subtitles jump from my phone screen violently one of the few films from 1950βs mexico that address domestic violence one of the few films to portray the man as the crazy one but instead of him going to prison for his many crimes against his wife he ends up locked up in a monastery
one day in bed and my son acts like its the end of the world demands I get up and act like an adult like the mother heβs used to seeing but in defiance, I stay in bed reading poetry and allow the muse to come and allow me to pour out of me and land on paper for once I wonβt allow the patriarchy define how I should act, who I should be for once I allow the poet me to be my first priority
feet washed and kissed in front of others everyone calls her blessed and lucky no one knows about the scars she hides beneath her lilac modest dress no one believes her if she told them what a monster he was behind closed doors
weβre in our saorsa era, redemptive and honest a complete 180 turn to who we were before a story I like so much better than our last one always said I was a much better friend and girlfriend
in total darkness I fell for a while for a year I didnβt listen to music For a year I donβt remember being a mom and while I still function and went to work Several years later I realize how I had forgotten all about the darkness I had fallen in a while ago my mind blocked it in an attempt to move on in an attempt to heal
kept the dead rose petals along with your note as long as I could it was the first time a man had acknowledged me worthy enough of a rose and at 16, that was everything
flickering ashes, among them, the brideβs dress dreams of a family dreams of a white picket fence all went up in smoke jilted and pregnant bride cries on the floor, waiting for the sentencing from her parents now that her lover jilted her and couldnβt make an honest woman out of her
Feeling hopeless in a cesspool of a world That will never accept you -for your skin color -for your accent -for your nationality -for your religion or lack of one -for your independent thought Anything that doesnβt fit the image of white and Christian is blasphemous To be an βotherβ is to carry the weight of racism, discrimination, xenophobia All the phobias on your already burdened shoulders So they try to kill us with actual guns Or metaphorical ones of insults,rejections or looks of disgust.
this is a dangerous road Iβm traveling on smiling at your messages Creating a playlist inspired by you romanticizing every interaction we have liking every single one of your posts Wondering if youβre safe enough To get to know you beyond the walls of this simple friendship
me manifesting that one day I’ll be holding a book with my stories
middle age me is not seeking revenge on all who caused me trauma Iβm simply trying to make sense of the fuckery that happened to me Iβm simply trying to address the unhealed trauma that still lies within me and haunts me in my dreams Iβm trying to process and understand that I never deserved any of it Iβm trying to get rid of that shame and guilt Iβve carried from it and while sometimes that looks vindictive Iβm sorry but the only way to my journey in healing work is through uninhibited storytelling
Iβm looking for the rhythm of a new heartbeat to fall in love with A heartbeat that goes with the flow of my intense intimacy A heartbeat who doesnβt call me angel or princess only calls me by my name a heartbeat whoβll fall in love with the real me and not the idea they have of me or the persona I play on social media A heartbeat who can handle my crazy and chaos A heartbeat who accepts and understands me and never tries to change me
Mason like the jar was his name being a fuckboy was his game He tried to act wise beyond his 23 years But he was still wet behind his ears He thought he could deceive me and lies and lies and lies he told me told me he lived with a roommate when it was really his soul mate He wanted his ice cream and cake but I saw through his con game And right away I stopped our lust filled affair My respect I needed to firmly declare
once upon a time I wrote a lovely poem about us and called it by starlight it told the story of our first night but now youβre gone and all Iβm left with are memories of who we once were and while I miss you I know itβs better this way we both needed a clean slate from our baggage to start anew with someone else we both needed to have a brand new start with someone who fits into the new versions of who we are now