I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

weβre in our saorsa era, redemptive and honest
a complete 180 turn to who we were before
a story I like so much better than our last one
always said I was a much better friend
and girlfriend
I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

in total darkness I fell for a while
for a year I didnβt listen to music
For a year I donβt remember being a mom
and while I still function and went to work
Several years later
I realize how I had forgotten all about
the darkness I had fallen in a while ago
my mind blocked it in an attempt to move on
in an attempt to heal
I wrote this poem in March of 2025.

flickering ashes, among them, the brideβs dress
dreams of a family
dreams of a white picket fence all went up in smoke
jilted and pregnant
bride cries on the floor, waiting for the sentencing
from her parents
now that her lover jilted her
and couldnβt make an honest woman out of her
I wrote this poem in March of 2019.

Feeling hopeless in a cesspool of a world
That will never accept you
-for your skin color
-for your accent
-for your nationality
-for your religion or lack of one
-for your independent thought
Anything that doesnβt fit the image
of white and Christian is blasphemous
To be an βotherβ is to carry the weight of racism,
discrimination, xenophobia
All the phobias on your already burdened shoulders
So they try to kill us with actual guns Or
metaphorical ones of insults,rejections or looks of disgust.
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

this is a dangerous road Iβm traveling on
smiling at your messages
Creating a playlist inspired by you
romanticizing every interaction we have
liking every single one of your posts
Wondering if youβre safe enough
To get to know you
beyond the walls of this simple friendship
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

middle age me is not seeking revenge on all who caused me trauma
Iβm simply trying to make sense of the fuckery that happened to me
Iβm simply trying to address the unhealed trauma that still lies
within me and haunts me in my dreams
Iβm trying to process and understand that I never deserved any of it
Iβm trying to get rid of that shame and guilt Iβve carried from it
and while sometimes that looks vindictive
Iβm sorry but the only way to my journey in healing work
is through uninhibited storytelling
I wrote this poem of February of 2025.

one day Iβll meet a man who wonβt be afraid to take my hand
and declare his love for me in public
one day Iβll meet a man who wonβt have eyes for another body
other than mine
One day Iβll meet a man whose values aligns with mine
One day Iβll meet a man whoβs always looking for ways
to evolve and better himself
One day Iβll meet a man who wonβt run away from his emotions
and confront them head on even when it hurts
one day Iβll meet a man whoβll want to make me his
for the rest of his life without blinking an eye
and say Iβm one the best things thatβs ever happened to him
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

Iβm looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with
A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy
A heartbeat who doesnβt call me angel or princess
only calls me by my name
a heartbeat whoβll fall in love with the real me
and not the idea they have of me
or the persona I play on social media
A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos
A heartbeat who accepts and understands me
and never tries to change me
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Mason like the jar was his name
being a fuckboy was his game
He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years
But he was still wet behind his ears
He thought he could deceive me
and lies and lies and lies he told me
told me he lived with a roommate
when it was really his soul mate
He wanted his ice cream and cake
but I saw through his con game
And right away I stopped our lust filled affair
My respect I needed to firmly declare
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

Nobody knew about our sexcapade
You were a temporary escape
From the emptiness and loneliness
I felt in my suburban adolescence
Nobody knew about me and you
Until I could no longer hide
the living creature inside
Nobody knew about me and you
Until my belly grew and grew
And half of it was you
Nobody knew about our short fling
Until one day I had to sing
Iβm pregnant with a strangerβs baby
No,heβll never be the one or even a maybe
I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

once upon a time I wrote a lovely poem about us
and called it by starlight
it told the story of our first night
but now youβre gone and all Iβm left with
are memories of who we once were
and while I miss you
I know itβs better this way
we both needed a clean slate from our baggage
to start anew with someone else
we both needed to have a brand new start
with someone who fits into the new versions
of who we are now
I wrote this poem in January of 2022.

My former lover prays for me because I won’t fuck him
Is this how it feels like to change my story from on call whore
to an Iβm healing and deserve better “Woman
Is this how it feels like to to go from fun girl to healthy woman
I use to measure my worth by who loved me or who wanted to fuck me
but those days of impulsivity and “hey, this will be fun”
are long gone
Now are the days of painful transformations,therapy worksheets, self reflection
and most importantly self love
So I put away my sexy vixen persona
And I put on my ” βI’m authentic without apologies personaβ
Iβve stopped living to please others
and now live to please myself
I wrote this poem in January of 2025.

My past called to me and I made the mistake of answering it
and looked for the former main characters in my life
Stalked them on google and social media
and most of them didnβt want to be found
perhaps they did the right thing in wanting to live their lives
in peace without their ghosts haunting them
but two of the ones who had the great impact on me
both of them are happily married
one of them has a son my youngest sonβs age
Iβm glad he grew out of his peter pan syndrome
and the other is about to finally become a dad at 43
his lifelong dream come true after waiting for so long
Iβm trying to be happy for him
and with all that Iβm ready to really close that chapter
On my past because while I was distracted from my grief
And highly entertained by my theatrics and my shitty choices in men
when I was in my twenties
Its time to stop this business of reminiscing of what was
and what could have been
Its time to accept what is and what could be
and focus on making my own lifelong dreams come true
And be open to my invisible string out there somewhere
waiting for me
I wrote this poem in 2021.

Even after sheβs destroyed
she goes to work the next day
plasters a fake smile on her face
Even after sheβs devastated
she gathers the pieces of her heart
and reluctantly shows up
where sheβs needed
Even after sheβs knocked down
she gets up cloaked in strength
and continues to move forward
with a brand new determination