I wrote this poem in December of 2023.
abandonment wounds run deep in my bloodline
I’ve lost count of how many woman in my family
whose lovers absconded, who’s lovers left them
for their own version of Heather-
maybe this explains my epic overreaction every time a lover absconded
their departure triggers trauma in my DNA
from the abandoned women ancestors before me
I wrote this poem in November of 2023.
I had to give up a lot of fun things in my life
to get to integration
an alcohol dependency, a shopping addiction,
Relationships and sex-
and the last thing was energy drinks
This was all for me to become the mom my kids
always deserved
it was needed for me to meet my higher self
who makes decisions with compassion and love
Instead of out of ego
It was needed for me to start living
in the most authentic way possible
and while I could dwell on all
of the fun things I lost
I now look at it as a blessing needed for clarity
and to make space for this new version of me
who no longer hides her jagged edges
for the comfort of others
Who loves who she is and no longer
Wants to be anyone else
Who finds peace in solitude
and is no longer scared of it
my integration of self costs me many things
I was addicted to
but it was worth it for the woman I am today
for the beautiful life I’m currently living
I wrote this poem in October of 2023.
I’m starting to radically accept someone like me
will always be judged differently from my peers
it doesn’t matter how many degrees I have-
how much I code switch to fit in-
it will never be enough to be truly accepted
so I’ll smile and nod while they complain
about ivory tower problems
while I roll my eyes inside my mind-
man, I really wish I had your problems Susan
but I got to go to my second job now
I wrote this poem in October of 2023.
I was in distress the other night
but I wasn’t the damsel who needed to be saved
I was a friend who needed a friend
and maybe I was expecting too much
but you could have done better
than some two word awkward text
as I was breaking down in the diner
I wrote this poem in September of 2022.
and the roses never wilted,
they just transformed into flowers
never seen before
for a while it looked like they were dying
as they slowly turned gray and then black
but then they bloomed into something different,
a unique kind of beautiful
I wrote this poem in September of 2022.
gratitude taste like mami’s sopa de pollo
gratitude smells like my lover’s cologne
gratitude feels like a warm hug from my son
gratitude sounds like my sister’s car in my driveway
gratitude looks like me looking at the Goddess in the mirror
by Julia Mitchell
Photo via Pixabay
Moving to a new home is a big change for anyone, and it can create quite a bit of stress and anxiety before, during, and after you’re settled in. There’s so much to think about, and if you have children, their thoughts and feelings on the changes are important to consider too. And while this can be a difficult time for the family as they adjust to the new home, it can actually be a good time for you to learn new, positive habits and break free of any unhealthy choices you’ve made in the past.
Moving to a new place is like starting over fresh. Instead of letting that stress get to you, think of all the ways you can improve upon your life and living situation and put them into action. From Life on the BPD, here are some of the best ways to do just that.
Declutter
After you’ve lived in a home for a little while, you begin to accumulate quite a few belongings. Go through your home well before the move and declutter. Throw away anything you haven’t used in a while that can’t be salvaged, donate old clothing, shoes, and toys, and mark things that don’t get used but have value to be put in storage. When you get to your new home, you’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted because you won’t have to find room for things you don’t need.
Clean up
Moving to a new home is a great excuse to make positive changes in how you keep your house. Having a place to come to after a long day at work that exudes calm, cleanliness, and tranquility can help reduce your stress levels and prevent anxiety from creeping in. It’s also just plain good for your physical health to have a home that is dust-free and well-organized, and it can help boost your energy levels when you’re not constantly battling a cluttered home. This is a great time to get the entire family involved in keeping things neat and clean; make it a point to let them know that after the move, everyone will need to take responsibility for their messes and keep the new house looking nice.
Pursue education goals
A move is the perfect time to reassess and reestablish your educational goals, giving you a fresh start in more ways than one. If you’ve been considering a career change, this is the ideal moment to pursue a computer science degree online, which offers the flexibility to study while you settle into your new home. Earning a computer science degree online can open doors to exciting opportunities in the tech industry, providing you with the skills needed for a thriving career. Use this transition as a chance to align your education with your future ambitions.
Get rid of toxic people
A move represents a fresh start, and that includes getting rid of the people in your life who don’t support you or who create a toxic environment. This is an opportunity to surround yourself with positive influences and to cultivate relationships that uplift and inspire you. It’s important for your health — both emotional and mental — to have control over your relationships, so take a good long look at the people in your life and ask yourself if they are truly a friend. Prioritizing those who genuinely care for your well-being will make your new beginning even more fulfilling.
Get healthy
What’s a fresh start if not a reason to focus on your health? If you’ve already got the mental and emotional sides covered, take a look at your physical health and ask yourself if you could do better. Making a move can be exhausting in more ways than one, so it’s important to find ways to burn off that stress and fatigue. Get familiar with any bike trails, public pools, or gyms you might be interested in and make note of them, so that when you’re feeling low you can give yourself a boost with a good workout; or you can look for ways to get in exercise that don’t feel like exercise.
Remember that a move can be hard on little ones, so get them involved in your campaign to spruce up and put a positive spin on things. Get them excited for this next chapter by framing it as an adventure, and try to be patient when they express their worries about it.
I wrote this poem in July of 2023.
a text from an unknown number reminded me of my past
when I was sick with a love addiction
when I gave in to my impulsivity
when I gave my energy freely to anyone
who paid attention to me
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
As I let go of my self limiting beliefs,
I grieve the woman I used to be
so insecure and unsure of herself
so hesitant to take control and power
Overthinking and catastrophizing constantly
it held me back from living the life of my dreams-
Jealousy and envy filled me up
Scrolling the professional and personal successes
of others on social media
Thinking, “that could have been me”
and giving too much importance to the opinions of others
wondering constantly-
“are they judging me?”
It was a toxic story I told myself since the age of 16
and it continued on and on until one day in my middle age
I exploded and decided to fight my inner critic
and challenge everything I thought was wrong with me
slowly, I learned to turn my story around
Slowly, I went from victim to heroine
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
my fingers tingle and almost grew numb
as I gripped the wire
and the tightrope shook
I wanted to give up
it would have been so easy
but something in me didn’t allow me to
terrified I took the slowest step forward
radically accepting in that moment
I will never be a quitter
I wrote this poem in June of 2022.
I’ve walked through the warzone of my love life long enough to know
when a bomb is about to explode (when I fall of some guy’s dream girl altar)
It’s a minefield full of suppressed feelings
consequences of accommodating to a man’s ego
And I’ll tread ever so carefully
I don’t want to be alone, I just want to be loved,
I’ll bend and bend until you call me Gumby
Except I’m not and then I’ll snap and another bomb will go off
“You’re crazy,” you’re dangerous” “ I don’t recognize you”
all for expressing my feelings and wanting respect and dignity
I wrote this poem in June of 2023.
you’re my small town I’ve outgrown but am afraid to leave
no one seems to understand this
they’re concerned you’re holding me back
they’re concerned staying with you stiffens my dreams
and while I know they want what’s best for me
and I agree with most of what they say
How do I explain to them, it’s more complicated
than I’ve made it out to be
while you are hard to live with
life without you feels almost empty
and while it’s the right thing to do to end our marriage
so we can move forward as a family
it’s still hard to imagine a beginning without you
I wrote this poem in June of 2020.
He reached the depths of her soul
With his hands and his lips
She couldn’t get enough
of this new feeling
of this newfound intimacy
Then
He threw her to the depths
of misery and devastation
when he disposed of her
at his convenience
She never wanted
this hell of darkness
within her that seemed
Neverending
He was the best-
and
He was the worst –
At loving her
He inspired love
He inspired hate
and no matter what
She couldn’t get away
from him
aqui esta versión en Español:
poesía: loba
I’m a lone brunette wolf in a world full of blonde sheep
my exes always preferred blondes over me
I never knew exactly why
perhaps blondes really do have more fun
perhaps blondes are easier to manipulate
this used to bother me greatly,
even robbed me of my sanity and sleep
but eventually I had a great epiphany
the one meant for me will not just love how sweet I can be
He’ll also love and encourage the savage in me
he’ll know how to ride the turbulent waves of my mood swings
I’m not sure if I’ll meet him soon or if he even exists
but after this grand epiphany
I no longer care about my exes and their blonde sheep
In fact, I wish them all the best fairytale ending
Life on the BPD 