With my last rock bottom, I learned many things I learned about the power of my strength and resilience I learned how to be truly alone I learned about self-love and how to feel enough And I learned how maybe love isnβt for me and all of these things were hard for me to learn But after my last rock bottom I came out a different person A person who understands herself better A person who stopped apologizing for who she is and is no longer afraid to be herself
So this year I was able to do the napowrimo challenge last month in which I wrote one poem a day and posted it to my blog. For information about what Napowrimo is and where I got my prompts, here is the link: https://www.napowrimo.net/
april 1st-me on the first day of the challenge
I wasnβt able to do the challenge last year because I was in Peru and well, I was too busy enjoying my vacation to think about the challenge.
me in Peru last year…experiencing the poetry of nature instead of writing about it
I did do the challenge in 2022 and I can definitely tell a difference in my poetry from that year to this year. Hereβs that blog post: https://wordpress.com/post/lifeonthebpd.com/3708 So a few things I have noticed in my poetry this year is Iβve gotten stronger in using imagery, my vocabulary is way better and Iβve even written some funny stuff. Hereβs one inspired by Yung Gravy that I loved and read at open mic:
I got to perform this at a variety show this month and got serenaded after by a zoomer-lol
Another thing I noticed is that Iβm getting better at telling a story through my poetry and hereβs an example of this, this one is also one of my most vulnerable poems that I loved:
this was one of my most vulnerable and favorite poems
I will admit that not all of my poems were βgood poemsβ and Iβll also admit that there were some days that it was hard to stay on task doing this daily since I do work 60 hour weeks but my discipline and determination won and even on the hardest and busiest of days, I still manage to write and post a poem. Also, I was determined to use the prompts from the napowrimo site and at times those prompts were challenging. However, I still used those prompts to the best of my ability. Also, when I did the challenge in 2022 I said something about turning off my internal editor and writing the poem and posting it right away. While I did turn off my internal editor (somewhat) when I wrote the first draft of the poem, I actually edited that first draft after I wrote it. I wrote a second draft in my journal and thatβs what I posted in my blog. This shows Iβm growing as a writer as Iβm editing and paying more attention to what I post. I think one of the major reasons Iβve grown as a writer is because Iβve found community with other poets online and in real life. One thing I thought a lot about as I was doing this challenge was my audience. My friend Alex (another poet) told me that when he writes his poetry, he thinks about how it will sound while reading it to an audience and that really stuck with me. I know Iβve said so many times, βI write for myself primarilyβ and while that is still true, I think that in order for me to build community I need to also think about my audience and my readers. I donβt think this takes away from my authenticity at all; I think Iβm just growing as a writer who aims to become better.
I’m so good at documenting those moments
My advice to anyone whoβs thinking about doing the challenge next year is do it for yourself and be gentle with yourself. Understand you donβt have to post it if you donβt want to and use any prompts available on the internet. As I look into doing this challenge this year, Iβm thinking of making my own prompts in Spanish and English for anyone interested in doing the challenge. I hope that next April when God willing I do the napowrimo challenge again Iβm better at my craft and I can inspire some of my fellow poets to do the challenge with me.
Lord, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do if this ever happens
in the dark corners of the earth the karma gods get together with their hit list they scheme and plan lessons of devastation, destruction, and death to teach someone a lesson about poetic justice
Itβs been almost a year since I saw you Almost a year since I allowed you to treat me like your on call whore almost a year since I got a sinking feeling in my gut when your text appeared on my phone screen almost a year since I allowed any man have the power you had over me almost a year and contrary to popular belief you were the easiest of my addictions to get rid of
Can I blame the morning rain for making me crazy yesterday itβs like I lost all of my emotional regulation skills and I had to constantly struggle to reign my anger in To not key my annoying coworkerβs car To not drive off somewhere and never come back but HEY I still managed to get through the day and not rage quit
I’m a lone brunette wolf in a world full of blonde sheep my exes always preferred blondes over me I never knew exactly why perhaps blondes really do have more fun perhaps blondes are easier to manipulate this used to bother me greatly, even robbed me of my sanity and sleep but eventually I had a great epiphany the one meant for me will not just love how sweet I can be Heβll also love and encourage the savage in me he’ll know how to ride the turbulent waves of my mood swings Iβm not sure if Iβll meet him soon or if he even exists but after this grand epiphany I no longer care about my exes and their blonde sheep In fact, I wish them all the best fairytale ending
I wrote this sometime in 2006 when I was contemplative about life.
stop waiting
dreams and goals are important without them life doesnβt have purpose without them we get stuck in a routine of misery Without them we end up projecting our insecurities on others and making ourselves the victims of our lives
just when Iβm about to close my eyes the overthinking starts and robs me of my sleep I obsess and obsess over something thoughtless Iβve said I try my best to remember the four agreements I try my best to take control of my emotions But here I am still losing sleep over something that wonβt even matter in a day or two
I channel the teenager that resides in me on days when Iβm about to lose my shit I daydream what it be like to allow the teenager in me to take over imagine going to the airport with my passport and escape to somewhere, anywhere Iβm free to be nobody where Iβm not a mom, a coworker, a daughter, a friend somewhere where I can relax and write flowery poetry about sunsets and trees instead of writing poems about capitalism, kids and big karen energy
my poetry has never been to get attention, likes, comments, validation and while I appreciate all those things I have to be honest – my poetry is and will always be for me to speak my truth, to process my feelings, to heal from lifeβs tragedies to understand myself and learn to love myself as I am my poetry is the ultimate love letter to myself and the universe