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On Year 13

The vibe of the blog: Cringe and vulnerable

Happy 13 years of blogging to ME! This blog is now as old as my youngest child. And just like him, it’s had some growing pains as well. So, just to recap, here’s how it started:

Hola/Hello

And here’s how years, 10,11.12 have gone:

A Decade of Blogging
Happy 11 Years of Blogging
12 years of blogging–WHAT!!!

In year 12, I kept the same format and kept telling my story through poetry and so far it’s still working. Year 12 has been somewhat tricky and challenging given some extenuating personal circumstances so I didn’t experiment with the blog the way I had wanted to. However, I will say that I am glad I’m still here telling my story my way. At times when things have looked bleaked for me and I just about wanted to throw in the towel and kind of give up, creating content for this blog has kept me grounded and kept me going through my darkest of days . I also did add a couple of more playlists this year which captures my life the last couple of years:

Playlist: I wish I were HEATHER
Lover Girl Playlist-Ew Crush Season

I’m so very thankful for my followers and anyone who reads my little blog. It means the world to me that a lot of you are all still here following my chaotic storytelling with one day posting about wanting to be a “yung gravy’s groupie” and then a few days later posting about “contemplating life at the convent”. I feel so loved by an online community who finds me entertaining and accepts me for the often chaotic mess that I can be. I’m very grateful for y’all and so humbled by your support. If I wasn’t so medicated, I’d cry tears of gratitude.

Here’s one of my most favorite poems I wrote this year:

Happy Poetry Month! Napowrimo-Day 12

With all that being said, I’m not sure what the future looks like for the blog. I know that in 2025, I wanted to rebrand and rename it because I feel like I’ve outgrown the whole “I have BPD, and that’s the most interesting thing about me” storyline. I was going to do it this year, but well, life happened, and I just didn’t have time. With all that being said, I am going to give y’all a peek into what 2024 looked like for me with the 12 days of Patty: Poetry Edition starting on the 20th of this month. Here’s hoping that I continue with this little passion project of mine that’s saved me more times than I can count from falling into the abyss. Here’s manifesting a year of growth and love for the blog, for me, and for anyone who’s reading this post. Also, if y’all have any suggestions for a new name for the blog, let me know. And as always, I am open to collaborations with any content creators out there who feel like my blog would be a good fit for them. Speaking of collaborations, I was most fortunate to be interviewed by my friend J.R Barner for his newsletter and here’s a link to his newsletter for y’all to sign up for it:https://www.jrbarner.com/

and read his newsletter that I highly recommend. So to end this blog post, I’ll leave you with a link to one of my more hopeful poems about why I continue to tell my story.

poetry: message

Here’s my contact info:

Contact Info
Posted on by pattytacuri

poetry: future

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

It’s a beautiful life like Ace of Base said

the future of me is not written yet
I have to understand that
all I can do is write for her
who will still question her existence
or why things happened the way they did
or what the fuck happened to her
I know myself too well
it doesn’t matter how far I’m in my self discovery journey
I’ll always have questions
Its my insatiable curiosity
I can only hope that the future me has leaned into self love
More than ever before and still understands
she and her kids are her top priorities
Anyone else is expendable in her little universe of love

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: browsing for potential on tinder

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

this is me for real—

I swipe and swipe on anyone who looks appetizing,
on anyone who looks interesting
and then the messages swarm in-
I must be honey to the bees who buzz and buzz around me
and I’m not impressed
Hey, beautiful says the guy with his catch of day
in his profile pic –
Are you DTF? Says the zoomer almost young enough
to be my son-ew-blocked
insert a pretentious line with a quote
From a Wallace Stevens poem ,  it’s the Genxer
who’s gross-ethically non monogamous-
I must not have been paying attention
while I was swiping
And the messages keep coming
And I’m overwhelmed by the amount of them
and underwhelmed by quality of them
and I’m nauseated and want to vomit
at the thought of giving any of these men
an ounce of my energy
maybe a past version of me
would have given them a chance
but this new and empowered version of me
Nah, none of them seem worthy
so I deactivate my profile
and uninstall the app
Understand I’m too evolved to find love online
and put my trust in the universe that one day
The right guy will find me
and I won’t even have to try
and until that time comes,
I’ll keep being an independent Peruvian Queen
Focusing on myself and my kids
without any mediocre energy
trying to intervene

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: bullshit

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

just imagine

It’s time to say goodbye to the notion of love
I know I’ve said this more times than I can count
but this time, I really mean it
lately, I prefer my life of solitude
the one where I’m my own hero, my own savior
And I don’t wait for anyone to validate my worth
it’s so calm, it’s so peaceful
it’s actually bullshit
the romantic girl in me can’t be cured

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poetry: tearing off my princess skin

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

best believe it when I tell you, I’m a Queen

the breakup was always a larger than life event in my mind
because of the catastrophic pain it caused
because it was someone I thought could be my forever
so when he gave me the electronic pink slip
I used it as a catalyst for change
I broke away with my idea of what made me attractive
and accessible to men, and  instead, I focused on what made me feel good about myself
and learned to accept myself as the complicated and crazy
woman that I am
I finally understood I was always a Queen
Underneath layers of princess skin
Armed myself with poetry and confidence
that breakup changed me like previous breakups did
however, this one was the key to the transformation
I needed to become the woman I was always meant to be

Posted on by pattytacuri · 7 Comments

poetry: confession

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

just a girl enjoying her sandwich

I listen to the universe without a hint of defiance
I listen carefully and with intention
to understand my next blessing
and the message is, continue to be vulnerable
with the world
you’re leaving a blueprint for the next one
keep leaning into your craziest and most authentic self
there’s someone somewhere who’s paying attention
and may be falling in love with you one poem at a time
but too scared to make a confession

Posted on by pattytacuri

resilience

me and one of my favorite uncles who helped raised my papi
Daily writing prompt
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
View all responses

The Duartes

my family is quiet about their sorrows
they put up a mask of strength and resilience
its not that they hide their tragedies
they talk about it openly
but heal with energy from the trees,
with their busy and monotonous routines
on their farm
with the understanding that terrible things happen
in their lives and finding resilience
in the most extenuating of tragedies
in order to move forward

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: towards the moon

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

me contemplating that drive towards the moon

me and my ex drive towards the moon in silence
accepting we were always meant to be friends
no longer harboring resentment about our failed story of romance
Focusing on the long road ahead of us
Divorced and raising kids in a world full of oxymorons,
in a world that will try to make them fit
into unrealistic expectations of what it means to be human
me and my ex drive towards the moon in silence
putting away our differences and any conflicts
And putting our childrens’ best interest first
understanding they’re the best thing
to come out of the failure of us

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: sorry for sleeping with your husband

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

I was barely just surviving- Conan Gray

sorry for sleeping with your husband
I was raised better than to covet my neighbor’s spouse
I knew better than to listen to my impulsive and drunk hormones
and while I could say I was caught up in the moment
of music and alcohol
it’s not an excuse for the sin I committed
it’s a misdeed that I still regret 22 years later
because I hate to think that maybe I was the final straw
that broke up your marriage
because guilt sits at the bottom of my stomach
wondering if I wrecked an otherwise happy home
and ruined an epic love story
and if it eases your mind
karma did get me in the end
I married the wrong person
and suffered through toxic codependency and polyamory
Eventually having a mental breakdown
because of how overwhelming it all got
and ending up divorced with me alone
without any romantic prospects
I learned 22 years too late
what is done secretly and illicitly in the heat of the moment
comes back later to haunt you
comes back to haunt your subconscious in dreams
until you’re ready to acknowledge it and make amends

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poetry: ayahuasca ceremony for $900 in South Carolina

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

my culture is not up for appropriation, my culture is not up for colonizers to profit off from it
I can hear my ancestors cursing in their graves
haunting white people in their dreams over the atrocity they’re committing
it’s blasphemous to use their most sacred ceremony for the business of “healing”
why must white people in 2023 continue to steal from the indigenous community?
it’s the same white people who forced assimilation on us
the same white people who made us give up our religion and traditions
the same white people who shamed us for our indigenous traits
and the reason I don’t know how to speak quechua today
why can’t the white man stay in his lane instead of trying to profit from our culture
and the insecurities of others
how is it possible that in this day and age
these so called enlightened and elitist whites are still fucking over the indigenous community?

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: no one likes fat girls, the spam bot says

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

just a girl sucking it in for the camera

even the spambot body shames me
and I hate my body all over again
wanting to eviscerate that pudge
that’s been there since after my first son
hiding the flappy wings of my upper arms
wondering why God gave me my stupid curves
I’m constantly trying to hide
and every excess of skin I see in the mirror
That makes me wish I’d cease to exist
why can’t I be a skinny white girl?
instead of this pudgy mess of a woman
with body dysmorphia
who still uses the scale to determine
her WORTH

Posted on by pattytacuri · 1 Comment

poetry: anything can be a poem

I wrote this poem in December of 2023.

I’m just a girl making poetry out of you

I have a bad habit of making poetry out of almost anything
it’s annoying, it’s cringe, and downright embarrassing at times
how shameless I can be
it teethers between the line of genius and insanity
This monster of creativity of mine
from trauma to my kids to childhood memories
To the latest villain in my story to office supplies
To my dreams to the trees to the clouds
To my kroger apron to energy drinks
To that ex from my 20s
No one and nothing is saved from being used
as a fountain of inspiration for my creativity
Sometimes it’s a curse, sometimes it’s a blessing
Most of the time, it’s just downright entertaining