
Yesterday I died but its not what you think
it was the version of me who thought
she needed a man to survive, she needed a man to live
I wrote this poem in March of 2019.

Alone in my solitude
I am again-
trying to get through
My bout of crippling loneliness
When all I want to do is disappear-
and escape from the life I created
The picture perfect life
where everyone and everything
seems to fit in an perfect puzzle
It’s a imperfect perfection
That’s slowly killing me,
breaking parts of my sanity,
Parts of the real me-
where I understand
henrik Ibsen’s protagonists
I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

Sometimes I’m like fuck this healing journey
can I just go back to the woman I used to be
the woman who invited and welcome chaos in
the woman who needed a man to make her feel complete
the woman who bought into society’s conditioning about who she should be
can I just be her for a day or two
To get some perspective as to why this journey is so important to me
I wrote this poem in March of 2022.

He came into my life on a cold february night-
He decided to make a dramatic entrance
on my 24th birthday
He didn’t mean to steal my thunder as he tried
to make his entrance-a month beforehand
But fortunately the doctors stopped
his almost too sudden arrival
But that cold February night-
was the right time for him
I wanted to go the natural route
but he had other plans with the horrible pain he caused
EPIDURAL PLEASE-LIKE RIGHT NOW
OR I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GETTING
THIS CHILD OUT
Within minutes he was out and once again
I was in love but this time with the life I created
I wrote this poem in March of 2023.

I stumble and fall all the time
but no one knows about it
I’m great at masking my pain
with makeup, pretty dress, and statuses
about how I’m living my best life
when in reality, I fantasize about disappearing
into a black hole
because life feels like a terrible chore
that messes with my sensitive soul
I wrote this in February of 2019

Mother of three
What does that even mean?
Responsibilities, obligations, duties
Alcohol and going out are taboo for me
Songs of sacrifices and martyrdom
Are the tunes I hum
Dinner with friends and late
Night concerts are just WRONG!
Soccer games and play dates
Are my important dates
No time to spend
With my lifetime mates?
Mother of three,
Will I ever be free?
I wrote this poem in February of 2023.

I fall in love and obsessed over these concepts over who I should be,
over who I should love, over who I should mirror
I read and read books on BPD, mental health, and trauma constantly
I take advice from influencers, poets, and psychologists on social media
Seriously thinking this is how I heal, this is how I become healthy
but that’s a lie-
while everything I do helps me
I need to listen to my intuition more
I need to trust myself more
and acknowledge I’m doing enough
and come to an understanding I am on my heroine’s journey
that’s unique only to me
honor my truth within me, accept it, and that’s how I begin to really heal