My future is a sky blue and full of potential Now that Iβve walked away from anyone or anything that limited me Iβve let go of any grief I held within Iβve embrace my crazy and now let it out creatively Is this the beginning of a new me? Am I finally the person I was always meant to be?
You were another mistake made another one Iβm throwing in the land of the forgotten another one who couldnβt appreciate the rare and precious gem that I am another one whoβll inspire poetry about how my heart broke once again by trusting the wrong man
I used to live in a world full of regret, sorrow, and resentment until I no longer wanted to live in misery so I let go of everything and everyone that didnβt serve me and held onto everything and everyone who helped me grow and now Iβve blossomed with love, with purpose and for once Iβm full of happiness, calm, and serenity And I finally feel free to love my life, to love who Iβve become
Morning rain makes me want to lay longer in bed and listen to music and cry cry about everything that could have been but instead I get up and start my day even try to get excited about it because if I give in to my depression for even one day my inner critic wins
I cloak myself in compassion and empathy with family and friends but when it comes to myself- I criticize and judge and tell myself Iβm not worth it But itβs time to turn this narrative around Iβm done, done, done with being a self-loathing clown and using self-deprecating humor doesnβt help me it hinders my creativity and stops me from unlocking the potential within
por el bien estar de nuestro hijo tenemos que olvidar todo lo que alguna vez fuimos tu tienes que asumir tu responsabilidad y yo tengo que dejar el pasado en paz hay que empezar de nuevo y declarar una tregua Hay que perdonarnos y convertirnos en los padres que el merece que seamos
love is a magnet for my insanity love is a magnet for feeling worthless love is magnet for everything wrong in me so I locked the door to my heart with a padlock and threw away the key I canβt trust myself again to risk my vulnerability
I talk to God all the time- when I sleep, when I wake up when I work, when I write when I run I thank him for the wonderful life heβs bestowed on me I ask him for grace when Iβm petty and angry I tell him his love makes me want to become a better mother A better daughter, a better friend, a better me because throughout my worst and most selfish moments Heβs given me signs of his love with the people in my life with the joy and happiness I find with the light he shines on me in my darkest moments
This is a poem I wrote in July. I was angry when I wrote it. Lol.
me on the 4th of July with my kiddo
celebrating a country that rips babies apart from their parents and takes away rights from the marginalized and makes anyone whoβs not white and christian feel unwelcome feels like the cruelest irony itβs celebrating genocide, racism, prejudice, xenophobia, and white supremacy itβs celebrating everything atrocious and wrong about this country it almost feels like a personal violation of my beliefs to celebrate the hypocrisy of this country founded on genocide and slavery who claims liberty and justice for all but βallβ is really white, christian and male so Iβm passing on this yearβs 4th of July celebrations because except for a small portion of Americans no one can claim true freedom or independence in this American Land
The cure for a broken soul is finding love and validation within yourself Itβs finding beauty in the ordinary Itβs finding joy in the mundane moments of life The cure for a broken soul is finding faith and hope in the most trying of times and accepting the darkness within you is temporary and not everything deserves your energy The cure for a broken soul is acceptance and love from the universe, the source and God
2012/2023 -Don’t let the world dim your spark kiddo
I wish I could live forever in this bliss a bliss where youβre still innocent a bliss where I keep you sheltered from this savage world but youβre growing up fast and I canβt keep you my little boy forever and the inevitable first heartbreaks and disappointments will happen- and while Iβll always be there to catch you after, and remind you of my motherβs love I also hope and pray to God youβre strong enough, youβre resilient enough, youβre brave enough to face whatever challenge and obstacle comes your way and I hope youβre full of compassion and kindness and donβt allow the cruelty of the world to ever dim your spark
Iβm making amends with lovers and friends whoβve hurt me holding this much resentment in feels heavy And Iβm tired of being a slave to past grudges it feels like an eternal emotional blockage So Iβm filled with empathy and forgiveness For those whoβve made me feel worthless Because enough is really enough and Iβm tired of being fueled by hate I wanna now be fueled by love
The volcano that lived inside of me is ready to erupt and about to ruin everything my explosive anger cannot be reigned in this intensity is a consequence of my BPD and it will cause my lover to flee the lava of me will make him wary and once again, Iβm left in the desolate land of lonely wishing away the volcano inside of me