I wrote this poem in November of 2022.
You will always be a secret that I’ll regret
one that makes me full of shame and guilt
one I’ve tried to block again and again unsuccessfully
It’s something I will never talk about
it would cause my inner world much harm
so I’ll keep quiet about it
Swallow it whole
It’s a story of trauma that doesn’t need to be told
este poema lo escribà en el 2004 acerca de John. estaba bien amarga.
Alguna vez pensé
que tú podrÃas ser el hombre para mi
Pero eso se dio a perder
El dÃa que tú me dijiste
Que no soy y nunca serÃa
Alguien especial para ti
Y llore y llore y llore
¿Por qué no me quisiste?
¿Por qué no me diste una oportunidad?
Para que puedas probar mi amor incondicional
pero ya no hay marcha atrás
Algún dÃa te arrepentirás
Porque aunque tu desprecio
Me causó una gran desilusión
y no sabÃa qué hacer con tanto dolor
Tú hiciste lo mejor para mi
Porque gracias a ti
aprendà a sobrevivir
I wrote this poem in November of 2022.
saint tracey assured me my life wasn’t over
she showed me love and compassion
when everyone else shunned me
she accepted me for who I was
and encouraged me to follow the path of success
she saw the hidden potential in me
when other teachers saw laziness
she was a prayer from God
sent to me to remind me
my mistakes don’t define me
and that I was still worthy of the love
and goodness in the world
I wrote this poem in October of 2022.
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I will my legs to keep going as they start to groan
and threaten to turn to mush
the autumn sun shines on me and this should lift my spirits
but the gloom stay within as I run, run, run
Running away from my feelings, running away from my thoughts
I still hate everything-especially myself
Thinking of all my wrongs and how I’m doomed to a life
of solitary confinement
Will I ever fix what’s wrong with me?
and then I see it-a deer a few yards away from me
3 second glances are exchanged it runs across the road
away from me-
and something shifts in me
hope is awakened with a reminder of nature’s splendor
it puts everything in perspective
I am but a speck in the universe
a creation of GOD
It’s a waste to focus on past regrets and could’ve beens
I need to seize the moment of what is and what could be-
and I run on to the next chapter of my life
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: Lost
Perdida en frustracion y desesperacion, no se que voy a hacer-
Por fin, estaba tomando pasos para un futuro mejor
pero de nuevo me encuentro con otro obstáculo por mi culpa
porque qué diablos no mire bien antes de salir en la calle
y en un santo amén perdi mi independencia
here’s the english version of this poem:
Poetry: False Fairy Tale
todos creen en nuestra obra de teatro
tienen la impresión que vivimos un cuento de hadas
si solo supieran como me insultas detrás de las puertas cerradas
o como mi almohada se moja con mis lagrimas por tu desprecio
estarÃan con sus bocas abiertas por la mentira tóxica
que vivimos cada dia
I reflect a lot on who I was, who I am, and who I will be-
and I’ve reach the conclusion that I’m proud of all three versions of me
Constantly fighting my demons no matter how viciously they came after me
Constantly reinventing and rebuilding myself even when the chaotic earthquakes
of life broke me apart
I reflect on the goddess, the beast in me who always refuses to give up
who continues to get and keep going no matter how hard life tries to break me down
1/19/23
Aqui esta la version en Espanol:
poesia: Aqui
walking along Kailua Beach-remembering the young and impulsive girl I once was
always jumping without looking, always falling in love without thinking
until one day, it all caught up with me and I was ostracized and had to leave
and 4 years later I’m back to the place that brought me so much trauma and chaos
and while I could dwell on my past wrongs and misdeeds
today I’m choosing to give grace and forgiveness to my younger self
who didn’t know any better, who was still discovering who she was
Life on the BPD 