Old insecurities come to visit me again, they shake up my newly acquired confidence they tell me I’m not smart enough and I’ll never be truly loved They tell me the only thing I have going for me is how sexy I can be Otherwise I’m a waste of a person because of my bpd And I try to shut it all down and not once again drown Because I have made so much progress and have come so far Only to once again fight an anxiety and depression war but it’s daunting and exhausting not to let the negativity get to me So here I go once again, trying to calm down my brain from negative and intrusive thoughts by covering myself with self-love
Overturning my right to choose feels like a slap to my face it is my american dream of liberty turned into a nightmare of reproductive imprisonment because of my 3 unplanned pregnancies, because of my 4 IUDs birth control pills and a patch because I am a woman scared for my niece, for my future granddaughters scared for the generations of women who come after me and I sit here at a complete loss for words and understanding at a loss for how this could happen a fundamental right ripped from right before our eyes while we were distracted with the modernity of society a fundamental right ripped from us that will take us back to the 1950’s
People say I shouldn’t give up on love and it’s really just my bad luck But how do I explain How love makes me insane It’s not the men I pick It’s really me, me, me I’ll become the version they want me to be thinking they’ll stay with me- behave, swallow my words, hide my anger, implode on myself in the privacy of my journal but keep my mask of sweet princess on- but this never last for long something always happens it’s just a matter of when when will I get tired of hiding who I am and start being erratic and crazy When will they get tired of my bullshit and decided to leave and almost always, this ends up as an emotional catastrophe for me so I’ve come up with a solution I’m going to make my newfound solitude a haven, a sanctuary to fall into give myself as much time as I need to enjoy the gift on my own company understanding that this isn’t an ending but rather a brand new beginning for me to write and edit my own unconventional love story
I wrote this poem in June of 2022 inspired by my youngest son.
me and my youngest in April of this year
At Tae Kwon Do class my son kicks with a determined look on his face It’s strength and resilience inherited from me and his ancestors It’s a competitive spirit passed down generation after generation from people that had to fight to compete to survive and it fill me with excitement and pride because even at ten my son shows traits from his ancestral warriors
I wrote this poem in October of 2022 inspired by my middle son.
me and my middle child in March of 2022
Me and my teenage son fight and I regret it the next day I’ve watched too many people mourn their sons this year I’ve felt the screams of those close to me asking God why he took their babies too young Young men who will never be fathers, Young men who will never see their children grow up into rebellious and sassy teens and while I understand conflicts happens between parent and child I also know we’re both on borrowed time and I don’t want our angry words to be the last exchange between us if its his or my last day today
Happy Mother’s Day! I wrote this poem in April of last year inspired by my sons.
us in May of 2022
finding someone to love used to be a priority until love burned me one too many times besides I’ve always had 3 somebodies to love that always deserved all of my attention with them I’m never alone with them there will always be inspiration with them my love overflows at this point, it would be useless for anyone to compete with this complete kind of love
Happy international Nurse’s Day to all the nurses and especially my favorite nurse, my sister. We’ve had a complicated relationship through most of my life but within the past few years, our relationship has gotten a lot better. I have more to say about this but that calls for a longer blog post in the future. Today, I want to honor her for being the awesome human being that she is. Below is a picture of us at a concert we went in July of 2022 and a poem I wrote in December of 2021 when she turned 47.
me and my sister in July of 2022
To My Sister On Her 47th birthday
you’re 3 years away 50 but still look like you’re in your 30’s Has anyone told you how amazing you are? Have our parents loved you out loud?
I’ve always admired you for your fortitude and resilience but wish for you to have peace and an opportunity to be soft
I get it though – It is hard to be soft in a society that expects you resemble a tower of strength, where you take care of everyone first and put yourself last It was something you had to learn at a young age
you used to be the Villian in my book at times, but lately I think of you as the victim and the victor_
You’re a victim of life- the victim because of the pressure you were put under for being the oldest the victim for being a woman of color in a racist and sexist society
But you’re also the victor- the victor never giving up- no matter how fucked up life got for you the victor for facing shit head on without any fucks and with an intimidating confidence (maybe that’s why I was jealous)
oh sister of mine, on your 47th year-I hope. you get to sit and enjoy the wonderful life you’ve created
I wrote this poem in May of 2022 inspired by this “woke” white woman. Lol.
you’re nothing but a selfish and narcissistic attention whore constantly craving the limelight by posting long and stupid ridden Facebook statuses about the “truth” of the injustice you see injecting yourself as the voice of minorities it all unveils your world of deep seated insecurities and the irony of all of this is should you know better since you’re a therapist but apparently you’re still dumb as fuck It doesn’t matter how many degrees you have-you still reek of ignorance
Anxiety can affect your long-term health. It can limit your ability to exert control, paralyze you, and make you feel helpless. In fact, according to a study by the Global Burden of Disease, depression is the sixth-leading cause of disability. Fortunately, there are things you can do to prevent anxiety attacks. Here are just a few, presented below by Life on the BPD.
Spend Time Outdoors
Spending more time outdoors can reduce anxiety and stress. Your brain receives more oxygen when you breathe in the fresh air, resulting in increased levels of serotonin — the neurotransmitter that alters your mood. Simply walking to the store for milk can lower your levels of cortisol, a stress-causing chemical in your body.
You’re more likely to feel tired at night if you spend more time outdoors during the day. The better sleep you get at night, the less anxiety you’ll experience the following day.
Find a More Rewarding Job
Many people find themselves in jobs that they do not enjoy which causes anxiety. If you are one of these people, it may be time to start looking for a more rewarding job. When searching for a new job, think about what you are looking for in a job and consider your interests and skills.
Once you have a good idea of what you want, begin your search by looking at job postings online. Take the time to update your resume with your latest skills and experience. This free resume may help you get started. You can use this – or similar – templates, which you can modify by adding your own fonts, colors, and images. It will give you a great start to refreshing your current resume.
You may find that, instead of a new job, you’re more interested in a new career with new possibilities. In that case, consider going back to school. There are plenty of reputable, accredited schools with online degree and certification programs, so you can complete coursework on your own time. This page deserves a look if you are interested in technology-related certifications, like CompTIA A+, Cloud+, or Operations Specialist.
Keep an Anxiety Journal
Recording your daily stress and anxiety levels through an anxiety journal is a simple and guided process. Writing them down helps you identify triggers and negative situations that cause your anxiety. So where do you start?
Write down your concerns. Write down any immediate concerns you have. Describe them in detail while remembering that with anxiety, it’s not always about what’s happening in the here and now but what’s on the horizon.
Review what you’ve written. Ask yourself questions along the lines of: what are the odds of this happening? How do you know? Are you certain? How could you change a negative into a positive if your worries materialize?
Rewrite the script. Write down one or more ways to approach a thought or fear differently. Next to your fears, write down different possibilities, and create new endings.
These are just a few ideas to get you started on your anxiety journal. VeryWell Mind explains that writing in your journal daily helps you better understand your anxiety and hopefully prevents future anxiety attacks.
Create a Happy and Clutter-Free Environment
Your anxiety levels may increase if your family constantly argues, complains, and is overly critical. You can relieve tension in your home by creating a welcoming and vibrant space. Open your windows to let in the fresh air, declutter, and do a deep clean to bring positivity.
It helps if you optimize your workspace to avoid work-related stress. Rather than sitting in a traditional office chair for long periods, try an ergonomic one. They help keep your body safe and upright to reduce stress on the spine and neck. Insufficient office lighting can reduce energy, dampen mood, and cause eyestrain. Position your desk so that your back is facing the window. You’ll benefit from the light and avoid distractions. In the absence of natural light in your workspace, you can create the illusion of natural window lighting using light colors, such as white and cream, on the walls.
Start Living Again
Having anxiety can prevent you from leading a normal life. You can get so worked up about an upcoming event that when it arrives, you’re a nervous wreck. Or the simple idea of doing things becomes overwhelming. Anxiety can be debilitating, but there are strategies you can use to calm yourself and lower your anxiety levels. Start by spending some time outside every day (if possible) and use an anxiety journal to help process your feelings. And if your job – or career – isn’t working for you, build a new resume and find a new opportunity. This is your life. Don’t let your anxious mind control it for you.
Life can be challenging, but it’s better to experience it together. Life on the BPD is my attempt to share my challenges to make others feel less alone – and to process my own experiences. Visit my website today to join our community.
I’d rather live in music, daydreams, and fantasies than face the monotony and routine of real life who wants to deal with spreadsheets when I can get lost in dreams about finding the one who wants to answer to karen’s idiotic questions when I got taylor swift on repeat who wants to open and read another email about another stupid workplace policy when I can fantasize about the best sex I had the a few nights ago real life is too boring for me when I have music, daydreams, and fantasies waiting to inspire the writer in me
5 Strategies for Self-Improvement When You’ve Been Diagnosed With a Bipolar Disorder by Julia Mitchell
After receiving a bipolar diagnosis, you may be wondering what the best course of action is in order to manage the condition while tending to your daily obligations. How will you cope with your symptoms and lead a fulfilling life? Here are some strategies you should discuss with your healthcare professional:
Stick to Your Treatment Plan
Once you’ve been diagnosed as bipolar, your physician will prescribe medication and put you on a treatment plan. But since there are no one-size-fits-all drugs when it comes to treating this condition, you’ll have to go through a bit of a trial-and-error period before you get on the right dosage. Through it all, try to be patient and persistent. Do not get discouraged, and stick with your treatment plan until you start seeing results. And don’t be afraid to voice your concerns to your doctor if you feel something isn’t working as it should.
Focus On Your Sleep
Lack of sleep and poor sleep quality can exacerbate symptoms for people with bipolar disorder. So strive to stick to a bedtime routine that will promote a restful night. Avoid heavy foods, caffeine, and alcohol too close to bedtime. Try to go to bed at the same time each night; having a relaxing ritual like a soothing bath, a cup of chamomile tea, reading, or meditating can help get you into a more relaxed state. Turn off your screens and smartphone at least 30 minutes before you lie down for the night. And keep the temperature at a comfortable level to help you stay asleep longer.
Work on Your Career Plan
A fulfilling and rewarding career can help keep symptom activators and triggers at bay, and establishing healthy relationships with coworkers and colleagues who share the same passion will help you thrive at your job. If teaching younger generations is your calling, find an accredited online school with competitive rates and check this program that will lead to a bachelor’s education degree. Pursuing a degree online allows you to take classes when it’s most convenient for you and your family, so you can fit them into your busy life without feeling stressed out.
Take Time for Self-Care
Between family and work obligations, you may feel pulled in a multitude of directions. You can start feeling stressed out, angry, and like you’re losing control of your life. And when you suffer from bipolar disorder, you’re either too busy to take time for yourself or too depressed to do anything for yourself. So try to stick to one project at a time, and learn to say no or to delegate to avoid feeling overwhelmed. And when you’re feeling down, make sure to go outside to get some fresh air, meet with some friends, and indulge in things that make you happy.
Start a Side Business
If pursuing a favorite hobby helps you manage your bipolar symptoms, think about ways you can turn this enjoyable pastime into a small business of your own. There are online resources to help you get started, such as LLC formation services which will walk you through all the legal ins and outs of structuring and launching a business. By using such a service, you won’t need to hire a lawyer to get all the tax benefits offered by a limited liability company.
If you’ve been recently diagnosed, ask your therapist for strategies that will make living with bipolar disorder and coping with symptoms easier. Learn to recognize your triggers, take time for self-care, and develop a toolbox of skills and activities to help stabilize your mood.
Have you or a loved one been diagnosed with a bipolar or borderline personality disorder? You’re not alone! Please follow my healing journey at lifeonthebpd.com.
Life doesn’t always go the way we planned, and oftentimes our finances take a hit during these detours. Perhaps you lost your job because of downsizing, or you’ve struggled to find good-paying work. Or you could be recovering from financial debt from an extended illness or repair. No matter the cause, financial stress can feel inescapable. Fortunately, there are some steps you can take to change your situation. Life on the BPD explains how.
Consider Changing Careers
Unemployment is a serious problem, and many people have been out of work. The number of people reporting unemployment has varied a lot recently, but numbers are slowly decreasing. This is a great trend, but lost money during extended unemployment can impact you for a long time. And if your new job doesn’t pay enough, it will be difficult to financially recover from that deficit.
If you’re noticing changes to your work prospects with no end in sight, or if the type of job you were doing won’t pay enough to get you back out of debt, you may want to consider changing careers. Think about other areas of interest where your education and work history may be relevant. Consider going back to school. There are many options from traditional classes to night classes or even online degree programs.
Lastly, you may decide that you want to start a business of your very own. Beyond coming up with an idea for your company, there are a few things you need to do to get things started. First, you need to come up with a business idea. This can be something you’re passionate about or have experience in. Once you have your idea, you’ll need to start planning everything out. This includes coming up with a name, logo, and brand. You’ll also need to create a website and social media accounts. Once all of that is done, you’ll need to start marketing your business and getting customers. The best way to do this is by networking and using social media. Finally, you’ll need to continue growing your business by always being on the lookout for new opportunities. If you do all of these things, you’ll be well on your way to starting a new company.
Take Time for Yourself
Between work, family obligations, and worrying, you may find you have little time for yourself. This can lead to a vicious cycle of a lack of sleep and anxiety. When you’re stressed and not getting enough sleep, you’re more likely to eat poorly, which only worsens the problems. Instead, do something just for yourself. You could read a book, take a relaxing bath, or exercise. Engage in anything that takes your mind off your financial problems.
Reevaluate Goals
It may feel overwhelming, but now is a great time to reestablish your financial goals, since you are dedicated to getting yourself back on track financially. Take a look at your current goals and decide if they’re still feasible. It may be time to alter them to adjust to the economic climate and extend the overall timeline. Set positive goals with smaller sub-goals so that you can see your progress. But also push yourself towards a challenging final goal. You may be surprised by what a little positive anxiety can help you accomplish.
If you’re not sure how to set new goals, consider working with a financial planner or doing some online research. They gather helpful information about financial planning, including professionals who can come alongside you to create and support these goals and present them online. A little guidance can go a long way!
Create a New Budget
Budgeting helps you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out. You know how much you can save monthly and how much you have to enjoy.
However, when situations change your budget needs to change, too. You may currently have more costs related to your household, potentially less income, and possibly fewer entertainment options. At this point, it’s time to create a new budget with all this in mind.
Once you have an accurate, up-to-date budget, you should look for areas where you can spend less and save more. With an uncertain economic climate, it’s more important than ever to have a nest egg.
Consider Refinancing Your Home
The pandemic brought about historically low refinance rates. Look at your options, because you could save yourself money each month and in the long run. For example, you can look into cash-out refinancing, which replaces your current mortgage with a larger one. You then receive the difference between the old and new as cash, which gives you some money to use however you choose.
If you’re interested in refinancing, you’ll need to gather some information first. When you cash out or take a home equity loan, the lender needs to know your home’s current appraisal and the amount you still owe on your house. The appraisal will determine how much your home is worth now so that your lender can calculate how much equity you have in your home. The equity is the amount of money your home is appraised for minus the amount you still owe on your mortgage.
Don’t Let Hardships Take a Toll on Your Finances
Life has a way of surprising us – sometimes for good and other times not-so-good. Even if you’ve experienced some financial hardships lately, don’t let them completely derail your finances. Take a deep breath and reevaluate. Then, take steps today to start putting away money, even if that means you have to make a career change or reevaluate your budget.
Life on the BPD 
