flickering ashes, among them, the bride’s dress dreams of a family dreams of a white picket fence all went up in smoke jilted and pregnant bride cries on the floor, waiting for the sentencing from her parents now that her lover jilted her and couldn’t make an honest woman out of her
Feeling hopeless in a cesspool of a world That will never accept you -for your skin color -for your accent -for your nationality -for your religion or lack of one -for your independent thought Anything that doesn’t fit the image of white and Christian is blasphemous To be an “other” is to carry the weight of racism, discrimination, xenophobia All the phobias on your already burdened shoulders So they try to kill us with actual guns Or metaphorical ones of insults,rejections or looks of disgust.
I’m soldier of love too lost battles for me to count and recount how many times I’ve had to stitch my heart over and over again from the many knives past lovers have stabbed me with with the last one, I almost lost all hope for love It made me lose my sanity and almost gave me PTSD Still the romantic in me refused to die and resurfaced this year Told me, “this time it will be different, this time you have self respect and you’ll be choosy over who’s worthy of your love energy”
raindrops serendipiciously hit the window panes of our room and the wind sings a song everyone can hear I lay on your chest in our bed in awe of what just happened caught lovestruck with a smile of love thankful for this second chance at marriage for so long I thought I was doomed to be alone never expected to find you especially the way you showed up in my life and now there isn’t a space between us and you look at me with goofy smile of yours the one that inspires the poet in me and say “we need to make up for lost time”
between heartbeats and honeysuckle, they fell in love this time, it was different for both of them this time it didn’t take much to see that both of them Wanted to exchange I dos this time they believed in forever and happily ever after
I give you the gift of my heart with everything in it so please be careful with it I don’t want it to be broken apart again if you decide to leave on a whim
With a fiery madness, she survived and made it out alive tragedy after tragedy, diagnosis after diagnosis she questioned how or why she did it Many stood astonished at how she kept herself together and composed even as her life and her body fell apart but after a while it was easy for her to triumph after every devastating plot twist she was something else a mixture of manic pixie girl and goddess she was special
scattered memories of you and I are tossed into the bonfire pictures, poems, and letters never sent burn and burn and I watch understanding this is our closure and our chapter is finally closed and I needed the bonfire and a final curtain call on an early February night to put us behind
this is a dangerous road I’m traveling on smiling at your messages Creating a playlist inspired by you romanticizing every interaction we have liking every single one of your posts Wondering if you’re safe enough To get to know you beyond the walls of this simple friendship
my pleas for love fall on the deaf ears of the universe I scoff and get angry with her Wondering what’s left to heal what’s left for closure what’s wrong with me that I need to fix in order to attract someone to love for the crazy, creative and complex woman that I am
me manifesting that one day I’ll be holding a book with my stories
middle age me is not seeking revenge on all who caused me trauma I’m simply trying to make sense of the fuckery that happened to me I’m simply trying to address the unhealed trauma that still lies within me and haunts me in my dreams I’m trying to process and understand that I never deserved any of it I’m trying to get rid of that shame and guilt I’ve carried from it and while sometimes that looks vindictive I’m sorry but the only way to my journey in healing work is through uninhibited storytelling
the empty wineglass sits at the edge of the coffee table after I’ve written another poem about you it needs to be refilled so my mind gets tired of being inspired by the memory of you
I’d never say I lost time with any of my love stories- they all taught me something about myself They all inspired me to write poetry and two of them help me create my three kings even if some of my love stories left me decimated and almost destroyed me they were all worthy for the love I felt the growth and progress I had