I wrote this poem in September of 2019
poetry: nonsense
poetry: leveling up
I wrote this poem in September of 2023.
to reach the next level of my life
I need to stand firm in alignment
with my values
I need to be brave and take the necessary steps
for my full autonomy
even if it’s painful, even if I start to question
the process
the end result will be the betterment
for me and my sons, a life full of purpose
a life where I’m no longer attached to anything
and anyone who held me back from reaching
my potential
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poetry: a long time away
I wrote this poem in September of 2019 and 5 years later, I’m posting it on my 1 year divorce anniversary so this poem is extra special to me.
It seems that my freedom is a long time away
it is almost hopeless to get away from my prison
of obligations and responsibilities
I yearn to escape!
I love my kids
but I’ve stopped loving their dad
the space between us
became too wide a long time ago
and we can never go back
to who we were, who we wanted to be
So now I long to be free of these marital chains
that once upon a time I longed for
As hopeless and as hard as it seems
I’m determined to be free
from my suburban confinement
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poetry: eternal
I wrote this poem in September of 2023.
summer feels eternal
it’s the sixth of september
and we’re still in 90-degree weather
melting in this heat
it’s a global warning with no sign
of reprieve
it’s a never-ending season
that has me sweating and cursing
constantly
saying FML and calling my friends
during panic attacks in the bathroom at work
it’s my insanity I can’t seem to rein in
all the way, no matter how hard I try
and the frustration of it wears me out
and make me want to throw in the towel
and give up
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poetry: Domestic Bliss
I wrote this poem in September of 2019.
maybe this is as good as life gets
a life half lived but with few regrets
Who needs adventure and love
when you have the stability of family?
Who needs spontaneity and excitement
when you have the comfort of home?
Who needs connection and chemistry?\
when you have routine and predictability?
Maybe this is as good as life gets
A life half lived but with few regrets
Bored, bored, bored with it all
living a woman’s suburban dream of mediocrity
to want anything more
would break this so-called
domestic bliss
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poetry: NEVER!
I wrote this poem in September of 2023.
I’m looking forward to that pisco sour I’ll have
after the judge declares me divorced and free to remarry
-ha- that’s the biggest joke ever
maybe I’ll land in someone’s bed once again
But a ring on my finger -NEVER!-
not in this lifetime, not as long as I breathe
instead I’ll claim my single status
And relish in it as long as I can
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Lover Girl Playlist-Ew Crush Season
Crushes–we all get them at some point or another. It doesn’t matter if we’re 13 or 43. They’re unfortunate or fortunate circumstances in our lives depending on how we look at them. I’ve had more of my share of them, and of course, there’s a playlist I listen to when that happens. As jaded in love as I am, there’s a small part of me that’s still a lovergirl. I’ve tried every way to squash the lovergirl in me but apparently it’s resistant to all of the misandrist poetry I write and all of the books I read about hating men and how love is just the most terrible thing in the world.
So I’ve just learned to just let her be and write corny AF love poetry and listen to the most romantic music even if it’s nauseating to me. One of my friends told me the nausea part is some kind of trauma response, and she’s probably right, but that’s another blog post for a later time.
Anyways,here’s a few poems I wrote about having a crush and my lover girl playlist. The playlist is filled with that, “wtf, I have butterflies in my stomach at my age, let’s goooo!!!” kind of energy or “lmao,I’m living some kind of modern Victorian infatuation story or I’m straight up delusional” energy. My most recent crushes have been on Ben Affleck, Benjamin Franklin(cause I’m a materialistic bitch) and of course, Yung Gravy. See y’all, I’m not always a hater when it comes to love (contrary to a lot of what y’all see in the blog) , I, too, have a little romantic girl somewhere in me. Maybe I could manifest that Ben Affleck, Yung Gravy, or a millionaire, sees this blog post, gets a crush on ME and makes their way to my hometown and takes me away in their private jet.
Here are the poems:
Not in my plans
I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t in my plans for self improvement
But I fell for you in spring
I don’t even know when it started to happen
All I remember is absolutely hating it
hated how soft and corny it made me
hated how I started smiling at your messages
hated how you started to melt my jadedness about love
and how I finally felt like love was a possibility for me
5/2/23
Fight with the romantic girl
The romantic in me riots and protests and says
this solitary confinement is bullshit
It’s been over a year since we’ve been intimate
with anyone
or felt a romantic connection
and I try to reason with her
“We’re still healing
and we’ like to stay emotionally regulated
And healthy”
and she yells, “no it’s time to take all
of our therapy skills out for test drive
and find someone we vibe with’
And I answer, “but we’re not”
And she screams, “stop with your excuses
go find the next muse of your poetry
7/29/23
So embarrassing
thought I was done with this part of my life
accepted solitude was now my new life
but you had to smile at me
butterflies appear and I want to vomit
my heart races every time you’re near
And ugh, I fucking hate you for this
so embarrassing at my age to crush on someone so hard
and to write poems about a new unrequited love
And I tried to ignore and quell this feeling
but you have the audacity to appear in my dreams
maybe it’s your fire energy, maybe it’s your poetry
I’m not sure exactly what it is
but fuck you for bringing out the romantic in me
2024
Lover Girl Playlist: Ew -Crush Culture
Crush Culture-Conan Gray
I’m not in love- Will to Power
Begin Again- Taylor Swift
Bad Habit-Steve Lacy
The Prophecy- Taylor Swift
Late Night Talking-Harry Styles
Sanctuary-Joji
Dreaming of You-Selena
Nonsense- Sabrina Carpenter
Overdrive- Conan Gray
Still Falling for You- Ellie Goulding
Ceilings- Lizzie Alpine
People Watching- Conan Gray
Footnote-Conan Gray
Dress-Taylor Swift
Means Something- Lizzy McAlpine
Enchanted- Taylor Swift
Clementine-Yung Gravy
The Louvre-Lorde
Pessimist- Julia Michaels
Risk-Gracie Abrams
HOT TO GO-Chappell Roan
Mastermind- Taylor Swift
So High School- Taylor Swift
Still Chose You- The Kid LAROI
Invisible String-Taylor Swift
Long Story Short-Taylor Swift
So American-Olivia Rodrigo
Disaster- Conan Gray
Lover- Taylor Swift
Below is are the links for Spotify and YouTube in case you do want to get in touch with your inner romantic:
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poetry: purgatory
I wrote this poem in September of 2023.
in purgatory, I live
waiting for the finality of my longest chapter of love
to end
In purgatory, residual anger and resentment
Invades me-
and I turn into an emotional time bomb
Waiting to explode
In purgatory, I wait for my sentencing,
praying the judge sees things my way
and honors what is best for broken family
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How To Use A Big Move To Create Positive Changes In Your Life
by Julia Mitchell
Photo via Pixabay
Moving to a new home is a big change for anyone, and it can create quite a bit of stress and anxiety before, during, and after you’re settled in. There’s so much to think about, and if you have children, their thoughts and feelings on the changes are important to consider too. And while this can be a difficult time for the family as they adjust to the new home, it can actually be a good time for you to learn new, positive habits and break free of any unhealthy choices you’ve made in the past.
Moving to a new place is like starting over fresh. Instead of letting that stress get to you, think of all the ways you can improve upon your life and living situation and put them into action. From Life on the BPD, here are some of the best ways to do just that.
Declutter
After you’ve lived in a home for a little while, you begin to accumulate quite a few belongings. Go through your home well before the move and declutter. Throw away anything you haven’t used in a while that can’t be salvaged, donate old clothing, shoes, and toys, and mark things that don’t get used but have value to be put in storage. When you get to your new home, you’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted because you won’t have to find room for things you don’t need.
Clean up
Moving to a new home is a great excuse to make positive changes in how you keep your house. Having a place to come to after a long day at work that exudes calm, cleanliness, and tranquility can help reduce your stress levels and prevent anxiety from creeping in. It’s also just plain good for your physical health to have a home that is dust-free and well-organized, and it can help boost your energy levels when you’re not constantly battling a cluttered home. This is a great time to get the entire family involved in keeping things neat and clean; make it a point to let them know that after the move, everyone will need to take responsibility for their messes and keep the new house looking nice.
Pursue education goals
A move is the perfect time to reassess and reestablish your educational goals, giving you a fresh start in more ways than one. If you’ve been considering a career change, this is the ideal moment to pursue a computer science degree online, which offers the flexibility to study while you settle into your new home. Earning a computer science degree online can open doors to exciting opportunities in the tech industry, providing you with the skills needed for a thriving career. Use this transition as a chance to align your education with your future ambitions.
Get rid of toxic people
A move represents a fresh start, and that includes getting rid of the people in your life who don’t support you or who create a toxic environment. This is an opportunity to surround yourself with positive influences and to cultivate relationships that uplift and inspire you. It’s important for your health — both emotional and mental — to have control over your relationships, so take a good long look at the people in your life and ask yourself if they are truly a friend. Prioritizing those who genuinely care for your well-being will make your new beginning even more fulfilling.
Get healthy
What’s a fresh start if not a reason to focus on your health? If you’ve already got the mental and emotional sides covered, take a look at your physical health and ask yourself if you could do better. Making a move can be exhausting in more ways than one, so it’s important to find ways to burn off that stress and fatigue. Get familiar with any bike trails, public pools, or gyms you might be interested in and make note of them, so that when you’re feeling low you can give yourself a boost with a good workout; or you can look for ways to get in exercise that don’t feel like exercise.
Remember that a move can be hard on little ones, so get them involved in your campaign to spruce up and put a positive spin on things. Get them excited for this next chapter by framing it as an adventure, and try to be patient when they express their worries about it.
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poetry: september
I wrote this poem in September of 2023.
September comes in with a rage and determination in my heart
to keep on moving with a new purpose
to heal and evolve into the healthiest version of myself
without condemning myself over my past misdeeds
and obsessing over how toxic I once was
so what if I allowed myself to be a doormat,
to be stepped on over and over again?
so what if I wasn’t the mom my kids deserved?
Every day is a brand new start to live a life
Intentionally and with purpose
to continue to grow, build, and expand exponentially
because while my past has impacted me
and I’m still dealing with the consequences of it
I need to move past it, leave it behind
I’ve learned everything I need to learn from it
now it’s time to build my present for the future
I deserve to live in
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poetry: words
I wrote this poem in August of 2023.
what cannot be said aloud will be written in a poem
for better or worse
I have a tendency to process my emotions
in metaphors and verse
and while many wouldn’t call what I write poetry
because I lack technique or an MFA
or whatever else I’m missing
I’m going to keep writing my raw emotions
Down and sharing them
My words hold value,
My words have power
And it has helped and a few other souls
when our feelings lack logical explanations
and reasons
For better or worse I’m going to continue
to tell my story in poetry
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poetry: who knows
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
the shelf of my bookcase breaks, and my poetry notebooks fall
every single one of my love stories scattered on the floor
Failure after failure
Were any of them worth the effort?
Was the experience worth the suffering?
Maybe it was for the inspiration behind my prose and poetry
and the growth I’ve had
Still, that doesn’t seem like an adequate answer
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Poetry: Mama Killa’s Message
I wrote this poem in August of 2023.
In humility I ask mama Killa for guidance
To send me a sign of some kind
as I start to unravel and lose myself in my anxiety
and insecurities
As I start to question if I’m on the right path
and throw myself a pity party and cry
because no one is coming to save me
And how despite all the empowerment
I feel with my autonomy
I still miss being in a relationship
and cover myself up in defeat
Thinking I’ll always be this lonely
But mama Killa sends me a reminder of the love
of sisterhood in my dreams
to remind me I’m on the right path
Mama Killa, in her own way, reassures me that staying
true to myself and continuing what sometimes feels like
a challenging and cringy journey of self-discovery
Is the right thing for me to do in order to heal, to grow, to evolve
and to remember everything will fall into place
as long as I keep going and never give up
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poetry: romantic misfortune
I wrote this poem in August of 2022.
I breathe grief in, I exhale grief out
my pain needs a way out
because despair and sorrow fill up my lungs
and anger sits at the bottom of my stomach
and I’m tired of living like this
a life full of emotional intensity
And supposedly there’s a cure for it
with therapy and radical acceptance
but how do I accept that every man
who’s ever professed his love to me
always leaves
Will my romantic misfortune one day end?
or am I destined to repeat the same story
of abandonment
over and over again?
Life on the BPD 