
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?





When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?




escribΓ este poema en Marzo de 2024.

la ira y furia de mis antepasados femeninas viven en mi
ellas me visitan en sueΓ±os y me mandan mensajes
que cuentan sus historias, sus verdades aunque duelan,
aunque algunas me llamaran sΓ‘dica y dramΓ‘tica
ellas me inquietan y me dicen
es tiempo de gritar todas las injusticias
y trastornos vividow
que nuestras muertes no han sido en vano
y aunque lloro y trato de ignorar la llamada de la sangre
es inevitable-fui escogida-
para sus venganzas, para sus historias de redenciΓ³n
Whatβs something most people donβt understand?


this poem is inspired by the 2007 poem “small”

canβt blend in with this privileged world
wrong age, wrong last name, wrong ethnicity
I stand destined for failure
on this institutions steps
as the pressure to succeeds hang around me
like a noose around my neck
and yet I still keep going
and show up every day
if only to teach my kids a lesson
in how to keep going when you want to quit
I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

for almost three years Iβve been waiting for the next guy to appear
as some kind of hero, as some kind of reward for all of my effort
Iβve put into myself and the life Iβve built
Subconsciously I did this
Even as I publicly roared about being empowered on my own
I still wanted someone to be my sanctuary to lay my love in
And I wrote, manifested, schemed, flirted
got obsessed with men were just meant to be friends
Thinking, gosh, if I hang on long enough, heβll come around
this might work out
but today I discovered the only hero for me
is the woman in the mirror
who still manages to get out of bed
even on the bad days when sheβs too tired to function
when sheβs exhausted by all of it
here’s the english version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12311
clavos sobre el ataΓΊd del futuro que querΓa
ni un prΓncipe azul
ni una casita propia y bonita
en vez mirΓ³ fijamente al caΓ±Γ³n de la pobreza
tratando de buscar algo brillo de lo que alguna fui
entre mis mucho sueΓ±os olvidados
I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

any idea or notion of romance is lost to me
Iβve tried every which way to make myself appetizing
edible for men to take interest in me, love me
but the story always turns sour
and Iβm tired of rejection followed by bouts
of tears and insanity
this spring I will not spend my energy
trying to manifest another fool Iβll get obsessed about
or get caught up in my head and daydreams
this spring Iβm going to concentrate
only on my potential thatβs yet to bloom
Focus of the world of creativity
that resides within waiting to get out
this poem was inspired by the 2007 “dreams part 2”
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12305

nail on the coffin on the future I wanted
no prince charming
no house with the white picket fence
instead I stare down at the barrel of poverty
trying to find a glimmer of who I used to be
among my many forgotten dreams
I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

last time I had my last first kiss
it was wasted on a middle age scorpio
I wore a cute summer dress with red lipstick
along with my feminine charm
I didnβt have to lay it on thick for him to desire me
for him to want to kiss me
he wouldβve fuck me I hadnβt been on my period
his hands roamed almost every inch of my body
as if it belong to him for the 5 minutes we made out
while I dissociated and pretended I was somewhere else
I was numb and devoid of feeling anything
Am I even a person?
He said things about how I was so hot and sexy
and how sad it was that couldnβt screw me
And I laughed flirtatiously following the script
Iβve had since I could remember
and I felt no desire or any pleasure
if anything I was repulsed
by him, by myself
hating how even at 40,
I was still pulling the same bullshit since I was 16
making myself an object of desire for me to play with
and then something snapped in me that day
a couple of hours after that date
I sent him a snap along with all the other 7 dudes
I was entertaining and keeping as options
the same message,
βIβm sorry, Iβm not in a place to date or even
to have men as friends, I wish you the bestβ
it was hard as I had always been addicted
to menβs attention and validation
but something told me it was time
to switch the narrative
even though I knew it would be lonely
Happy World Poetry day! Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot about how my relationship with poetry has changed the past few years. I’ve always said poetry-reading and writing it has been a type of therapy for me. And while, this is still true, this relationship has evolved in me finding community with other poets online and in real life. I’m actually really lucky that I’m able to call a few of them my friends. This community has also helped me become a better poet in many ways. With all that being said, I wanted to share a few poems I’ve written about this community and how it’s impacted me.
tonight
we gather here tonight
to share the most vulnerable parts of ourselves
through poems written on a whim, in cars,
inspired by dreams and tragedies
and everything in between
some of it will be meaningful
some of it will be nonsense
most of the time, it will be someone
trying to make sense of the world
with a few phrases and sentences
clumsily strung together
and calling it poetry
1/2/24

finding community in athens
when I finally took myself seriously as a poet and writer, I was 40
before that I thought I was some cute and crazy girl
who used poetry and stories to express on paper
whatever she couldnβt burden loved ones with
but now at 40, between the july heat and mental health diagnosis
I had a nervous breakdown
and I used my creativity to get through it
so I started blogging and used my poetry as content
I had no idea anyone would like it, resonate with it
and subscribe to it
and after a year, I went back to open mic
and keep going and bared my most vulnerable
and intimate thoughts
this lead to me finding community with the local
poets of Athens
and itβs what I had always wanted but was always
too scared, too insecure to seek out
and also too busy with everything else in my life
but one day I got tired and finally embraced the fire
of my creativity
and decided to share the artist in me with the world
once I did that, I created a community
and eventually found a community of writers and poets
who accept me, encourage me, and inspire me
2/20/24

safe harbor
I landed in my safe harbor after I almost drowned
and Iβm greeted by strangers who welcome
me with open arms
they donβt turn away or tell me Iβm too much
when I tell them my lore of trauma through poetry
they applaud me, they accept me,
they encourage me
theyβre the sanctuary Iβve been searching for
since I can remember
these strangers who call themselves poets
have now become my chosen family

I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

I hate it when I catch myself being unintentionally sweet
It makes me feel vulnerable and weak
Itβs almost as if my armor of empowered Queen
is breaking and I canβt allow that to happen
Iβve come too far in my heroineβs journey
to allow romantic daydreams
to disrupt it
And Iβm tempted to erase his messages
And block him
Itβs not his fault or mine
Itβs the faulty wiring in my brain
it causes the logic in me to short circuit
every time I talk to him
here’s the English version of this poem:
https://lifeonthebpd.com/?p=12220
agujas agudas de agonΓa penetra mi mente y cuerpo
me siento super debil
cubierta en una frazada de derrota
I wrote this poem in March of 2024.

you were a dead end street
that I didnβt see until
it unraveled me
Until it was too late
and I didnβt want to turn around
and kept going
and eventually I crashed
in the most magnificent
and catastrophic of ways
and I burned and burned
until I was ashes
and rose up in the most
spectacular rebirth
anyone had witnessed
since Jesus