poetry: mason

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

oh Mason

Mason like the jar was his name
being a fuckboy was his game
He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years
But he was still wet behind his ears
He thought he could deceive me
and lies and lies and lies he told me
told me he lived with a roommate
when it was really his soul mate
He wanted his ice cream and cake
but I saw through his con game
And right away I stopped our lust filled affair
My respect I needed to firmly declare

poetry: nobody knew

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Let's love ourselves first
We should love ourselves first

Nobody knew about our sexcapade
You were a temporary escape
From the emptiness and loneliness
I felt in my suburban adolescence

Nobody knew about me and you
Until I could no longer hide
the living creature inside

Nobody knew about me and you
Until my belly grew and grew
And half of it was you

Nobody knew about our short fling
Until one day I had to sing
I’m pregnant with a stranger’s baby
No,he’ll never be the one or even a maybe

poesía: nunca

escribí poema en enero del 2025.

aceptando ESTA realidad fue dura

nunca será la mujer de tu vida y me toca aceptar esta realidad
que alguien como tu siempre me mirara como alguien común
y nunca pensarás que quizás soy algo más que una mujer bella
nunca notaras que soy el fuego de inspiración que puede ser tu musa

poetry: getting to reality

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

self love is sexy

I fall in love easily
Reckless without abandon
Wanting to give him
My everything
This is my fairytale
I am sixteen

I fall in love with caution,
with time, with patience
with acceptance
Wanting to give him
My forever
This is my fairytale
I am 23

I fall in love immediately
Impulsively, sexually
Wanting to give him a love
he’s never known before
This is my fairy tale
I am 37

I fall in love with laughter,
With dancing, with practicality
I want to give him my life
This is my fairytale
I am 39

I fall in love with my body
With my creativity, with my resilience
I want to pour all the love I have
Into myself
I am 40
This is my reality

poetry: he’s praying for me

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Quote about self love
Choosing yourself is self love

My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him
Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore
to an I’m healing and deserve better “Woman
Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman
I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me
but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun”
are long gone
Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection
and most importantly self love
So I put away my sexy vixen persona
And I put on my ” “I’m authentic without apologies persona”
I’ve stopped living to please others
and now live to please myself

Poetry: Sanity

I wrote this poem in January of 2018 .

me in 2018 around the time I wrote this poem

I’m disappointed once again -being here with you
You represent everything I thought I wanted
But-
You don’t compare to him
You make my body sing with pleasure
but don’t sweep up the mess that I am
You are there to help me escape
but never to rescue me
SO I choose him
Who chooses to be there for me
When I chase death in a bathtub or a bottle
Because while sex and lust feels good
when it’s happening
It doesn’t compare to the love
and support he’s provided in keeping me alive
So I say goodbye to a life
Full of lust filled fantasies
and accept the one and only who truly
cares for me

Poetry: Death

I wrote this in January of 2022 when I was depressed.

honestly

I welcome death to take me away tonight-
death must be better than the anger
that has made an eternal home in me
death must feel better than this emptiness
that lies in my heart
death has to be better than this sorrow
that floods my pillow with tears continuously
death would be better than my emotions
that threaten to consume me

poetry: even

I wrote this poem in 2021.

Even after she’s destroyed
she goes to work the next day
plasters a fake smile on her face

Even after she’s devastated
she gathers the pieces of her heart
and reluctantly shows up
where she’s needed

Even after she’s knocked down
she gets up cloaked in strength
and continues to move forward
with a brand new determination

poetry: mess

I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

my uncle’s death has awakened something in me
and while I think he was mostly good and don’t judge him
I’m sad he didn’t live his life authentically
I’m sad he couldn’t bring himself to leave his loveless marriage
I’m sad he hurt his second wife by cheating on her with the first
I’m sad that for more than half a century he was deeply in love
with a woman he could never have
I wonder what would have happened if my uncle made it to therapy
and tamed his demons
I wonder if eventually he could’ve found some happiness and love
in his life or perhaps I’m wrong
and he was content with the mess he was inside

poetry: confusion

I wrote this poem in January of 2021.

so true

I live in a constant world of confusion
Confused about who I am-
Confused about who I should be-

I live in a strange world of confusion
Confused about how I feel
Confused about how I should feel

I live in a crazy world of confusion
Confused about who I love
Confused about who I should love

I live in a chaotic world of confusion
Constantly and pathetically confused about who is the real me

poetry: Karen and Susan

I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Disappointed
Disappointed

They’re typically blond and white
and think they’re entitled to every fucking thing
they always want to speak to the manager
their names sound like Karen and Susan
they’ll pretend to have loads of empathy
when what they really have is tons of judgment
they’ll hide behind a pseudo wokeness
when underneath they’re racist as fuck
they complain about the unfairness of their lives
when their lives are the definition of privilege and luxury
they’ll shove their higher education in your face
when their ignorance shows in their actions
they supposedly live, laugh, and love
when they really hate, judge, and shame
their names sound like karen and Susan

Poetry: I Scoff at Your Good Intentions

I wrote this in January of 2022. I was mad about everything. Lol.

Judgment feels like harsh criticism dressed up in “good intentions”
“you have a college degree, you should be doing better”
or “I’ll respect you when you drive”-thank you for the support sister
Ignorance taste like harsh criticism dressed up “in good intentions”
“I’m saying this out of love, you should be like other latinos
and work and don’t go to college” -thanks for the encouragement coworker
Judgment feels like impossible standards I can never measure up to
it’s an ocean of emotional abuse dressed up as “good intentions”
by calling out my insecurities and pointing out how I’m not enough