Poetry: War

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

Old insecurities come to visit me again,
they shake up my newly acquired confidence
they tell me I’m not smart enough and I’ll never be truly loved
They tell me the only thing I have going for me is how sexy I can be
Otherwise I’m a waste of a person because of my bpd
And I try to shut it all down and not once again drown
Because I have made so much progress and have come so far
Only to once again fight an anxiety and depression war
but it’s daunting and exhausting not to let the negativity get to me
So here I go once again, trying to calm down my brain
from negative and intrusive thoughts by covering myself with self-love

Poetry: Overturning Roe vs Wade

I wrote this in May of 2022.

facts

Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face
it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare
of reproductive imprisonment
because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs
birth control pills and a patch
because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters
scared for the generations of women who come after me
and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding
at a loss for how this could happen
a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes
while we were distracted with the modernity of society
a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s

I need to slow down but….

Daily writing prompt
What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?
2nd job life be like…

I’m constantly working without any breaks or any hints of rest

because I thrive on being productive

I’m happiest when I’m filled with purpose

and I don’t stop  because it keeps me moving forward

it keeps me from not feeling anything

but at  what cost?

my hips and knees scream at me 

and I’m addicted to energy drinks

my mind tells me to slow down, rest, 

and process my emotions

but I’d rather keep hustling, keep moving

rather than to deal with the intensity of my feelings

Poetry: My Bad Luck

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

People say I shouldn’t give up on love
and it’s really just my bad luck
But how do I explain
How love makes me insane
It’s not the men I pick
It’s really me, me, me
I’ll become the version they want me to be
thinking they’ll stay with me-
behave, swallow my words, hide my anger,
implode on myself in the privacy of my journal
but keep my mask of sweet princess on-
but this never last for long
something always happens
it’s just a matter of when
when will I get tired of hiding who I am
and start being erratic and crazy
When will they get tired of my bullshit
and decided to leave
and almost always, this ends up
as an emotional catastrophe for me
so I’ve come up with a solution
I’m going to make my newfound solitude
a haven, a sanctuary to fall into
give myself as much time as I need
to enjoy the gift on my own company
understanding that this isn’t an ending
but rather a brand new beginning for me
to write and edit my own unconventional love story

Poetry: Tae Kwon Do Class

I wrote this poem in June of 2022 inspired by my youngest son.

me and my youngest in April of this year

At Tae Kwon Do class my son kicks
with a determined look on his face
It’s strength and resilience inherited from me
and his ancestors
It’s a competitive spirit passed down
generation after generation
from people that had to fight to compete
to survive and it fill me with excitement and pride
because even at ten my son shows traits
from his ancestral warriors

Poetry: Fighting with My Teenage Son

I wrote this poem in October of 2022 inspired by my middle son.

me and my middle child in March of 2022

Me and my teenage son fight and I regret it the next day
I’ve watched too many people mourn their sons this year
I’ve felt the screams of those close to me
asking God why he took their babies too young
Young men who will never be fathers,
Young men who will never see their children grow up
into rebellious and sassy teens
and while I understand conflicts happens between
parent and child
I also know we’re both on borrowed time
and I don’t want our angry words
to be the last exchange between us
if its his or my last day today

Poetry: What is Love

Happy Mother’s Day! I wrote this poem in April of last year inspired by my sons.

us in May of 2022

finding someone to love used to be a priority
until love burned me one too many times
besides I’ve always had 3 somebodies to love
that always deserved all of my attention
with them I’m never alone
with them there will always be inspiration
with them my love overflows
at this point, it would be useless for anyone to compete
with this complete kind of love

Poetry: Homework

I wrote this poem in May of 2022.

me after walking/running in the rain

In therapy I’m supposed to write about the last thing that cause me grief
and I think it’s funny considering the tons of poetry and journal entries
I’ve written about it
I’m tired of writing about it, I’m tired of talking about it
I’m tired of thinking about it
and I want to tell my therapist I don’t have homework for this week
but this is part of therapy
this is what I need to address the unhealed trauma within
so I’ll write for the 1000th time about the last thing that caused trauma and grief
hoping my therapist will provide valuable insight on how to let go of it

Happy International Nurse’s Day !

Happy international Nurse’s Day to all the nurses and especially my favorite nurse, my sister. We’ve had a complicated relationship through most of my life but within the past few years, our relationship has gotten a lot better. I have more to say about this but that calls for a longer blog post in the future. Today, I want to honor her for being the awesome human being that she is. Below is a picture of us at a concert we went in July of 2022 and a poem I wrote in December of 2021 when she turned 47.

me and my sister in July of 2022

To My Sister On Her 47th birthday

you’re 3 years away 50
but still look like you’re in your 30’s
Has anyone told you how amazing you are?
Have our parents loved you out loud?

I’ve always admired you for your fortitude and resilience
but wish for you to have peace and an opportunity to be soft

I get it though –
It is hard to be soft in
a society that expects you resemble a tower of strength,
where you take care of everyone first and put yourself last
It was something you had to learn at a young age

you used to be the
Villian in my book at times,
but lately I think of you as the victim
and the victor_

You’re a victim of life-
the victim because of the pressure
you were put under for being the oldest
the victim for being a woman of color
in a racist and sexist society

But you’re also the victor-
the victor never giving up-
no matter how fucked up life got for you
the victor for facing shit head on without any fucks
and with an intimidating confidence (maybe that’s why I was jealous)

oh sister of mine,
on your 47th year-I hope.
you get to sit and enjoy
the wonderful life you’ve created

Poetry: The Woke “SJW”

I wrote this poem in May of 2022 inspired by this “woke” white woman. Lol.

you’re nothing but a selfish and narcissistic attention whore
constantly craving the limelight
by posting long and stupid ridden Facebook statuses
about the “truth” of the injustice you see
injecting yourself as the voice of minorities
it all unveils your world of deep seated insecurities
and the irony of all of this is should you know better
since you’re a therapist
but apparently you’re still dumb as fuck
It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have-you still reek of ignorance

Prevent Anxiety and Enjoy Life to the Fullest

Image via Pexels

Prevent Anxiety and Enjoy Life to the Fullest

by Julia Mitchell

Anxiety can affect your long-term health. It can limit your ability to exert control, paralyze you, and make you feel helpless. In fact, according to a study by the Global Burden of Disease, depression is the sixth-leading cause of disability. Fortunately, there are things you can do to prevent anxiety attacks. Here are just a few, presented below by Life on the BPD.

Spend Time Outdoors

Spending more time outdoors can reduce anxiety and stress. Your brain receives more oxygen when you breathe in the fresh air, resulting in increased levels of serotonin — the neurotransmitter that alters your mood. Simply walking to the store for milk can lower your levels of cortisol, a stress-causing chemical in your body.  

You’re more likely to feel tired at night if you spend more time outdoors during the day. The better sleep you get at night, the less anxiety you’ll experience the following day. 

Find a More Rewarding Job

Many people find themselves in jobs that they do not enjoy which causes anxiety. If you are one of these people, it may be time to start looking for a more rewarding job. When searching for a new job, think about what you are looking for in a job and consider your interests and skills. 

Once you have a good idea of what you want, begin your search by looking at job postings online. Take the time to update your resume with your latest skills and experience. This free resume may help you get started. You can use this – or similar – templates, which you can modify by adding your own fonts, colors, and images. It will give you a great start to refreshing your current resume.

You may find that, instead of a new job, you’re more interested in a new career with new possibilities. In that case, consider going back to school. There are plenty of reputable, accredited schools with online degree and certification programs, so you can complete coursework on your own time. This page deserves a look if you are interested in technology-related certifications, like CompTIA A+, Cloud+, or Operations Specialist.

Keep an Anxiety Journal

Recording your daily stress and anxiety levels through an anxiety journal is a simple and guided process. Writing them down helps you identify triggers and negative situations that cause your anxiety. So where do you start?

  • Write down your concerns. Write down any immediate concerns you have. Describe them in detail while remembering that with anxiety, it’s not always about what’s happening in the here and now but what’s on the horizon.
  • Review what you’ve written. Ask yourself questions along the lines of: what are the odds of this happening? How do you know? Are you certain? How could you change a negative into a positive if your worries materialize?
  • Rewrite the script. Write down one or more ways to approach a thought or fear differently. Next to your fears, write down different possibilities, and create new endings.

These are just a few ideas to get you started on your anxiety journal. VeryWell Mind explains that writing in your journal daily helps you better understand your anxiety and hopefully prevents future anxiety attacks. 

Create a Happy and Clutter-Free Environment

Your anxiety levels may increase if your family constantly argues, complains, and is overly critical. You can relieve tension in your home by creating a welcoming and vibrant space. Open your windows to let in the fresh air, declutter, and do a deep clean to bring positivity.  

It helps if you optimize your workspace to avoid work-related stress. Rather than sitting in a traditional office chair for long periods, try an ergonomic one. They help keep your body safe and upright to reduce stress on the spine and neck. Insufficient office lighting can reduce energy, dampen mood, and cause eyestrain. Position your desk so that your back is facing the window. You’ll benefit from the light and avoid distractions. In the absence of natural light in your workspace, you can create the illusion of natural window lighting using light colors, such as white and cream, on the walls. 

Start Living Again

Having anxiety can prevent you from leading a normal life. You can get so worked up about an upcoming event that when it arrives, you’re a nervous wreck. Or the simple idea of doing things becomes overwhelming. Anxiety can be debilitating, but there are strategies you can use to calm yourself and lower your anxiety levels. Start by spending some time outside every day (if possible) and use an anxiety journal to help process your feelings. And if your job – or career – isn’t working for you, build a new resume and find a new opportunity. This is your life. Don’t let your anxious mind control it for you.

Life can be challenging, but it’s better to experience it together. Life on the BPD is my attempt to share my challenges to make others feel less alone – and to process my own experiences. Visit my website today to join our community.

Poetry: Earth to Eliza

I wrote this poem in May 2022.

I’d rather live in music, daydreams, and fantasies
than face the monotony and routine of real life
who wants to deal with spreadsheets
when I can get lost in dreams about finding the one
who wants to answer to karen’s idiotic questions
when I got taylor swift on repeat
who wants to open and read another email
about another stupid workplace policy
when I can fantasize about the best sex
I had the a few nights ago
real life is too boring for me
when I have music, daydreams, and fantasies
waiting to inspire the writer in me

5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder

5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder by Julia Mitchell

After receiving a bipolar diagnosis, you may be wondering what the best course of action is in order to manage the condition while tending to your daily obligations. How will you cope with your symptoms and lead a fulfilling life? Here are some strategies you should discuss with your healthcare professional:     

Stick to Your Treatment Plan

Once you’ve been diagnosed as bipolar, your physician will prescribe medication and put you on a treatment plan. But since there are no one-size-fits-all drugs when it comes to treating this condition, you’ll have to go through a bit of a trial-and-error period before you get on the right dosage. Through it all, try to be patient and persistent. Do not get discouraged, and stick with your treatment plan until you start seeing results. And don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to your doctor if you feel something isn’t working as it should.

Focus On Your Sleep

Lack of sleep and poor sleep quality can exacerbate symptoms for people with bipolar disorder. So strive to stick to a bedtime routine that will promote a restful night. Avoid heavy foods, caffeine, and alcohol too close to bedtime. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; having a relaxing ritual like a soothing bath, a cup of chamomile tea, reading, or meditating can help get you into a more relaxed state. Turn off your screens and smartphone at least 30 minutes before you lie down for the night. And keep the temperature at a comfortable level to help you stay asleep longer.    

Work on Your Career Plan

A fulfilling and rewarding career can help keep symptom activators and triggers at bay, and establishing healthy relationships with coworkers and colleagues who share the same passion will help you thrive at your job. If teaching younger generations is your calling, find an accredited online school with competitive rates and check this program that will lead to a bachelor’s education degree. Pursuing a degree online allows you to take classes when it’s most convenient for you and your family, so you can fit them into your busy life without feeling stressed out.  

Take Time for Self-Care

Between family and work obligations, you may feel pulled in a multitude of directions. You can start feeling stressed out, angry, and like you’re losing control of your life. And when you suffer from bipolar disorder, you’re either too busy to take time for yourself or too depressed to do anything for yourself. So try to stick to one project at a time, and learn to say no or to delegate to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And when you’re feeling down, make sure to go outside to get some fresh air, meet with some friends, and indulge in things that make you happy.  

Start a Side Business

If pursuing a favorite hobby helps you manage your bipolar symptoms, think about ways you can turn this enjoyable pastime into a small business of your own. There are online resources to help you get started, such as LLC formation services which will walk you through all the legal ins and outs of structuring and launching a business. By using such a service, you won’t need to hire a lawyer to get all the tax benefits offered by a limited liability company.  

If you’ve been recently diagnosed, ask your therapist for strategies that will make living with bipolar disorder and coping with symptoms easier. Learn to recognize your triggers, take time for self-care, and develop a toolbox of skills and activities to help stabilize your mood. 

Have you or a loved one been diagnosed with a bipolar or borderline personality disorder? You’re not alone! Please follow my healing journey at lifeonthebpd.com.   

Image via Pixabay

Julia Mitchell is a career and finance writer. Check out her work at http://www.outspiration.net