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Obsession

Daily writing prompt
What are you passionate about?
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My yen to better myself is has become an obsession
causing me constant frustration
being so self aware of my unhealthy patterns
leads me to self flagellation
Oh another poem about how I’m so toxic
or I’m a perpetual love addict
or I do everything wrong when it comes to love
When will I reach a point of enough
Enough with pointing out my faults
Enough of feeling my self imposed emotional claws
Enough of acting like I’m a monster
and how I’m consumed by anger
I know that healing means being self aware
but there’s gotta be something on the other side
of this constant despair

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: model

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

my son wants to be a model and I worry about what this means for him
in my eyes I think he’s perfect the way he is
in one year he went from my cherub angel to a handsome lanky stranger
but he thinks he still needs a lot of work
so he goes on nightly runs until he’s breathless
lifts weights he borrows from his older brother
applies all kinds of lotions to try to get rid of little blemishes
He tells me, “I already have the perfect personality,
now I just need the perfect body and I nod in grief,
“already at 13, he feels that heaviness of the unrealistic standards
of beauty placed on him

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Poetry: Labyrinth

the labyrinth of love made me lose who I was for a while
I used to base my sense of self on who loved me or who didn’t-
and thought I need a lover to feel whole
after every breakup, I had a breakdown
and it felt like an eternal labyrinth of despair
I couldn’t find my way out of
it was like the most complicated of Borges stories
caught in a complex maze of misunderstanding and intricacies
of my own mind
and for a while it felt like I’d never get out-
until faith shone a light on me
and it drove me out of the labyrinth of despair
and into a clear path of compassion and self love

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: bothered

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

trying to not be bothered

when I’m bothered, when I’m embarrassed, when my inner critic
starts knocking on my mind’s door
the best thing I can do is reapply my lipstick, write some angry señora poetry
Remember the goddess that I am, and take my power back
I’m not some stupid and weak little bitch some people perceive me to be
(that narrative ended at age 40)
now, I take the disrespect and insults with grace
keep my composure, pretend I’m unbothered
even as I fume inside
I still keep on going
I won’t make a big fuss or call anyone out
that story usually ends with me being gaslit and called crazy
instead I adhere to the age old adage “aqui no paso nada”
Really being the opposite which is everything
my anger, rage, grief being the fuel to become better
to prove to myself and others
I’m not the mentally unstable bitch society perceives me to be

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: when

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

trying find balance among the chaos

lately life has been a most unfortunate chain of events
and my universe is upside down
can’t tell which way is up, which way is down
I just want relief from this elephant of pressure
that sits on my chest
I know that it will get better
I know a sudden rush of clarity will come after this
but the not knowing when is killing me

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: bomb

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

so annoying

the bomb of my insanity explodes and I try my best
to do damage control
tell my paranoid inner child not everyone’s out to get me
but it’s too late and I fall once again under the spell of depression
I try every single coping mechanism and it’s futile
I just need to sit and acknowledge my inner critic
and the dark and intrusive thoughts that come up
Understand and accept that shit is temporary
there will be better times ahead
for now it’s just annoying

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Poetry: sensitive

So sensitive 🥺

I try my best to try to trust the divine time of the universe
but on days like today I just want to disappear
under the covers of my bed
it’s not that I’m depressed I just need time
to myself and not be surrounded by everyone’s
bullshit
about capitalism, society’s ills, and how we all need to heal-
it all feels so repetitive like we’re all barely treading water
waking up with existential dread wondering
which catastrophe or tragedy comes next
it’s hard for someone as sensitive as me to keep functioning
to keep living under stress and duress of life
and the world’s toxicity
so on days like today I just want to disappear
under the covers of my bed

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry:not right now

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

trying to be logical

love will have to wait while i switch the gears from survival mode to triunfadora mode
right now I can only concentrate on existing and putting one foot in front of another
right now I only have the energy and time to focus on myself
and digging myself out of the latest catastrophe I find myself in
right now is not the time for crushes or new relationships
it wouldn’t be fair to him to invite him into my current chaos
right now I stand alone, get myself together
before trying to fall into the magic of love again

Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: timid

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

in the thick of my depression

I feel timid lately and want to hide in a tomb
the kind of tomb you’d find on the grounds
in some decrepit motel
there I wouldn’t have to function at all
there I could get lost in my thoughts
and make up scenarios in my head
There’s no one’s energy would impact me
in a way that makes me feel hopeless and worthless

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: Hysteria

I wrote this poem in August of 2022.

me in August of 2022

guilt and despair fills you up from the pain you’ve caused
and you’re in the thick fog of darkness
so you write poetry and cry and idealize death
because in your time-therapy was still a new thing
and the cure for your hysteria was a lobotomy
and there was no such thing as DBT
and no one to tell you that feelings are temporary

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poetry: olympic sport

I wrote this poem in August of 2024.

big mood

if self sabotage was an olympic sport, I’d win the gold medal
so many times I’d been close to reaching my potential
only to screw it up later
maybe it’s the insecure and anxious little girl
who still lives within me
who’s scared of conquering fears and chasing her dreams
I need to figure out a way to quell her
to give her closure and peace so she’ll let me be
live in peace and stop sabotaging everything

Posted on by pattytacuri · 3 Comments

Poetry: My Love Costs All the Pretty Things

I wrote this poem in August of 2022.

goals -in my fur coat

Give me a man who will buy me everything
and I will accommodate to him-
Because unlike JLo my love costs all the pretty things
dresses, jewelry, vacations in the caribbean
give it all to me and you can be my king
because if I’m going to be treated like shit by a man
in a relationship, at least let it be on a cruise ship