ahora recién reconoces tu error y me pides disculpas ahora recién decides enfrentar el dolor que generaste al negar la existencia de nuestro hijo ahora recién quieres desempeñar tu papel de padre después de tu desgraciada ausencia de tres años esperando que te perdone como si nada paso lo siento, pero vete de aquí– el no necesita a un infeliz en su vida que nunca pudo dar la cara por el que prefiero esconderlo y olvidarlo por tres años que quiere usarlo para limpiar su conciencia para sentirse mejor
I’m finally free from the chains of love I felt truly a slave to it Thinking I needed it, thinking I wanted it But the truth is the only person I ever needed was me I never needed anyone else to care for me, to love me it’s always temporary until they leave Today marks my independence day from love’s heavy and terrible weight Because I am worth more than another fickle soul Who I always become too much for Because I deserve a sense of emotional stability After so many emotional scars caused by love
la culpabilidad que él siente es demasiado por eso él rechaza su propia sangre el no puede enfrentar los años preciosos que el perdió y la bendición que el abandono
I’m used to being the ultimate pushover- allowing the energy of others to pollute my energy and take up my time It was the people pleaser in me who needed to fawn be easy to get along with and always avoiding conflict, I’d become the person they’d want me to be, cutting away pieces of my authenticity- I’d become easy to digest and swallow I never valued myself or put myself first It was learned martyrdom from the women in my family Internalized misogyny sold to me at a young age dressed up as selfless acts of love but I’m done sacrificing myself for others It’s time to unlearn this toxic way of loving and being I refuse to pass this down to the next generation of woman who come after me I’m here to take up space, roar like a lioness and pass down a new legacy of self love that took me 41 years too long to discover
Old insecurities come to visit me again, they shake up my newly acquired confidence they tell me I’m not smart enough and I’ll never be truly loved They tell me the only thing I have going for me is how sexy I can be Otherwise I’m a waste of a person because of my bpd And I try to shut it all down and not once again drown Because I have made so much progress and have come so far Only to once again fight an anxiety and depression war but it’s daunting and exhausting not to let the negativity get to me So here I go once again, trying to calm down my brain from negative and intrusive thoughts by covering myself with self-love
Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare of reproductive imprisonment because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs birth control pills and a patch because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters scared for the generations of women who come after me and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding at a loss for how this could happen a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes while we were distracted with the modernity of society a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s
People say I shouldn’t give up on love and it’s really just my bad luck But how do I explain How love makes me insane It’s not the men I pick It’s really me, me, me I’ll become the version they want me to be thinking they’ll stay with me- behave, swallow my words, hide my anger, implode on myself in the privacy of my journal but keep my mask of sweet princess on- but this never last for long something always happens it’s just a matter of when when will I get tired of hiding who I am and start being erratic and crazy When will they get tired of my bullshit and decided to leave and almost always, this ends up as an emotional catastrophe for me so I’ve come up with a solution I’m going to make my newfound solitude a haven, a sanctuary to fall into give myself as much time as I need to enjoy the gift on my own company understanding that this isn’t an ending but rather a brand new beginning for me to write and edit my own unconventional love story
I wrote this poem in June of 2022 inspired by my youngest son.
me and my youngest in April of this year
At Tae Kwon Do class my son kicks with a determined look on his face It’s strength and resilience inherited from me and his ancestors It’s a competitive spirit passed down generation after generation from people that had to fight to compete to survive and it fill me with excitement and pride because even at ten my son shows traits from his ancestral warriors
I wrote this poem in May of 2022 inspired by this “woke” white woman. Lol.
you’re nothing but a selfish and narcissistic attention whore constantly craving the limelight by posting long and stupid ridden Facebook statuses about the “truth” of the injustice you see injecting yourself as the voice of minorities it all unveils your world of deep seated insecurities and the irony of all of this is should you know better since you’re a therapist but apparently you’re still dumb as fuck It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have-you still reek of ignorance
I’d rather live in music, daydreams, and fantasies than face the monotony and routine of real life who wants to deal with spreadsheets when I can get lost in dreams about finding the one who wants to answer to karen’s idiotic questions when I got taylor swift on repeat who wants to open and read another email about another stupid workplace policy when I can fantasize about the best sex I had the a few nights ago real life is too boring for me when I have music, daydreams, and fantasies waiting to inspire the writer in me
5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder by Julia Mitchell
After receiving a bipolar diagnosis, you may be wondering what the best course of action is in order to manage the condition while tending to your daily obligations. How will you cope with your symptoms and lead a fulfilling life? Here are some strategies you should discuss with your healthcare professional:
Stick to Your Treatment Plan
Once you’ve been diagnosed as bipolar, your physician will prescribe medication and put you on a treatment plan. But since there are no one-size-fits-all drugs when it comes to treating this condition, you’ll have to go through a bit of a trial-and-error period before you get on the right dosage. Through it all, try to be patient and persistent. Do not get discouraged, and stick with your treatment plan until you start seeing results. And don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to your doctor if you feel something isn’t working as it should.
Focus On Your Sleep
Lack of sleep and poor sleep quality can exacerbate symptoms for people with bipolar disorder. So strive to stick to a bedtime routine that will promote a restful night. Avoid heavy foods, caffeine, and alcohol too close to bedtime. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; having a relaxing ritual like a soothing bath, a cup of chamomile tea, reading, or meditating can help get you into a more relaxed state. Turn off your screens and smartphone at least 30 minutes before you lie down for the night. And keep the temperature at a comfortable level to help you stay asleep longer.
Work on Your Career Plan
A fulfilling and rewarding career can help keep symptom activators and triggers at bay, and establishing healthy relationships with coworkers and colleagues who share the same passion will help you thrive at your job. If teaching younger generations is your calling, find an accredited online school with competitive rates and check this program that will lead to a bachelor’s education degree. Pursuing a degree online allows you to take classes when it’s most convenient for you and your family, so you can fit them into your busy life without feeling stressed out.
Take Time for Self-Care
Between family and work obligations, you may feel pulled in a multitude of directions. You can start feeling stressed out, angry, and like you’re losing control of your life. And when you suffer from bipolar disorder, you’re either too busy to take time for yourself or too depressed to do anything for yourself. So try to stick to one project at a time, and learn to say no or to delegate to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And when you’re feeling down, make sure to go outside to get some fresh air, meet with some friends, and indulge in things that make you happy.
Start a Side Business
If pursuing a favorite hobby helps you manage your bipolar symptoms, think about ways you can turn this enjoyable pastime into a small business of your own. There are online resources to help you get started, such as LLC formation services which will walk you through all the legal ins and outs of structuring and launching a business. By using such a service, you won’t need to hire a lawyer to get all the tax benefits offered by a limited liability company.
If you’ve been recently diagnosed, ask your therapist for strategies that will make living with bipolar disorder and coping with symptoms easier. Learn to recognize your triggers, take time for self-care, and develop a toolbox of skills and activities to help stabilize your mood.
Have you or a loved one been diagnosed with a bipolar or borderline personality disorder? You’re not alone! Please follow my healing journey at lifeonthebpd.com.
Distraída, distraída, distraída siempre fui así porque la fantasía siempre es mejor que la realidad porque necesitaba escapar la durez de mi vida vivir en sueños es mejor que vivir la vida que muchas veces me dejan rota y triste con las desgracias que me pasan distraída, distraída, distraída siempre sere asi mientras tengo vida en mi
busco la adrenalina de amor en los brazos de otro pero no siento nada cuando el me toca, cuando el me hace el amor y finjo sentir algo para que el acabe y me pueda levantar y irme a mi casa donde lloro y lloro lágrimas inútiles mientras escucho a Alejandro Sanz y escribo poemas acerca de la soledad infernal que vivo cada día que trato de superar
I wonder where all of my money goes but then I go home to the bottomless pits that are my kids and then I go upstairs to my bedroom where my closet is exploding with clothes and then I look under bed full of shoes and then I go downstairs to my record player and looks at my various vinyls and we won’t even talk about my newly acquired furniture from Amazon now I understand my money goes to my busy life and my BPD spending impulsivity
vivo de recuerdos y sueños de lo que alguna vez fuimos y quisiera morir que vivir en esta soledad opaca y amarga donde lloro lagrimas que tu nunca veras y escribo cartas y poemas que tú nunca leerás
Life on the BPD 
