poetry: chicha

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

la abuela Mercedes

today I woke up overwhelmed, exhausted and in a fit of rage
feeling underappreciated in all of my efforts
to move my family forward
not remembering the last time I had a full day of rest
wondering how to continue this existence
of 60 something work weeks,
and of course the guilt over not spending enough time
with my kids-
I was downtrodden with grief and mad at the world
until my abuela’s story made its way to a conversation
with my coworker and a small light of hope dawned on me
if my illiterate and indigenous abuela Mercedes,
alone in the world could make generational wealth
in the early 1900s
despite the racism, the obstacles, and many tragedies faced
I, too. will not only survive but will also thrive
and continue to shine my light
it’s in my bloodline, my ancestry to evolve,
push myself forward despite obstacles, mental illness,
or life’s tragedies-IT’S UP TO ME!
as a Peruvian woman living in America in the 21st century
to make the best of what’s been given to me
which sometimes feels like the sourest of maize
and turn them in the sweetest and tastiest Chicha

poetry: Libra Season

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

me with one of my Libra queens

Libra season is upon us as summer turns to fall-
a year ago, I was returning from my homeland
recharged and determined
2 years ago, I was angry and using my rage
to fuel my creativity and train for a 5k
and 3 years ago, I was a hot and exhausted
Emotional mess among the madness of COVID
And this Libra season, I’m entering it free from
the chains of matrimony
and every expectation my parents and society
has placed on me
This Libra season, I will honor and pay tribute
to my abuela Mercedes
for the independent and strong woman that she was
and celebrate my friends Melia and Quinn’s birthdays
show them how grateful I am for their existence
This Libra season, I’ll set intentions and manifestations
for the next 6 months for the life I dream of and envision
For myself and my sons
This Libra season I’m determined more than ever
to make miracles and magic happen-
And prove to myself and anyone who ever doubted me
that I’m not just a crazy and savage bitch
but I’m also a magical and intelligent one
who’s constantly evolving

poetry: home

I wrote this poem in September of 2021.

in the thick of my identity crises

I looked for a sense of home,
a sense of identity
in all of the wrong
Places –
man after man
Shopping spree after shopping spree,
drink after drink
all were temporary fixes
for something I never had
a stable home, a true
sense of identity
until one day I realized
these temporary bandaids
were never or will
ever be my home
because that sense of
home, that sense of identity
lies within myself

poetry: Oconee County Problems

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

exactly

Susan from Oconee County calls concerned about the smell in the air
from the sludge in the farms-
and my Latina working class immigrant self rolls her eyes in disgust
silently mouthing off-
β€œare you fucking kidding me? another rich bitch on a mission
to solve her problems of discomfort in her every day
bane of existence”
but I quietly listen to her as she talks about how
it’s impacting the environment
and the drive to the pilates studio
because she just has to drive with her windows down
to breathe in the autumn air as her PSL cools down
in the drink holder
but now she can’t enjoy her drive because of the sludge
and then she breaks down and cries
because of the inconsiderate farmers
and I think of 1001 waysΒ  her privilege white woman ass
is being a bitch and the audacity of how, me,
a Latina immigrant working class woman is being forced to listen
to her idiotic and inconsequential problems
but rent needs to be paid and my kids need to be fed
so, instead, I say
β€œm’amn, I understand”
in my best and whitest customer service voice-
while calling her a pinche estupida pendeja
in my head-
and I reassure with a smile in my voice and tell her,
β€œI’ll make sure someone get your messages
which is of utmost importance, and calls you back”
and as I hang up the phone,
I want to scream and vomit at the same time
thinking
β€œI don’t think this was part of my American Dream”

poetry: different

I wrote this poem in September of 2021.

shine brightly

I saw my mother kill the spark in my father
He was my age with many dreams,
But I’m different,so different
No matter who or
What gets in my way,I’ll Knock them out
Figuratively or literally
to get the life I deserve
to accomplish my goals
The spark in me stays in me
and giving a determination
to keep going
and to NEVER, EVER GIVE UP!

poetry: leveling up

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

grief is part of the process

to reach the next level of my life
I need to stand firm in alignment
with my values
I need to be brave and take the necessary steps
for my full autonomy
even if it’s painful, even if I start to question
the process
the end result will be the betterment
for me and my sons, a life full of purpose
a life where I’m no longer attached to anything
and anyone who held me back from reaching
my potential

poetry: a long time away

I wrote this poem in September of 2019 and 5 years later, I’m posting it on my 1 year divorce anniversary so this poem is extra special to me.

for real, for real

It seems that my freedom is a long time away
it is almost hopeless to get away from my prison
of obligations and responsibilities
I yearn to escape!
I love my kids
but I’ve stopped loving their dad
the space between us
became too wide a long time ago
and we can never go back
to who we were, who we wanted to be
So now I long to be free of these marital chains
that once upon a time I longed for
As hopeless and as hard as it seems
I’m determined to be free
from my suburban confinement

Lover Girl Playlist-Ew Crush Season

me reading some romantic poetry at open mic

Crushes–we all get them at some point or another. It doesn’t matter if we’re 13 or 43. They’re unfortunate or fortunate circumstances in our lives depending on how we look at them. I’ve had more of my share of them, and of course, there’s a playlist I listen to when that happens. As jaded in love as I am, there’s a small part of me that’s still a lovergirl. I’ve tried every way to squash the lovergirl in me but apparently it’s resistant to all of the misandrist poetry I write and all of the books I read about hating men and how love is just the most terrible thing in the world.
So I’ve just learned to just let her be and write corny AF love poetry and listen to the most romantic music even if it’s nauseating to me. One of my friends told me the nausea part is some kind of trauma response, and she’s probably right, but that’s another blog post for a later time.
Anyways,here’s a few poems I wrote about having a crush and my lover girl playlist. The playlist is filled with that, β€œwtf, I have butterflies in my stomach at my age, let’s goooo!!!” kind of energy or β€œlmao,I’m living some kind of modern Victorian infatuation story or I’m straight up delusional” energy. My most recent crushes have been on Ben Affleck, Benjamin Franklin(cause I’m a materialistic bitch) and of course, Yung Gravy. See y’all, I’m not always a hater when it comes to love (contrary to a lot of what y’all see in the blog) , I, too, have a little romantic girl somewhere in me. Maybe I could manifest that Ben Affleck, Yung Gravy, or a millionaire, sees this blog post, gets a crush on ME and makes their way to my hometown and takes me away in their private jet.

Here are the poems:

Not in my plans

I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t in my plans for self improvement
But I fell for you in spring
I don’t even know when it started to happen
All I remember is absolutely hating it
hated how soft and corny it made me
hated how I started smiling at your messages
hated how you started to melt my jadedness about love
and how I finally felt like love was a possibility for me

5/2/23

it’s me on a quest to find my Travis Kelce

Fight with the romantic girl

The romantic in me riots and protests and says
this solitary confinement is bullshit
It’s been over a year since we’ve been intimate
with anyone
or felt a romantic connection
and I try to reason with her
β€œWe’re still healing
and we’ like to stay emotionally regulated
And healthy”
and she yells, β€œno it’s time to take all
of our therapy skills out for test drive
and find someone we vibe with’
And I answer, β€œbut we’re not”
And she screams, β€œstop with your excuses
go find the next muse of your poetry

7/29/23

wondering who my next Ace of Cups will be

So embarrassing

thought I was done with this part of my life
accepted solitude was now my new life
but you had to smile at me
butterflies appear and I want to vomit
my heart races every time you’re near
And ugh, I fucking hate you for this
so embarrassing at my age to crush on someone so hard
and to write poems about a new unrequited love
And I tried to ignore and quell this feeling
but you have the audacity to appear in my dreams
maybe it’s your fire energy, maybe it’s your poetry
I’m not sure exactly what it is
but fuck you for bringing out the romantic in me

2024

I have honestly done this more than a few times this year-I have issues according to Google

Lover Girl Playlist: Ew -Crush Culture

Crush Culture-Conan Gray
I’m not in love- Will to Power
Begin Again- Taylor Swift
Bad Habit-Steve Lacy
The Prophecy- Taylor Swift
Late Night Talking-Harry Styles
Sanctuary-Joji
Dreaming of You-Selena
Nonsense- Sabrina Carpenter
Overdrive- Conan Gray
Still Falling for You- Ellie Goulding
Ceilings- Lizzie Alpine
People Watching- Conan Gray
Footnote-Conan Gray
Dress-Taylor Swift
Means Something- Lizzy McAlpine
Enchanted- Taylor Swift
Clementine-Yung Gravy
The Louvre-Lorde
Pessimist- Julia Michaels
Risk-Gracie Abrams
HOT TO GO-Chappell Roan
Mastermind- Taylor Swift
So High School- Taylor Swift
Still Chose You- The Kid LAROI
Invisible String-Taylor Swift
Long Story Short-Taylor Swift
So American-Olivia Rodrigo
Disaster- Conan Gray
Lover- Taylor Swift

Below is are the links for Spotify and YouTube in case you do want to get in touch with your inner romantic:

Crush Culture makes me want to spill my guts out-Conan Gray
Conan is the GOAT of Unrequited Love!

poetry: purgatory

I wrote this poem in September of 2023.

ai image of purgatory

in purgatory, I live
waiting for the finality of my longest chapter of love
to end
In purgatory, residual anger and resentment
Invades me-
and I turn into an emotional time bomb
Waiting to explode
In purgatory, I wait for my sentencing,
praying the judge sees things my way
and honors what is best for broken family

How To Use A Big Move To Create Positive Changes In Your Life

by Julia Mitchell

new-1572747_640 (1).jpg

Photo via Pixabay
Moving to a new home is a big change for anyone, and it can create quite a bit of stress and anxiety before, during, and after you’re settled in. There’s so much to think about, and if you have children, their thoughts and feelings on the changes are important to consider too. And while this can be a difficult time for the family as they adjust to the new home, it can actually be a good time for you to learn new, positive habits and break free of any unhealthy choices you’ve made in the past.Β 

Moving to a new place is like starting over fresh. Instead of letting that stress get to you, think of all the ways you can improve upon your life and living situation and put them into action. From Life on the BPD, here are some of the best ways to do just that.

Declutter

After you’ve lived in a home for a little while, you begin to accumulate quite a few belongings. Go through your home well before the move and declutter. Throw away anything you haven’t used in a while that can’t be salvaged, donate old clothing, shoes, and toys, and mark things that don’t get used but have value to be put in storage. When you get to your new home, you’ll feel like a great weight has been lifted because you won’t have to find room for things you don’t need. 

Clean up

Moving to a new home is a great excuse to make positive changes in how you keep your house. Having a place to come to after a long day at work that exudes calm, cleanliness, and tranquility can help reduce your stress levels and prevent anxiety from creeping in. It’s also just plain good for your physical health to have a home that is dust-free and well-organized, and it can help boost your energy levels when you’re not constantly battling a cluttered home. This is a great time to get the entire family involved in keeping things neat and clean; make it a point to let them know that after the move, everyone will need to take responsibility for their messes and keep the new house looking nice. 

Pursue education goals

A move is the perfect time to reassess and reestablish your educational goals, giving you a fresh start in more ways than one. If you’ve been considering a career change, this is the ideal moment to pursue a computer science degree online, which offers the flexibility to study while you settle into your new home. Earning a computer science degree online can open doors to exciting opportunities in the tech industry, providing you with the skills needed for a thriving career. Use this transition as a chance to align your education with your future ambitions.

Get rid of toxic people

A move represents a fresh start, and that includes getting rid of the people in your life who don’t support you or who create a toxic environment. This is an opportunity to surround yourself with positive influences and to cultivate relationships that uplift and inspire you. It’s important for your health β€” both emotional and mental β€” to have control over your relationships, so take a good long look at the people in your life and ask yourself if they are truly a friend. Prioritizing those who genuinely care for your well-being will make your new beginning even more fulfilling.

Get healthy

What’s a fresh start if not a reason to focus on your health? If you’ve already got the mental and emotional sides covered, take a look at your physical health and ask yourself if you could do better. Making a move can be exhausting in more ways than one, so it’s important to find ways to burn off that stress and fatigue. Get familiar with any bike trails, public pools, or gyms you might be interested in and make note of them, so that when you’re feeling low you can give yourself a boost with a good workout; or you can look for ways to get in exercise that don’t feel like exercise. 

Remember that a move can be hard on little ones, so get them involved in your campaign to spruce up and put a positive spin on things. Get them excited for this next chapter by framing it as an adventure, and try to be patient when they express their worries about it.

poetry: words

I wrote this poem in August of 2023.

I’m armed with my notebooks and journals full of poems and stories

what cannot be said aloud will be written in a poem
for better or worse
I have a tendency to process my emotions
in metaphors and verse
and while many wouldn’t call what I write poetry
because I lack technique or an MFA
or whatever else I’m missing
I’m going to keep writing my raw emotions
Down and sharing them
My words hold value,
My words have power
And it has helped and a few other souls
when our feelings lack logical explanations
and reasons
For better or worse I’m going to continue
to tell my story in poetry

poetry: who knows

I wrote this poem in August of 2022.

I still don’t have an answer

the shelf of my bookcase breaks, and my poetry notebooks fall
every single one of my love stories scattered on the floor
Failure after failure
Were any of them worth the effort?
Was the experience worth the suffering?
Maybe it was for the inspiration behind my prose and poetry
and the growth I’ve had
Still, that doesn’t seem like an adequate answer