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Poetry: Love me out LOUD

I wrote this in December of 2021.

me in December of 2021

I’m not meant to be loved behind closed doors
or only at night or kept as your little secret
I’m not meant to be the mistress, the side chick
or your on call whore
I’m not meant to be devoured at your convenience in 2 hour increments
I’m meant to be taken out in public in the daytime
and introduced to your family and friends
I’m meant to be part of your relationship status, your girlfriend,
your partner in crime
I’m meant to be paraded and exhibited everywhere
but most of all I’m meant to be loved out loud

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December Poetry Challenge: Growth

This was my response to prompt #31: One word to describe your year

It’s hard but always well worth it

Growth was uncomfortable and made me want to crawl out of my skin
I had to acknowledge my own toxicity and take accountability
I stopped blaming my parents or exes for my sadness and angst
I held up a mirror to myself and recognized it was me holding myself back
I was the worst villain in my story and never the victim
I chose to turn this story around and confront my trauma head on,
write my demons out-embrace my self-imposed solitary confinement,
throw out my self invalidation, learn self compassion
In order to evolve into a person of value and worth
I let go of anything unhealthy and make sacrifices
by giving up my self-destructive vices
Growth could only happen in solitude and embracing radical honesty

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December Poetry Challenge: Everything Else is Bullshit

This is in response to prompt #22:Something all people should know

me reading this poem out loud at open mic

stop allowing the world tell you who you should be
embrace who are with all of your imperfections
being “flawless ”is a lie sold to us by a consumerist society
who uses our insecurities for profit–
the countless anti aging creams catered to women of a certain age
even more weight loss shakes and gimmicks targeted at everyone
feeding us a false narrative that if we are skinnier or younger
we’ll somehow be an almost perfect ideal of human
be whoever you need be to fit your own brand of happy
everything else is bullshit

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December Poetry Challenge: Shadow Work

This was my response to prompt #22: Something all people should know

me eating my pizza contemplating making a passive aggressive post

Stop shaming your shadow self
trying to constantly shut it down
telling yourself it’s not a part of you
it’s been there since you were a child
acknowledge it, walk with it
Let it be seen, let it be heard
even if that sometimes looks crazy or weird
Let that bitch or asshole out
Otherwise it will consume you

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Poetry: Kyleena

I wrote this in December of 2021 when I got on a new form of hormonal birth control. It’s an understatement to say that it amped up the intensity of my emotions.

I was a mess but at least I was a hot mess…lol

I’ve bled for more than 40 days and 40 nights
but my doctor says I need to grin and bear it
My hormones are in constant flux
I want to die, I want to scream
Is God punishing me for my past sins?
My mood swings are uncontrollable
No matter what I do, I can’t find the calm
Anger, rage, sadness, and despair
are my emotional staples
And within a span of 3 weeks
I write poetry at 3am, crash my car,
and breakup with my friend
When will this madness end?
My doctor says give it 6 more weeks
but my mind and body are losing it
over this 2 inch form of torture
Will the next 6 weeks get calmer?
or will I go down in infamy?

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December Poetry Challenge: The Biggest Lie

This was my response to prompt #25:A thing your life has in excess

I still get mad when it rains though

I lie to myself about my lack of love
The truth is that love is everywhere to be found
My mom who calls to check in on me
My tia who sends me Buenos Días videos
My coworkers who put up with my many moods
My kids who tell me “I got you ma” when I can’t
figure out the latest household gadget
My friends who listen to me without judgment
Love is everywhere I am and it’s time for me
to radically accept it

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December Poetry Challenge: Music to Listen to While You Crochet

Easy E,Tupac, and Dr.Dre calmed me down
when I was lost amidst a nervous breakdown
I couldn’t remember who the fuck I was
or where I came from
then I blasted some Gangsta Rap in my ear
and remembered who the fuck I was
I’m a Queen from the land of the Incas
raised in West L.A and Paradise
I’m made to withstand earthquakes and hurricanes
even when they come disguised as humans
that’s when I turned my grief into anger and rage
and knew I wouldn’t be “just okay”
I would make this my greatest comeback in my life story

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December Poetry Challenge: My Sought Out Rainbow

This was in response to prompt #28: The person you’re always happy to see

me and my youngest son

My son is my light during my darkest of days
He’s a burst of an infectious kind of of good energy
Maybe it’s because he got the best of me
he was loved even before he was thought of
and when he was born
he was more and everything I dreamed of
he was a much sought out rainbow
after the worst of my storms

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December Poetry Challenge: Christmas 2022

This was my response to prompt #20: Favorite winter traditions

nothing says Merry Christmas like these Debbie Cakes

There’s excitement buzzing around the Christmas tree this year
New couples will come up with new corny traditions
Toddlers and dogs will try their luck at tearing down the tree
Parents will try to sneak presents and give credit to that jolly old man
So many memories of love and togetherness are waiting to be made

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December Poetry Challenge: On My Day Off

This was my response to prompt #30: The time of day you prefer

my sunday morning routine

Sunday mornings make me jump out of bed
ready to seize the fuck out of the day
First my overpriced coffee while I blast out
music in my ears and tune the world out
Write, write, write whatever crazy thing
has been lingering in my mind
then I drive to the only place
where I can get fresh bread
I stand in a line full of the local hipsters
for my gluttonous must have
rush back home where I write
and plot more blog content for next month
will there be another playlist?
more angry poetry about an ex
who screwed me over?
or am I changing the narrative
and finally being honest about my recovery
Sunday mornings are always an opportunity
for my creativity to come out in full force
without judgment, without apologies

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December Poetry Challenge: Self Improvement

This was my response to prompt #24: Your Top Priority

I am the ONE

I build the life of my dreams through discipline and hard work
while I appreciate everything I have at this moment
even the minor annoyances
and especially the moments of calm and silence
I’m no longer relegating myself to a side character
or a side chick or a passenger in my life
I’m writer, the master, the driver of the life I’m creating

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December Poetry Challenge: This is Your Fucking Life

This was my response to prompt #29: One thing to do

so much truth

Stop making excuses and take control over your life
no one has power over you-
stop allowing the opinions of other influence you
It’s time to stop with the bullshit and the false stories
Stop living in fear, stop living for others
this is your fucking life
the time is now to start living it authentically

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December Poetry Challenge: Celebration

This was my response to prompt #12: Something to celebrate

I’ll be celebrating with these two homegirls

Tonight I celebrate with friends, with champagne and music
We celebrate how far I’ve come and make a toast
to a future full of potential and promise
we laugh about all my past drama, dance to Taylor Swift and Yung Gravy
and cry with joy about everything good in my life
tonight is a celebration of the life I’ve work hard to build
tonight is a celebration of who I fought hard to become

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December Poetry Challenge: Everything Annoys the Fuck Out of Me

This was my response to prompt #17: The best gift you could receive

me annoyed with everything…lol

God grant me serenity and peace
I hate it when I’m like this
everything annoys the fuck out of me
If I have to see another post about healing or trauma
or my inner child, I’m throwing my phone out the door
it’s not anything or anyone specifically
its these horrible mood swings
They transform me into a salty bitch
who sets fire to everything and everyone
with her pen and paper
at least now I channel my anger into poetry and prose
and no longer self implode
when will serenity and peace come to me permanently
and not just come to visit me temporarily?

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December Poetry Challenge: Will I Finally Understand?

This was my response to prompt #27: A book you want to read

Quote from “The Body Keeps Score”

Will “The Body Keep Score” give me the answers I need
as to why my body still feels past trauma
and why I still have nightmares about people and places
who has caused me harm?
or how when a trauma anniversary comes up
like the day I lost my baby or the day I lost my mind
my body feels extra heavy and my fists are clenched all day
Will I finally understand my body can still feel the pain of trauma
months and even years later when something catastrophic happens to me?