Here’s the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/27/poetry-she-stopped-waiting/
me dejaste sin advertencia
me entumeci a tu memoria
fuistes otro capitulo
que nunca más quiero abrir
y ahora me llamas
con mil disculpas y remordimientos
Y a mi no me importa
no soy la misma chica que tu conociste
no soy la ingenua que tu enamoraste
con mentiras
ahora conozco mi valor y mi magia
y no me menospreciare para dejarte
regresar a mi vida
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
someday everything won’t feel so heavy
someday I won’t swim in anxiety
someday I’ll find self love
Someday I’ll be enough
Someday, someday, someday
Maybe someday is today
today I see the light
today I’m grateful for my life
today I feel like enough
Today I have self love
Maybe just maybe
Today I’m truly happy
Here is the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/25/poetry-looking-forward/
sentandome en nuestra felicidad de recién casados,
le doy las gracias a Dios por tanta felicidad
vendrá muchos recuerdos que haremos de nuestra vida compartida
criando a nuestros hijos desde bebitos a adolescentes angustiados
discusiones triviales, responsabilidades, y facturas de la casa
y un día le contaremos a nuestros nietos nuestro cuento de amor
nos pelearemos de quien inició nuestra relación (fui yo)
hoy dia, soy la mujer más feliz en el mundo
en convirtiéndome en tu esposa
I wrote this on Valentine’s Day of 2022.
I fucked many recklessly without a purpose
some part of me was looking for love
it was a temporary cure when I wanted to avoid emptiness
it was a temporary cure for my painful loneliness
so I used the the magic of my body
to feel like somebody, like I was worthy
But one day I got tired of how it wasn’t enough
and found my worth and self love
I mean, sure it was fun but I’m done, done and done
I forgive the person I once was who mistook lust for love
I didn’t know any better and settled for prince charmings
when I really needed a king to match my love energy
A king who accepts all of me and not just her body
A king who wants to evolve and grow with me
Do you need a break? From what?
I need to take a breaking from thinking about you
you’ve been on my mind lately and it’s annoying
and it feels so damn foolish
but what can I do when my heart won’t understand logic
I hope this is just a phase
I’m enjoying our newfound friendship
anything more would ruin it
Here is the English version of the poem that inspired this one:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/21/poetry-thanks-to-you/
el hielo de tu despedida me destruyo
eras otra leccion que aprendi, otro hombre que me quemo
Y después de 4 años quieres pedir disculpas
disminuyendo todo lo que pasó
como si fuera un accidente menor
como si no me arruinaste la vida
como si no me trataste como basura
Querido, es demasiado tarde para tus remordimientos
dile a tu conciencia que se calle
solita, me encargue del desmadre que dejaste
Y nosotros hemos sobrevivido sin it
Entonces, vete, vete, vete
Nunca más regreses aquí
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
I wish for sleep to take me away to a dreamless land
but I’ll take unpleasant dreams about ghosts from my past
just so my body can get a full night’s rest
But sleep evades me,it runs away from me
like a lover who lures me with a taste of love
only to abandon me on a whim
and I try and try and try to shut down my mind
but tonight an emotional triggers hit me and trauma visits me
My body and mind remembers the adrenaline rush
of emotional and physical wounds and it scares sleep off
I wonder what to do next and get angry at my traitorous body
but I remember-trauma is complex and while most of it has been processed
There are still remnants that come out to be seen, to be addressed
And I end up here with the nightmare of insomnia that won’t let me rest
And while it’s scary I remember it’s also temporary
eventually my body has to give in and I’ll fall asleep
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/11/hey-%f0%9f%91%8b-married-man/
Mi corazón se rehúsa a dejarte
no importa que duro lo intento
no importa con quien estoy para escapar
los pensamientos de ti
es inmoral que te ame
pero mi corazón es demasiado salvaje
para escuchar logica y razon
te quiere a ti y solo a ti
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
I’m constantly shunned from men who profess their love
when I show up feral and without a filter
They’ll call me their princess until I show them my wild
They always love me beautiful and submissive
and they leave when I get assertive and subversive
They feel deceived when they fall for a polite princess
And somehow end up with an amazon Queen
Maybe it’s the Incan in me who can’t reign it in
They say, “you’re too much, you’re too crazy”
Is there a man out there who can handle my duality?
Here is the English Version that inspired this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/20/poetry-not-that-woman/
Sola, ella realiza su potencial
Sola, ella conoce su poder
Sola, ella entiende que siempre fue suficiente
y después de tantas desilusiones amorosas
ella está agotada y prefiere su soledad
que le da libertad y paz
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
I’m 18 and walking across the football stadium to receive my diploma
the one I almost didn’t get, my parents and I breathe a sigh of relief
I’m 24 and I hold my baby boy in my arms, it’s love at first sight
he’s the best birthday present and I’m humbled
I’m 28 and I’m graduating from college,it’s been a an arduous journey to get here
but I make it and my dad cries and tells me how proud he is of me
I’m 30 and holding my third baby boy, he’s my rainbow after the worst storm
everyone in my family holds him and there is an overflow of love
I’m 36 and my oldest son is walking across the gymnasion to receive his diploma
I cry with elation and pride, my heart is filled with pride and joy for him
Here is the English Version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2021/12/23/hey-mister-%f0%9f%91%8b/
me estoy hundiendo en tu magia
es porque eres algo prohibido para mi
es porque eres malo para mi
Siempre me enamoro de lo que será
mi perdición y mi autodestrucción
I wrote this poem in February of 2022.
I forgive myself at 15 for crying over an idiot
who was never worth my time and energy
but he did spark my poetic voice
I forgive myself at 20 for writing more than 50 poems
about a 6 week relationship in 2001
but it did make for some hilarious blog content in 2021
I forgive myself at 25 for not fighting harder for my dreams
and for swallowing my anger and angst for the comfort of others
but that year I became a playwright
I forgive myself at 30 for drowning the writer in me
as I lost myself in my roles as wife and mother
but that year I launched my blog
I forgive myself at 35 for swallowing a bottle of xanax
because I felt like a failure as wife, mother, and worker
but the dark poetry from that time is some of my best
I forgive myself at 40 for wanting to die for two weeks in July
after being discarded by the “supposed” love of my life
but that summer I found the confidence to call myself a writer
Aqui esta la version en Espanol:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/2022/01/06/cada-dia/
My heart sings when you’re near me,
people tell me its infatuation
that I fall too fast for the wrong men
but they’re wrong, so wrong
What I feel is love
Life on the BPD 