubiese deseado que fueras diferente
Alguien de confianza, alguien leal
Alguien que tenía ojos solo para mi
En cambio eras otro payaso
con su corona de mentiras
que mandó espinas a mi corazón
y me destruyó
Easy E,Tupac, and Dr.Dre calmed me down
when I was lost amidst a nervous breakdown
I couldn’t remember who the fuck I was
or where I came from
then I blasted some Gangsta Rap in my ear
and remembered who the fuck I was
I’m a Queen from the land of the Incas
raised in West L.A and Paradise
I’m made to withstand earthquakes and hurricanes
even when they come disguised as humans
that’s when I turned my grief into anger and rage
and knew I wouldn’t be “just okay”
I would make this my greatest comeback in my life story
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2021.
La navidad se escucha con los parchis
cantando navidad, navidad
navidad se ve como el árbol lleno de muchos adornos
coleccionados hace más de 30 años
el nacimiento cusqueño con las estatuas
de la virgen, josé y el bebe jesús cristo
que tienen más de 33 años
navidad se saborea con un polla peruano sazonado
con especies únicas
con un chocolate y panettone siempre en la mesa
navidad se siente con la felicidad pasando tiempo
con tus seres más queridos
que te llenan con amor y calor familiar
la navidad se huele en el perfume imari de Mami
La navidad siempre será una de las tradiciones
más bonitas e amorosas en mi familia
Escribí este poema en Diciembre del 2021.
Soy la sangre de mis antepasados
Colonizadores e indígenas
y pues por estoy llena
de una ambigüedad
de moralidad
Y pues por eso tengo
la tez blanca con cabello negro y crespo
Soy la sangre de mis abuelos y abuelas
y pues por eso estoy
llena de frialdad
y tambien tengo
un calor único
Soy la sangre mis padres
Y por eso soy
débil y fuerte
Y callada con mal genio
I wrote this in December 2021.
Believing in myself feels like an act of rebellion
after years of self loathing and self destruction
I finally feel enough and complete
Is this some kind of dream?
Do I really love myself?
Do I really accept myself?
Do I really care about myself?
I do and I do and I do
I’m ready to live out my truth
I’m complicated and complex
and not terrible or a hot mess
I’ve been forever misjudged
and thought I was too much
The reality of my authenticity
Brings out a new transparency
I was never too much or not enough
or even the hardest to love
I might be a complicated puzzle to solve
But I’m always, always, worthy of love
This was my response to prompt #27: A book you want to read
Will “The Body Keep Score” give me the answers I need
as to why my body still feels past trauma
and why I still have nightmares about people and places
who has caused me harm?
or how when a trauma anniversary comes up
like the day I lost my baby or the day I lost my mind
my body feels extra heavy and my fists are clenched all day
Will I finally understand my body can still feel the pain of trauma
months and even years later when something catastrophic happens to me?
This was my response to prompt #7:Your Favorite Recipe
4 cups of milk, two sticks of cinnamon
2 chocolate bars from Cuzco,
a unhealthy and gluttonous amount of sugar
I“ll bring it all to a boil with all the love in my heart
to make Peruvian hot chocolate for my boys
I wrote this in December of 2021.
I was never the marrying kind
Don’t know why I forced myself into that line
Maybe because of society’s expectations
I made marriage my destination
But it wasn’t really who I ever was
Forever is not meant to be in my book of love
But still I tried for seven years
And by year 7, I ran into my biggest fear
I felt trapped in a cage of my own making
Happiness, contentment, and authenticity I was faking
But it was never truly me
Living this suburban reality
And one day I wanted to sleep forever
My mind collapsed from society’s pressure
to continue this facade of being the perfect wife
With my perfectly imperfect life
My authenticity I had to put aside
I’m a wife and mother of three
There’s no such thing as being free
But these were the lies I told myself
The critic in me I learned to quell
I learned I could be a mother but not a wife
My husband took our relationship’s demise in stride
There would no more anniversaries
We were done with self imposed forgeries
And a new chapter started with us
One full of laughter, friendship and familial love
This is my response to prompt #11: A goal you reached
Getting rid off my self imposed chains of insecurity and doubt
I no longer give any fucks-I no longer hold back
I announce my arrival when I drive, when I make love, and when I blog
I’m liberated from the chaos I used to cause
and have accepted sometimes an attention whore or an introvert
and it’s okay to swing between both
as long as I honor my truth and know my worth
Aqui esta en enlace para la version en Espanol:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/11/22/poesia-dime/
Why did you break our romantic ties?
What did she have to make you leave me suddenly?
Why do I keep repeating the same stupid story,
of finding myself the woman used and scorned?
I’m fucking exhausted with rage
always making the same mistake over and over again
giving all of my myself to another confused man
who leaves me when I’m no longer easy
This is my response to prompt #14: What did you think you’d be when you grew up
When I imagined my happily ever after-
it never looked like my current reality
a mother of 3 with 2 jobs, on the brink of divorce,
with 5 mental health diagnosis
and yet, I stand here with contentment in my heart
and appreciation for the life I’m living
I may not have grown up to live the life I envisioned
but I’m still proud of who I’ve become
In honor of Taylor Swift’s Birthday, I decided to share my favorite Taylor Swift songs! I didn’t become a Swiftie until last winter when Red (Taylor’s Version) came out. Maybe it was because it was such an emotional time for me but I cried when I watched the “All Too Well” video the first time and the second time when I made my three kids watch the video with me. My youngest son unwittingly knows the lyrics to “Anti-Hero” and “Karma” because some days, I blast Swift from Alexa and my record player. I don’t think you get the full Swiftie experience unless you listen to her on vinyl. Also, in November, I spontaneously found myself at a Taylor Swift Dance Party and it was beyond amazing. I’ve included a short clip of it at the bottom. Anyways, this playlist includes what I consider the best of her work and music that’s gotten me through some of my toughest times or has uplifted me in some way. I hope y’all enjoy it:
Anti-Hero
Blank Space
Begin Again
All Too Well (The 10 Minute Version)
Karma
Enchanted
My Tears Ricochet
Death By a Thousand Cuts
Dress
Vigilante Shit
Right Where You Left Me
Delicate
Better Than Revenge
The Lakes
Afterglow
The 1
Long Story Short
Mastermind
Closure
Maroon
The Way I Loved You
This Love
Call It What You Want
Champagne Problems
I Bet You Think About Me
Hoax
Midnight Rain
Back to December
Clean
Mad Woman
This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
Style
Bejeweled
Below is a link to my Taylor Swift spotify playlist for your listening pleasure:
Below is a short video I made of the Taylor Swift Party I went to in November, it was so much fun! I love how I’m just exuding happiness and joy in this video, it’s a complete turnaround from who I was last year:
Thanks to Taylor Swift, I have these cringy videos to look back on and laugh about:
I wrote this in December of 2021.
Patience eludes me
I want to run and jump
to the next chapter of my life
the chapter where I’m the victor
and not the victim
the chapter where I’m a winner
and not a failure
but I need to appreciate the journey
and accept that the bumps along the way
Help me savor the next chapter
full of victories and maybe even love
Patience is a necessary virtue
for the growth and progress
necessary for the next chapter
