Poesia: Moriste Para Mi

EscribΓ­ este poema en Diciembre del 2002 acerca de John. Estaba bien enfadada que el me rechazo y abandono porque su madre no aprobaba de mi.

eso

Tu moriste para mi
Cuando te fuiste de aquΓ­
Y decidiste que yo no era mΓ‘s
Que una de tus muchas faldas
Pero tu te equivocaste
Al pensar que yo soy cualquier otra mujer
NO! Yo soy algo divino y estupendo
Que pena que tuviste miedo
Pero sabes algo
Ya no hay modo
De que algΓΊn dΓ­a te perdone
porque eres un cobarde
Y ya no me importa
de amar tu nunca fuiste capaz
Y quizΓ‘s es mejor asΓ­
Ya no me puedes herir
Y habrΓ© llorado bastante
pero de mi ya no te doy un instante

Poetry: Lust High

I wrote this in December of 2002. This was written about John before he ghosted me. If you can’t tell already, I have a tendency to idealize the men in my life.

it be like that sometimes

I haven’t felt this way in a while
I just get high from talking to you
You just drive me so damn wild

You just don’t know
How you about kill me
When you have to go

Now I couldn’t even imagine
Living without your presence
You are my most wonderful sin

And I will pray every night
That my love you never try to fight

Poetry: Extremely False

I wrote this about John in 2002 after he ghosted me after taking me to see his mom. His mother didn’t approve of me-an uneducated single mom. It was rough and of course I took it personally. So John fell off my pedestal and it was a long fall.

truth

Perhaps you feel too smart
to let someone as ordinary as me
into your heart
Perhaps you think I’m not good enough
to be deserving of your love
Perhaps you are only sure
I’m just good for pleasure
Perhaps you wear a know it all smirk
And believe I’m just like any other girl
Perhaps you believe in your head
I’m only good to warm up your bed
But darling I’m sorry to say
You won’t get your way
Because I respect myself too much
To let myself melt with your touch
Because I am worth a lot more
than any of your trophy whores
Because I have an actual mind
Without you I’ll be just fine
But mostly because I would never fall
For someone so extremely false

Poetry: My Son Throws His Blocks

I wrote this poem in 2006 about my middle child who was toddler at a time. He’s actually my birthday twin and very much like me personality wise.

My Second son as a toddler

My son throws his blocks

They hit me like rocks

So much damn temper

Within my little fellow

Little does he know

About the bad people that sew

many, many spiderwebs

to put you under duress

and he throws and he throws

Like life’s unexpected woes

Those wooden things hit my head

he won’t listen to what I say

He sure has an arm 

for knowing how to harm

In this just a phase

in this life of a maze

Finally he stops and looks

It is another tantrum in the books

I think this is a preview 

to his ever changing mood

My Love Affair with Music

My relationship with music is probably the healthiest life long relationships I’ve ever had. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. I listen to music as a way to process both the bad and good things that happen in my life. Music is one of my favorite coping mechanisms I have when I’m having strong emotions. I have a playlist for almost any kind of mood or emotion you might be having: Feeling Sexy- I have a playlist for that, Feeling like a Bad Bitch -I have a playlist for that, Feeling like Your Heart has been shattered in a million pieces and you’re gonna be alone forever- I have a playlist for that too. I like to listen to music first thing in the morning to get my day going. I also listen to it throughout the work day to break up the monotony of the day. Sometimes I even spontaneously serenade my coworkers with my horrendous singing-haha. Music has saved me on numerous occasions from the bad and intrusive thoughts I do have from time to time. I also love to listen to super loud music when I’m power walking and jogging. I listen to all kinds of music from gangsta rap to mainstream pop to boleros. My favorites artists are usually singer songwriters like Taylor Swift, The KID Laroi, Shakira, and Alejandro Sanz. I am super fortunate to be bilingual so I have a huge music catalogue to choose from. No matter what happens in my life, music has always been a way to either help calm me down when I’m angry or perk me up when I get in one of depressive moods. I will be sharing some of the playlists I listen to depending on my moods. Below is a link to posts about a few of my playlists.

Luis Miguel, Olivia Rodrigo and Easy E

Playlist: For the Brokenhearted: Sad Edition (the one where you cry)

Playlist: Self Love-My Love Affair with Myself

Playlist: Let’s Get Sexy

Poesia: Error

EscribΓ­ este poema en el 2002 acerca de Matt, el padre de mi hijo mayor. Estaba bien amarga y desilusionada con el de nuevo despuΓ©s de que el nos rechazo otra vez mas.

verdad

Un dΓ­a veras
Que no podrΓ‘s mas
Y te arrepentirΓ‘s
De dΓ­a que decidiste olvidarte
De ese niΓ±o y esa mujer
Quien te pedΓ­a que te acuerdes
Que duro sera
TendrΓ­a que explicarle a Γ©l
Que tu su padre nunca quisiste ser
Y
Un dΓ­a pensaras
Que error fue dejarlos atrΓ‘s
Y tus lΓ‘grimas saldrΓ‘n
Por no poder parar
El odio y rencor que Γ©l sentirΓ‘
Y
Un dΓ­a sera muy tarde
Para querer ser su papa